Boyfriend silly during sex - kills the mood

[Mollyjake]

Hi,

We're both 29 and we've been together 6 years and been living together for 2 year. No children.

I love him very much but recently (and many times throughout our relationship), he can become silly when it comes to dtd.

It'll start by me kissing him and then he'll start making silly noises and basically start eating my face - not literally of course but a kiss motion.

He'll then start making random noises whilst taking my trousers off, he"LL then start saying ""oh yeah, oh yeah, you like that? " in a sexual, unserious way.

He'll start laughing in between kisses.

It's all quite hard to explain but I've had to stop sex a few times recently as the silliness turns me off

I explain this to him and we try again about 5 minutes later and he continues to laugh so in the end we do nothing.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable as he can't help laughing and he's just having fun but it's really killing the mood.

Sounds a lot like self-consciousness/anxiety to me. He doesn't think of himself as an attractive or skilled lover so has to make a joke out of it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Dave, when you do X & Y, I find it an instance turn off, if you stopped we would probably have far more sex"

If it gets the message, great.
If he doesn't, goodbye.

This would irritate the hell out of me, and would turn me right off 😒

Could there be an element of insecurity or anxiety on his part? It does seem odd that he is trying to make a big joke of sex rather than taking it seriously, does he often get giggles when nervous or in situations that make him nervous. It is quite common for people to laugh when they feel on edge. I couldn't tolerate that more than once, without an explanation as to why he was behaving like that.

Oh God no, that would freeze me from the neck down. And the neck up.

Definitely not normal 🙈 would put me off too

I agree with a PP that it likely comes from suppressed shame and embarrassment around sex and intimacy. It would certainly be a deal breaker for me. Can you talk to him about it OP?

Yes, sounds like he’s anxious or embarrassed. Does he enjoy sex? Is he a sexual person generally? Maybe he doesn’t particularly enjoy it but feels like it’s something he needs to do to keep you as a gf.

This would definitely be a deal breaker for me.

Surely after 6 years there shouldn't be any undiscussed nerves or anxiety that would be the cause of silliness? I suspect he just thinks he's being hilarious and is ignoring the OP's discomfort. I'd sit him down and have a really good talk about why he does it. If he doesn't explain that maybe he's a bit nervous or any good reason as to why he does it and I had explained I didn't like it, then if he didn't stop, it would be game over as he is being disrespectful.

Kink shaming? What are you talking about, you think this is a kink for him that he’s forcing on OP even though she doesn’t like it, and everyone should be ok with that? That makes no sense.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable as he can't help laughing and he's just having fun but it's really killing the mood.

Does he not think he has any responsibility for turning you on during sex and making it enjoyable for you too?

It may just be that you are sexually incompatible. But this response would make me question the whole relationship. I can’t imagine a sexual partner telling me they find something a turnoff and me continuing to do it and thinking we’ll still have sex.

I must admit I have on occasion had a fit of giggles during sex because it all of a sudden seems such a ridiculous thing to be doing. I said it once to a bf and he was most put out and said he didn’t find it at all funny, admittedly I said it to him during sex so it probably wasn’t the best time to bring it up. 😬

He'll learn if everyone he's a jerk you say you're put off sex due to his stupidness.

Eeeugh gross 🤮, sorry but being silly during sex is a no no for me. I'd find it hard to get in the mood never mind turned on! I need to be in the zone but I need my partner in that zone also otherwise I'd rather just not have sex at all. Maybe it's best to talk it over with him in a gentle way how it makes you feel when your having sex that his childish behavior isn't setting the mood on fire but rather dampening it! It does sound like he clearly loves you & doesn't see his joking around during sex is unsettling. Good luck OP!

Yep, it’s because he sees you more as a friend now . Men don’t mess about like that when they find you seriously attractive- he sounds very immature- move on OP!

I think that the question of normality is irrelevant.

If he does stuff that puts you off, then he's not for you. From your post he's actively turning you off and you may wish to recalibrate the relationship.

Short of sitting him down and telling him in one syllable words - I do not like what you do in bed. It makes me want to heave - though he should have got the message. In fact, I'd wager he's simply ignoring you in the hope you'll give in - and that's the bit where you bin him.

I am thinking that perhaps he isn’t in the mood to do it and is being annoying on purpose? I remember doing that when I was in my teens and in a relationship, so this is quite an immature thing to do.

What are his family like? Sounds like he has some guilt or shame and trys to cover it with humour. Some families make anything to do with sex embarrassing. My mil banned the movie Titanic because of the steamed up car sceen!!

I’d be asking myself why he’s creating barriers to intimacy. Was he abused himself, is he gay or scared of sex.

I've had this with an ex and I just had to put it bluntly in the end that I wouldn't be able to have sex with him if it carried on. At the first sign of a stupid voice or something I'd just stop and say nah sorry that's not doing it for me and put a stop to the activities 🤣 it's really off putting, I don't need sultry and serious or Christian grey throwing me round the bedroom but I cannot get turned on by a man acting like a silly 6 year old in the bedroom.

Give over is the most underrated response on MN and in life, I am going to start using it in my everyday life.

He is ick. Get rid

I think a man saying you like they don't you would put me off. I don't want to be dictated to or told how I feel.

Yeah the silliness would really put me off.

Its not about acting a certain way, its about showing caring. Only you know if he cares and I'm not sure you can teach that.
But you can educate someone in what gives you pleasure.