Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uneasy at the idea of SIL being in charge of the whole trip

92 replies

Greenstorm · 17/02/2024 18:17

We’re trying to plan a trip away to the coast for the weekend as a family, staying in shared accommodation but the planning more comes in when deciding where to eat as a group, when to socialise and mingle, when to go on walks and the exact route (timed to fit the nap times).

SIL is insisting that everyone must eat breakfast at set time, lunch at set time etc and arrive by a certain time as that’s when their DDs wake window is and if people are arriving with bags after that time then it’ll wake her up and ruin their night so stipulating we all must set off in convoy at a certain time. Her daughter is 13 months, be 15 months when they go away. She is sending us times for meals and saying it’s important it’s stuck to. It is making me think the whole trip will be a bit of a chore. The grandparents think they are being too restrictive but SIL is a bit commandeering and will very much get her own way, plus their DD is first and eldest grandchild and as such understandably doted on and nobody wants to rock the apple cart. I am not sure how they can be sure their timings will even be accurate in a couple of months but that part is none of my business and what they do is up to them. What does concern us is the expectation we must dance to their tune….

AIBU to just opt out of this one? It’ll cause a stir inevitably and we’ll be the bad guys or labelled as naive as we have it yet to come. We are already hearing all those ‘just you wait’ remarks. I get parenting isn’t a walk in the park but surely expecting other people to also conform to your strict daily schedule is a bridge too far?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 17/02/2024 22:34

What does your DH think ?
It's his family so his call to an extent. Who's paying for it ? If it's not you I would be tempted to go along for the ride. If you have paid for a share, I'd message something like "Happy to work round juniors schedule as much as we can, but this is a bit too regimented for us so we'll do our own thing for breakfast and lunch. Looking forward to seeing everyone "

momonpurpose · 17/02/2024 22:51

I knew someone like this. She actually put notes on neighbors doors about not doing anything noisy at baby's sleep time. No loud starting of cars no slamming door etc. I would not go on this trip and be held hostage to baby's schedule. She's nuts. She's setting the child up to wake at any possible noise it's crazy.

WallaceinAnderland · 17/02/2024 22:54

My SIL was like this and expected us to fit in around her baby's routine. The crazy things was, we had our own baby who she also expected to fit in around her baby's routine!

Original poster
Greenstorm · 17/02/2024 23:08

Thanks everyone. She was like this long before baby arrived and is very much a fan of being centre stage, centre of attention. She was an only child for years and years and they’ve openly admitted they indulged her a lot and let her make all the decisions, including when she got a sibling etc. I think it is just her personality to expect everyone dances to her tune! I don’t think we’ll go, was leaning towards that anyway. We will be told we don’t know what it’s like but I think I’ll just have to nod and agree. If I am ever as schedule obsessed though I’d like someone to give me a stern talking to!

OP posts:
Delatron · 17/02/2024 23:18

Why go? Sounds awful

CuntyMcBollocks · 17/02/2024 23:24

I wouldn't go personally. I had a very similar situation when I went away with my ex and his family, and that ended in tears. Ex BIL was very bossy, and expected everyone to be together ever second of every day. We were all supposed to leave at the same time, arrive at our destination at the same time, do whatever activities his 12 year old son wanted to do etc. A holiday is meant to be enjoyable for everybody. Me and my ex left after a couple of days as it was unbearable. There was a big commotion caused because, shock horror, we decided that we would have a quick stroll through the town with our DD before joining them at the beach, instead of driving down and all of us leaving and arriving at EXACTLY the same time!

NancyPickford · 17/02/2024 23:31

Sounds more like Boot Camp than a holiday, with her as sergeant major. I would definitely not be going.

chrisfromcardiff · 17/02/2024 23:39

Greenstorm · 17/02/2024 18:17

We’re trying to plan a trip away to the coast for the weekend as a family, staying in shared accommodation but the planning more comes in when deciding where to eat as a group, when to socialise and mingle, when to go on walks and the exact route (timed to fit the nap times).

SIL is insisting that everyone must eat breakfast at set time, lunch at set time etc and arrive by a certain time as that’s when their DDs wake window is and if people are arriving with bags after that time then it’ll wake her up and ruin their night so stipulating we all must set off in convoy at a certain time. Her daughter is 13 months, be 15 months when they go away. She is sending us times for meals and saying it’s important it’s stuck to. It is making me think the whole trip will be a bit of a chore. The grandparents think they are being too restrictive but SIL is a bit commandeering and will very much get her own way, plus their DD is first and eldest grandchild and as such understandably doted on and nobody wants to rock the apple cart. I am not sure how they can be sure their timings will even be accurate in a couple of months but that part is none of my business and what they do is up to them. What does concern us is the expectation we must dance to their tune….

AIBU to just opt out of this one? It’ll cause a stir inevitably and we’ll be the bad guys or labelled as naive as we have it yet to come. We are already hearing all those ‘just you wait’ remarks. I get parenting isn’t a walk in the park but surely expecting other people to also conform to your strict daily schedule is a bridge too far?

Oh wow, I would opt out of this. It has all the markings of being an absolute drag. Who made SIL queen of the trip? If you can't be firm, and respected, to not have to dance to her schedule, then it would be so much better to simply not go.

Mumoftwo1312 · 17/02/2024 23:43

I think you've made the right decision op but I'm selfishly slightly disappointed as I was hoping you'd go, and then entertain us with live updates about what a dreadful time everyone is having.

Frangipanyoul8r · 18/02/2024 00:47

Why isn’t your partner telling her to f*ck off with her demands? Or at least tell her that you’ll do your own thing. Your partner needs to stick up for both of you and fight your corner - it’s not your family.

AIstolemylunch · 18/02/2024 00:50

Wake window 😂😆😃

HMW1906 · 18/02/2024 00:59

Don’t go! I wouldn’t be sticking to ‘wake windows’ on holiday, i don’t even stick to my own children’s (3y and 11m) routine on holiday…or when we’re not on holiday if I’m honest, we do
what we want when we want and the kids just fit in and they’re both absolutely fine, sleep though the night, etc. (I know I’ve probably been very very lucky there though).

MCOut · 18/02/2024 02:29

She is hilarious and you don’t even need to pretend to entertain it. You should still go just book your own accommodation and let her know that you have no intention of allowing her to dictate your weekend, and that you will opt in and out of her scheduled meal times and activities as and when it suits you.

MariaLuna · 18/02/2024 02:34

SIL is insisting that everyone must eat breakfast at set time, lunch at set time etc

Weirdo.

Sounds like boarding school. Byee! We're adults in case she didn't get the memo.

I'd be booking my own holiday, thanks.

Mammma91 · 18/02/2024 02:46

That would be a pass for me. I’m due my second baby and have a 4 year old (autistic) and I wouldn’t expect a whole family group to ponder to our routine. Your SIL either needs to be accommodating everyone and respecting their routines if she wants the same back.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 18/02/2024 02:49

Our first was a nightmare sleeper and strict routine and quiet was very necessary but Id never put that on anyone else. Staying with wided family and family holidays I do everything I can to minimise the effect on others so they can have a holiday. She's being really unreasonable.

rookiemere · 18/02/2024 07:37

Who is paying for it OP ?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page