Boyfriend silly during sex - kills the mood

[Mollyjake]

Hi,

We're both 29 and we've been together 6 years and been living together for 2 year. No children.

I love him very much but recently (and many times throughout our relationship), he can become silly when it comes to dtd.

It'll start by me kissing him and then he'll start making silly noises and basically start eating my face - not literally of course but a kiss motion.

He'll then start making random noises whilst taking my trousers off, he"LL then start saying ""oh yeah, oh yeah, you like that? " in a sexual, unserious way.

He'll start laughing in between kisses.

It's all quite hard to explain but I've had to stop sex a few times recently as the silliness turns me off

I explain this to him and we try again about 5 minutes later and he continues to laugh so in the end we do nothing.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable as he can't help laughing and he's just having fun but it's really killing the mood.

He Doesn’t realise that women don’t have sex with children. Childish behaviour is a massive turn off because of the taboo.

Well, no sex for him then! I'm sure he'll figure it out soon enough!

That sounds insufferable. If he won't stop there's nothing we can say that will change anything with him, so you have to be the one to either make changes or put up with it. You may have to finally admit that you're not sexually compatible.

So this is not normal then? I've had boyfriends before him but I can't remember them being this silly.

I think because it happens quite regularly, I'm not sure if this is normal, as he's been obviously my only sexual encounter for 6 years

That would give me the ick. Has he always been like this?

I think sometimes silliness/messing about can turn to sex, but I wouldn't expect that kind of nonsense every time

Was he abused as a child?

No matter the reason, I wouldn't (couldn't) put up with it.

It's a little odd, is it an anxiety thing do you think?
Is he laughing due to nerves or feeling a bit embarrassed? Like he's trying to lighten the mood and make himself feel better but it's going a bit wrong.
Agree though, I would find it very off putting.

@Mollyjake

I get it,

You've got the start of what's known as ick

Move on he is not the right one for you,

far too emotionally immature

He acts like a teenager fumbling about who has just discovered about sex ect,

How 🤔 old are you both ?

Just curious

@SgtJuneAckland yeah I don't mind silliness as we do have fun together and laugh together and on the odd occasion, of course sex can be silly. But it's got to the point where it's making me feel quite insecure as it's making me self-conscious

This is not normal behaviour for a grown man. It would put me completely off. The lack of sexual emotional maturity would be deal breaker for me, and honestly, it should be for you. You're already not having sex because of this and he's almost thirty years old. Yuck.

@hobbledyhoy

I 🤔 think you could be right hit the nail on the head with your post too..

That’s not normal and would completely put me off sex and him in general.

it’s surprising this has started recently. Any change in sexual style would bother me I guess.

But in terms of sexual style, probably tmi but i like to have giggly silly sex. Have found partners who like the same style. For me it makes the whole thing more relaxed and less pressured… guys who are all kind of serious and intense, that gives me the ick. Each to their own x

A lot of kink shaming on here by the way. Things that are ‘not normal’ and should be no-no’s in any circumstance are anything that’s non consensual or illegal. Other than that surely in the year 2024 we can accept that everyone has different styles and preferences. If it makes you feel shit OP absolutely it needs sorting, but the ‘is it normal’ is kind of a separate point as in the bedroom there is no normal. People like different stuff.

I would find this absolutely bloody awful and would never be able to have sex with him again. He sounds totally immature and that is an immediate turn off. Maybe I'm being too dramatic, but I want sex to be an intense, erotic, loving experience, not a Carry On film.

'kink shaming'

Give over. It's not a kink of his to laugh or mess about.

Yeah see that kind of intense erotic thing really puts me off. Makes me feel like i’m playing a part. Each to their own innit x

I'd be fine with this but you're not. I certainly wouldn't want it every time. Someone I saw briefly did tell me I seemed very serious during sex and it made me think differently. I'm more inclined to have a Bit Of A Laff now.

But if you don't like it, ask him gently what's changed and if you can tune into each other a bit more. We were in a situation the other night where we couldn't have sex and we just snogged for ages. Unbelievably hot and we felt very close afterwards.

I'm probably him in my relationship, isnt sex supposed to be fun? Who wants to be all serious, romantic and moody all the time?!

It would definitely kill the mood for me.

This was my first thought too.

A bit of playfulness can be fun but only if you're both liking it! It's irritating you and he's dismissive of your preferences. I'm not sure this one can be resolved- you just sound incompatible in bed.

Of course sex should be fun, but I don't think that's what the op is against. The way her partner is laughing is out of context, they are not giggling together, or sharing the same "vibe." His laughter is awkward and ill-timed.

Oh I'm traumatised by my ex who used to talk in a baby voice to get me in the mood! 🤢