Boyfriend silly during sex - kills the mood

[Mollyjake]

Hi,

We're both 29 and we've been together 6 years and been living together for 2 year. No children.

I love him very much but recently (and many times throughout our relationship), he can become silly when it comes to dtd.

It'll start by me kissing him and then he'll start making silly noises and basically start eating my face - not literally of course but a kiss motion.

He'll then start making random noises whilst taking my trousers off, he"LL then start saying ""oh yeah, oh yeah, you like that? " in a sexual, unserious way.

He'll start laughing in between kisses.

It's all quite hard to explain but I've had to stop sex a few times recently as the silliness turns me off

I explain this to him and we try again about 5 minutes later and he continues to laugh so in the end we do nothing.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable as he can't help laughing and he's just having fun but it's really killing the mood.

It’s his sexual style. I recognise it as it’s mine too, and my husband’s. Not for everyone but with all things it’s a case of finding someone who’s matched.

Clearly a prob for the OP but my comment is with regards the posters who are making comments like ’he’s weird’ or ‘this is not normal’ which is way too judgy

Have you always disliked this or you could tolerate a bit but it's the frequency that's become off-putting? Im perfectly happy if something funny comes up or is said occasionally in bed but constant increased giggling and messing about sounds quite awkward as though it may be covering on his side. I would ask him quite openly, not during or after sex, why the change. Make clear that you don't expect straight faces throughout but the level of silliness has increased and youd like to know why.

What’s with the “kink shaming”? When did everything become a “kink”? I think we can all agree that it’s not nice to make fun of other people’s preferences but this trend of calling everything a kink is getting on my last nerve.

He sounds like he's 16 instead of 29!
If you both enjoy being silly then fine but if you've told him it bothers you and he's still doing it then that's disrespectful.
I also wondered if he's anxious about something. Is he having trouble getting an erection or similar?
At the end of the day, he wants to be silly and you want him to take things more seriously, so it doesn't look like it's going to work!

@Mollyjake it sounds like you’re not sexually compatible. You have raised it with him and he has been unable to/doesn’t want to stop and, as a result, you don’t have sex when that happens. To me that just means you’re not compatible. Better to find this out now and go your separate ways. You would both be so much happier with partners who share a similar approach. The alternative is to keep struggling on for another 6 years and then another 6 years and then for the rest of your life and that sounds miserable when you could just as easily be with someone else who you also love but sets you alight in the bedroom.

Does it he do it if he initiates sex or is just when you initiate?

You are not sexually compatible - nobody's fault, no one in the wrong, it just doesn't work for you. Time to go your seperate ways. Asking him to change isn't fair, if that means you are then happy, but he isn't.

Sounds like he finds intimacy embarrassing, I had a bf like this he grew up in a strict Catholic house and found sex embarrassing as it was never discussed other than to tell him sex was for making babies.

Killed the mood and our relationship.

You say it’s more recent? I’d wonder a bit about that.

Oh go away on with you. First of all this is not kink shaming and even if it were, we still have freedom of expression in this country and are fully entitled to find things gross or weird and point that out.

Next time he does it get out of bed and go have a cup of tea. Don't try to get back into it. He is silly - night's over.

I think it’s one of those things that some people would be OK with and some won’t. And if you aren’t then it’s fine.

The most annoying thing is that you’ve spoken to him about it a few times and he still does it.

It's irrelevant really whether it's unusual or normal or whatever. You don't like it. If he's doing it for your benefit, then tell him to please stop as you really don't like it. If he's doing it for his benefit, then you're not compatible unfortunately.

I couldn't bear this for a second. Get rid.

Just a thought, don't people act daft and/or laugh when they are nervous? I remember bursting out laughing when having bloods taken and the nurse telling me it was a normal response to nerves.
Like I talk shit if I am really anxious in a social situations...
Do you think he could be nervous? Does he have ED?

This reminds me of my partner a bit tbf 😂but I love him, he's just having fun. Once you got into it I'm sure things would change a bit.

Oh no, no thanks. Immediate ick for me.

Then again, I've just finished reading The Fourth Wing and decided that's the kinda sex I should be having (yes, I'm looking at you Xaden Riorson) 😆😆😊

Has he always done it, or is it new?

Sounds like he's either uncomfortable in some way, and he's trying to break the tension or the intensity. Have you tried to talk to him about it when you're not having sex?

Failing that I'd go to Halfords and get a honky bike horn and honk it every time you see his underpants. If you can't beat them join them.

My DH was like this and it really kills the mood. We no longer dtd (his choice not mine) so don't have this issue anymore. (I miss sex but not with a giggling man).

Is he trying to copy stuff from films/online?

<shudder>

It must be like having sex with Benny Hill.

I think it is anxiety, OP.
I would talk to him about this

Sounds like you're not compatible and that there's a struggle for him to respond to what you want. Is he like that in other areas of your relationship?

It' sounds like he has immaturity issues surrounding intimacy so makes a joke out of it to make it less intense.
this would also put me off.

Huge difference between

A)being appropriately playful - especially if it’s relational - both laughing at something.

B) being unilaterally silly. It seems both disrespectful and immature.

A is hot. B is really not.

as PPs have said - is he nervous? I’d have a serious non-sex-time chat about it. It’s completely Ick.