How much attention do you expect your friends to pay to your children?

[AlwaysTakeTheWetherWithEwe]

We’re having a debate due to a recent meet-up at a friend’s house.

If you have friends over or are attending an outing with your child how much attention would you expect your friends to pay to your child?

The friend is not me btw.

Would be happy if they acknowledged your child , said hello to them, asked you how they are and offered the toddler a treat but that was all the interaction they had with them? Or would you expect more?

yes, I think that's probably the case.
I'd also suggest it's impossible to have a "general catchup" with another adult when you have a toddler, unless the toddler is particularly placid and able to amuse themselves. So mum by default is assuming that you will interact with the toddler.

This

None. Other than say hello and reply if spoken to. It’s rude to ignore kids, even though they are very annoying. But I wouldn’t expect any fuss. I don’t do much more for friends kids and I have kids myself. I just don’t really like other people’s children and try and avoid interacting with them where possible.
If I’ve gone for a catch up with friends I would be chatting to the friends. Not the kids

I had a number of friends who expected me to essentially take over parenting for them at catch ups, because I was the only one without kids and they saw it as redistribution of resources or whatever.

Oddly enough they’re not friends anymore!

Nowadays I’d say hello and comment on a toy or whatever if a friend’s toddler interacted with me but I don’t expect that to be the focus of the catch up any more than I’d expect a friend’s husband being present meaning that it all had to be about him.

If the whole purpose was a catch up with girl friends I'd be pretty pissed off that one of them brought a toddler with them. It really is the worst age. OK, if she had absolutely no other option on earth I guess. If it was me and I had to take my toddler although personally I probably wouldn't, I would not expect people to be cooing over my kid at all other polite acknowledgement.

Call me a terrible person, but I am deeply disinterested in friends’ children. I don’t want to interact with them and became very frustrated when a friend brought her older, able to stay home alone to my house every time.

I wouldn't expect to meet a friend who had a child of any age if I wasn't bringing my child with me, unless it was a meeting by accident in town type of situation.

If it was basically an adults meet up but one person deceided to bring their toddler then not unreasonable at all. I know every parent thinks their DC is lovely but you can't expect everyone else to feel the same

Toddlers at adult catch ups are a no no anyway as far as I’m concerned. They’re tedious! However what you did sounds fine, and then yes if they actually speak to you interact.

I wouldn't be especially thrilled by a toddler being brought along to a catch up. But I appreciate that some people aren't blessed with options.

I'd say hello and reply to the kid but wouldn't go out of my way to interact, and I'd expect their parent to stop them interrupting.

I wouldn't expect more but would certainly appreciate any effort to interact with them.

If you’re invited to someone’s house and they have a toddler it’s polite to interact with them a bit, yes. Eg play with them whilst host makes drinks etc. if you meet up as friends and they need to bring the toddler it’s more on the parent to supervise

My friends children use me as a climbing frame so I don't get a choice 😁

I wouldn't expect any more. Other people's small children are pretty boring, particularly at an adult catch up, and I'd acknowledge the child, offer it a drink and a biscuit and then not expect to have to do any more after that, to be honest.

I'm not there to play with or entertain your small child. I'm there to chat with adults, and I'd expect mother of small child to have brought stuff to keep it entertained with. If it was demanding of attention, I'd expect mother of small child to realise this wasn't working and to take it home.

I really wouldn’t appreciate a friend bringing their toddler to a general friend catch up.

Child free by choice here, I find that my best approach is to egg toddlers on to misbehave so that their parents step in.

Of course, it's a self limiting approach as if the parents don't step in the toddler has usually launched itself off the top of the bookcase or whatever so an ambulance has usually been called.

All good.

Agree with this. I loved my playdates and children were entertained and interacted with. When seeing 'my friends' we wanted 'adult time' to chat and catch up and having someone's child tagging along is really annoying.

I used to get really into playing with my friends' young kids but I was younger and had more energy. Now I can't be arsed horsing around on the floor. Happy to help them with stuff and talk to them of course. I'm just freaking tired.

Mum manages toddler and you catch up with friend. You having a catch up not a play date. I have a child.

I would interact with the child to a certain extent, but I'm not really interested in other peoples dc. I would want to talk first and foremost to my friend.

I'd say "Hello, friend's child".
And then ignore. Child should not be there for an adult meeting.

I don’t expect anything, it’s nice if friends do chat to my child, but I understand if they don’t and don’t think any worse of them.

Some people are just way more into kids than others. What you describe sounds perfectly acceptable

Pleasant interaction and a little game is fine, but I know there are some friends I can't be bothered with since having children. Yes, I know it sounds bad, but three particular friends always tried to discipline my children who were shy and anxious and often just needed a cuddle from me I don't see them anymore.

Bitter experience tells me if you give an inch some people will take a mile e.g. slinking off for a sleep while I'm practically spinning on my head entertaining a child I hardly know!
Friendly 'hello', 'oh wow is that your toy' but I'm not Ms Rachel