How much attention do you expect your friends to pay to your children?

[AlwaysTakeTheWetherWithEwe]

We’re having a debate due to a recent meet-up at a friend’s house.

If you have friends over or are attending an outing with your child how much attention would you expect your friends to pay to your child?

The friend is not me btw.

Would be happy if they acknowledged your child , said hello to them, asked you how they are and offered the toddler a treat but that was all the interaction they had with them? Or would you expect more?

OPC are not interesting to many, and that’s more than fine. Deluded parents are even more ring-stingingly dull.

Parents who think their toddler is the new Oscar Wilde are not invited again.

I think toddlers are pretty cool so would definitely have lots of interaction with one. Wouldn't bring my own kids though as they would bug me too much.

I wouldn't expect more than you suggested. I have some friends who really aren't in to children and have no idea what to say to them. That's fine with me. They're my friends, not my children's friends.

Wouldn't expect much. Obviously for them to say hello, maybe ask how school is or similar generic question and then to respond to them if my child spoke to them (assuming my child isn't dominating the time and it's just an occasional thing). That's about the level of effort I make and so have the same expectation in return I guess...

It really depends on how receptive the child is to attention.
I'd be talking to them, showing them things and generally interacting with them. But then I'm very child centred and not everyone is, which I'm fine with too.
Think of it this way. If the friend brought an adult sibling along to a catch up/day out. Would you talk and interact with them? Or just ignore them after saying hello and do you want a drink? Toddlers are people too.

What? Don't get this at all. Each of mine has wanted interaction and more so when I'm trying to talk to another adult instead of play with them. Nothing to do with first child. It's very difficult to talk and ignore your child and a skill to play and talk so it can be quite helpful if a toddler is showing a toy they're playing with to another adult so you can actually speak a bit as the parent. I don't know many toddlers (ie 1-3) who are happy playing alone for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

What you did is fine.

I expect friends not to be rude or dismissive but that’s it, and you weren’t.

I agree though that an adult chat with a 3 yr old present and no other kids/activity for the toddler is tricky. I would never have been able to manage a proper conversation with DC present at this age (maybe DC2 on a good day, DC1 not a chance).

I would expect them to be kind and engage if my toddler was trying to talk to them etc but no more than that. I have a mum friend at Dd’s club and I’m always cuddling her baby because he’s such a squishy little thing and I like holding him. Otherwise I’m not overly interested in other peoples kids, I’m always kind and take an interest if they want to chat etc. I don’t expect anyone to be really invested in mine either beyond just being nice.

Best not to "expect" anything. Some people like kids and are good with them and some are not.

I quickly learned not to bring my then toddler when meeting adult friends. They would always say "Aw, bring him along! I haven't seen him in ages!" then after saying "Wow, he's grown so big!" and taking a photo, they would expect him to occupy himself quietly and industriously while I gave them my full attention for three hours. This fully includes friends with older children, too.

I found it best to be firm about not bringing him unless other children would be present.

I check on what the kid is like, if friendly and talkative, I would have a conversation with them, play a bit and all that, but I just keep it at the minimum when the child appears to be shy or only answer questions saying yes or no as that indicates the child wants to be alone or is poorly socialised so there is some scope for your friendliness to be too much for the kid or the parent.

I'll be brutally honest, I have very little interest in other people's children. I wouldn't be rude but I just don't interact much

I wouldn't expect anything other than a hello to the child, quick ask how they are and acknowledge they are the most beautiful child in the world obvs then I'd expect childless friends to pretty much ignore them after that. It's nice when they do make time to have a little play/chat with them but it's not an expectation.

I've got a lot of childfree friends and apart from hello and maybe a small token lollipop or pat on the head they wouldn't interact more with DD. I don't blame them, it's not their child and they don't have to entertain her.
I don't expect it at all. I probably did years ago but that's gone now- she's 6.

It's nice if anyone goes beyond though. I had to take DD to a work meal once and my ex boss was amazing with her but he has daughters. It depends on the person and situation.

And yes, not cool to bring children to adult get-togethers unless there are children the same age around.

We know a family who always take their 12 year old with them and insist the kid stays sitting at the table with the rest of the adults, even if other teens ask them to join them playing video games or whatever the mum insists it is not polite for him to leave the table so we ended up having very lame conversations in consideration to the kid. Needless to say that after 4 times we don’t invite them or accept invitations from them anymore.

It winds me up when I want to speak to a friend and they keep letting their child interrupt, or they make it all about their child. I don't on the whole really enjoy other people's kids (sorry). I don't expect my friends to chat to my kids loads, It's nice when they do. I am of course polite, and I'll always offer to hold a baby/a toddler, help my friends... but loads of kid chat? Nope.

I have child free friends who barely engage with my children at all.
those with kids, especially a similar age to mine, do rather better

Probably a hello, and maybe how are you? My friends are there to see me, and I'm there to see them. If possible I try to meet 1:1 as being with a kid is too distatcting to have a decent catch up with a friend anyway.

Personally I find a bored kid is way worse during a catch up that one who has interaction...I'd interact with my friends kid.

A hello and help if they needed it but nothing more

A greeting a chat and a snack is fine, other peoples children are not the axis your world turns on.

I mean, I wouldn’t expect them to completely ignore my child, no. Children are people too… deserving of attention, warmth, consideration and engagement; just like I would any other adult I was interacting on my own accord with.

I land here too. I wouldn’t ignore a child. Even children that are quiet, I always ask about their lives. ..

Honestly, Op, I find people who ignore children are often people who where ignored or neglected by their own parents. It’s actually really sad.

Then you have those unbelievably amazing humans who just know how to inspire children. They have so much to share and ask and teach… those people are gold. Not everyone is like this, takes skill and experience.