Terrified i'm dying!!!!

[Lostmymind11]

Sorry if this is on the wrong thread but i'm not sure where to put it

Nearly 2yrs ago i had surgery to remove a sarcoma (no treatment afterwards as not needed). My 6 month scan was clear and i had another scan 4wks ago to check if it had come back. The hospital have rang today and told me they had booked me in next Friday to see a member of the surgery team. I am abaolutely terrified and beside myself with worry. I am a single parent to a very young child who has no contact with dad due to domestic abuse. I barely have any family/friend support. If the cancer is back i really don't know what i will do. I feel physically ill

Yay. Well done for getting the first one done. Have a nice day with your mum & son

One down. Well done! Did you know that you can ask for a central line to be fitted if they're struggling with your veins? It might be worth talking to them about it.

Thanks everyone. Yeah i said about the PICC line but they want to keep cannulating me if they can. Hopefully only 3 more to go but will see

Well done Lost! Already 25% done!
(I love a maths calculation when I’m counting down anything unpleasant!)
Hope you’ve got a nice relaxing day ahead. X

well done @Lostmymind11 , sorry you have this hanging over you, hopefully it's better to be getting on with treatment now and focus on getting to the other side of it. Hope you are feeling as okay as possible and have had lots of cuddles from your little boy x

Hi everyone i have been absolutely fine these past 2wks. I even managed a couple of nights out and a cinema trip. Back to work tomorrow for some normality before my next treatment in a weeks time

That's wonderful. Well done.

Really pleased to read your update @Lostmymind11 . Have been thinking about you a lot and wondering how you are doing.

That’s fantastic, glad you’re feeling well. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and sending good vibes to you!

Thank you 😊 i have woken up this morning though to my hair all over my pillow 😭😭😭 guess its time to get it cut shorter

It will grow back x

And not only will it grow back, but every friend I've had who went through chemo, preferred their new hair to their old hair. And had fun trying out new hairstyles which they didn't have the courage to do before.

You are doing great, I am sorry about your hair, it must be awful finding it on your pillow xx

Well done Op. thinking of you xx

It’s horrid because we are attached to our hair and also for women it is symbolic of our femininity.

But as PP said it nay well come back nicer. DH ‘s did!

Sorry, OP, I hope you know I am not minimising your feelings. I know it is really hard to see hair on your pillow.

Would it help to think of it as a sign that the drugs are taking hold?

So i've had my hair cut into a bob 😭😭 i know its only hair but it was halfway down my back and took me forever to get it that long. Its falling out really quickly still though. I only have to move my head and strands just fall which is really annoying but no bald patches yet

I am sure the long hair was gorgeous and cutting it off was not easy. But FWIW, the bob is more fashionable, and I bet it also looks good.

How are you feeling now?

You’re being so courageous and I’m sure the bob looks lovely <3

It must be horrible to loose your hair. It's a real visual reminder too of the chemo that it's really happening. I'd take lots of selfies in your new Bob and try to enjoy having a new, if enforced hair style. My cousin had both a bald head and a pixi cut and both looked amazing honestly. It will grow back a lot faster than you think. You are chugging along the journey and this is just another step that's soon to be in your past. Anyway sending you hugs and strength.

Thank you. I do quite like the bob and people have said it really suits me i guess its just i know the next step is shaving it all off which i know will only be a matter of days. But this is just another step in this shit journey i've been given so i'll slap a smile on my face and pretend i'm ok

What will you do next? Hats, scarves, turbans, etc? A wig? They can be very good. Or will you just style it out?

All options are good. Your comfort with your look is the most important thing. Xx

You don’t need to pretend you’re ok - this sucks and you’re allowed to be sad and scared. You have lots of us cheering for you here - is there any way we can support you more?

Yes please don't pretend to be OK with it. Only do that for your child. No one should expect you to be OK. This is extraordinary. So it calls for extraordinary emotions. I feel much better after a scream or cry. I have a dd who was under constant threat of expulsion last year. I screamed as loud as I could one day in my car. Hurt my throat and almost wet myself. No one could hear me, but I heard it. Not sure it helped but it was good to say "this is really shit, really shit" nothing could help. Just count the days until the summer holidays and fight another day.

Go out in the car, scream. Scream into a cushion. Shout up god why me! I do this with my disabled son. It sucks and hurts but once you vocalise it, the answer from the universe is "because it is" it doesn't have to happen to someone who just happens to be you. It happens because can be shit and cruel at times for no reason what soever. You don't need to like it. Neither do you need to find peace with it.

You need to do you. What YOU need to do and think. There's no right or wrong way.

I've got 2 wigs and some scarves. I'm thinking scarves for the house and maybe at work then the wigs if i'm going out and about. I've even bought some stick on eyebrows 🙈 not really sure what i'm going to do about my eyelashes yet.

I know i shouldn't pretend to be ok but its what i do, i just suffer in silence. I honestly couldn't ask for anymore support, my friends and people at work have been brilliant through it all