How much attention do you expect your friends to pay to your children?

[AlwaysTakeTheWetherWithEwe]

We’re having a debate due to a recent meet-up at a friend’s house.

If you have friends over or are attending an outing with your child how much attention would you expect your friends to pay to your child?

The friend is not me btw.

Would be happy if they acknowledged your child , said hello to them, asked you how they are and offered the toddler a treat but that was all the interaction they had with them? Or would you expect more?

No I would not expect more.

It depends. Did the toddler try to talk to them or show them something and get ignored? Or was the toddler playing happily and not needing any attention?

I mean is it a play date or a friends group meeting where a toddler happens to be there.

Id probably just say hi, offer food/drinks and answer them if they spoke to me. I wouldn’t be getting on the floor and playing or reading stories.

Not a play date meeting. The toddler was the only child present. It was a general catchup.

It depends - on the age of the child, the type of occasion, the conversation that was being had - and so many other factors. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here.

Depends entirely on the toddler… if they are chatty and were interacting and ten adult was blanking them, then that’s not cool. However a bit of hello how are you etc would be totally fine.

The friend wants you to catch up with you not have a play date either a toddler

I would expect them to treat my children like any other human being and interact with them if the child was interacting with them.

I wouldn't expect much more than that. Other people's toddlers really aren't that interesting.

I would play with the toddler if they came up to me.

Similar respect and interaction as given to any other person.
Toddlers who interupt their parents discussion, I do not reward with immediate interaction though if their parent is asking them to wait nicely and not interupt another person speaking.

I would expect them to be treated as a person, said hello to, not ignored etc. just general respect because children are people.

I will admit to being the person who loves toddlers and will always mess about and play with one if they are around but I get that lots of people aren’t like that.

That would be plenty!

Hi, how are you? What's that you have there? Cute outfit too! Then hope they go off and play....
I don't like it when kids interrupt and the parents then engages with them for 10 minutes. Parent should make sure there's something the child is happy to do for a while - a minute or two sorting something fine, but I'm there to see the parent not the kid.

Thanks all.

I don’t have kids so I don’t know what people really expect of their friends.

There was also a moment of toddler showing his toy and an “Oh wow. That’s cool” but that was about it.

Personally I thought it was fine. I don’t think most people want to spend most of their time playing and interacting with a toddler when meeting friends but toddler’s Mother has a different idea.

I was a bit more interactive but I’ve worked in childcare but even then my main focus was my friends.

One of those mums where she thinks everything should revolve around her child then, even though it was really a grown up meet up.

Toddler is her first child, I'm guessing?

I’d expect that I would manage my toddler and participate in a general catch up at the same time. Friends would say hello and generic questions to my toddler and would help me if asked with small things: looking after my stuff while I’m off to the toilet , maybe looking after my toddler while I’m off to the toilet ( it depends), moving table a bit or giving me a different seat to accommodate toddler, be understanding if I need to leave early and listening about my toddler related life problems the same as about problems of others. Nothing beyond that.

In return I promise not to take my toddler with me to the catch ups unless absolutely necessary.

I've gone to see my friend, not their child.
If said child come up to me with something, I'd acknowledge that, but I'd not be playing with them or anything like that.

My kids are pretty much grown up now but I never expected much.

My husbands mate and his wife had a baby a few years before us. When we were away with them one weekend they sat me down and said they didn't think I paid enough attention to their baby. She was 6 months ish old at the time and would cry and scream if you so much approached her, and having a cuddle or waving a toy at her was out of the question, so I'm not sure what they actually expected. I'd always acknowledge her if I walked in a room, say "hi gorgeous" or whatever, but that was about it as she was so sensitive.

Despite my husband being her godfather, and not doing anything more than that either (like I say there was no pleasing the child, she could only handle her parents, and couldn't even handle a group of adults laughing out loud) they didn't pull him up on it, just me.

Precious wankers, I imagine they cringe now if they recall the conversation. At least I hope they do as they were really in the PFB bubble.

She's all grown up now and a fine young woman but Jesus Christ.

Plus the bloke is godfather to my PFB and barely acknowledges his existence which doesn't worry me but pot kettle black much!

So dependant on the situation! I would not ignore a child at all but I'd expect their responsible adult to step in if said child was constantly demanding attention from the other adults (despite them politely looking at, admiring or whatever the child had shown them and had a brief polite conversation with said child eg about school, nursery, the toys name or similar)

Momzilla is being difficult. The world does not revolve around her child. Politely acknowledging the child's presence is all that is required.

I would interact if appropriate. But some of my interaction might be to say "I am just talking to "mummy" I will look in a little bit". (Other relationships are available).

I don't mind other people's toddlers, but if I am meeting other adults and there is a toddler present, I would assume the adult bringing the toddler also brought stuff to keep toddler entertained and wasn't expecting the other adults to be the entertainment.

I am guessing the mom might have been hoping for a break and for someone else to entertain the child for a bit so they could participate like a normal adult and not like a distracted parent..

But would say even if that was the hope, it’s not reasonable to expect it. ‘Your child your problem’ ultimately. I would say it’s kind to help if you can and likewise this should be fully appreciated

I’d expect that I would manage my toddler and participate in a general catch up at the same time.

In genera, I think that’s a good expectation. Good friends will accommodate your bringing your child, but their focus is on you and catching up with you - not interacting with said child.