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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Breaking up with my boyfriend over threadworms

83 replies

grimreefer · 15/02/2024 08:16

I 25F had Threadworm last month. Predominately I WFH, and have very little contact (and no recent) with children unless there is a family event. I currently live at home and no one under the same roof has had threadworm.

I’m in a very new relationship. I told my 32M boyfriend that I had Threadworm, and he would have to go to a pharmacy and pick up the tablets just incase but he refused and said that was embarrasing. I felt slightly disgusted by his comment, and pointed out that he’s the only person I have been in contact with apart from my family (who don’t have/or had it) and he could’ve easily been the person who passed it on.

He got VERY defensive when I said he could have been the person who passed it on. For context, my boyfriend lives in a pigsty, his house is always cold and mouldy with plenty of mess lying around. He showers daily but doesn’t use any products like shower gel but he also doesn’t smell bad either. Overall, I wouldn’t say hygiene is his strong point.

I see him most weekends but put my foot down last week that I won’t be going to his house anymore unless he sorts it out because it’s disrespectful to expect someone to stay overnight let alone visit. When I had an apartment (landlord sold in January), I would scrub it before anyone came over and always made sure a candle was lit.

Before anyone nags, we’re only together a month-ish (6 weeks) officially but I’m seeing new sides to him every week that I don’t particularly like or enjoy so I have decided to end our relationship today. When I had my apartment we only met there and he would always shower and use products I had (I could smell them). The reason I noticed he didn’t have/use any products was because I went for a shower and there was nothing there to wash myself or hair with, and he confirmed he just uses “good old water” to rinse.

The Threadworm incident really bothered me. I felt disgusting because of his comments but I also feel he was the reason why I had it to begin with. He doesn’t have the best hygiene but he’s also around younger child more than me (nieces and nephews who visit his parents). He didn’t care if we had sex while I was finishing the course of tablets for it (we didn’t), and initially he refused to medicate until I told him I wouldn’t see him until he did saying it was “an organic part of life”.

AIBU? I’m not accusing him of giving me threadworm but it’s highly likely considering one else around me has/had it recently, and my family wouldn’t lie as we live under the same roof so everyone had to medicate regardless. The threadworm incident is my final straw. It’s valentines week and he hasn’t even bothered to clean his house up!!

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/02/2024 11:09

Yanbu

QueenCamilla · 15/02/2024 11:15

I had an on-off boyfriend (clean house and used soap) who was giving me threadworm. Every single time after we'd been together, I'd have worms a few weeks later. Never had them when we were apart. Never had them since. Took a few of cycles of meds for me to make a connection and realise what's happening.

Just so awful, I don't understand how it is possible to live and be unaware.... Though apparently some people are asymptomatic. Asbestos arses.

Justcallmebebes · 15/02/2024 11:23

Jeez, that's grim 😳

Ohhbaby · 15/02/2024 11:26

I'm you do know how threadworm is passed on? Normally kids pass it on because they touch faeces by accident.
It doesn't get passed on via sex and you also don't get it by being dirty.
Geez I'm not saying stay with the man, he does sound dirty but uhmm you're the one with threadworm... And you don't get it from being dirty or living in a mouldy house😂

Floppyelf · 15/02/2024 11:29

DUMP HIM. Yuck. Listen to your gut ( pun not intended).

Floppyelf · 15/02/2024 11:31

grimreefer · 15/02/2024 10:57

As said I refused to have sex but he was pushing for it!

Well done on getting rid. I would let my single friends know so that they also can stay away from this charmer!

icelolly12 · 15/02/2024 11:33

I've got the ick from both of you by reading this

grimreefer · 15/02/2024 11:39

Aw babe why you being like that? thought we were going to be together :(

OP posts:
catotangent · 15/02/2024 12:01

🤢🤢🤢

CadyEastman · 15/02/2024 12:18

Merryoldgoat · 15/02/2024 08:26

Another woman with horrifically low standards.

I was going to say the same. I'm mystified why you lasted 6 weeks.

StrongasSixpence · 15/02/2024 12:18

grimreefer · 15/02/2024 11:39

Aw babe why you being like that? thought we were going to be together :(

Ick

Good call.

FirstTimeMum887 · 15/02/2024 12:33

He sounds gross. It won't get any better. You shouldn't have to enforce basic hygiene with a grown man.

scoobysnaxx · 15/02/2024 12:59

Omg there are at least 4 reasons here why you should be running for the hills!
Don't let you life turn into this!

Run and be happy. Find someone who isn't an immature filthy pig.

FETFirstTimer · 15/02/2024 13:20

Ewww get rid!!!

oakleaffy · 15/02/2024 13:28

To date I haven’t had worms - nor has son, but my friends who have immaculate houses HAVE had.(primary aged children)

Seems they are very catching and the whole household needs damp dusting and bedding boil washed to kill the eggs(?)
Nails short and scrubbed.

grimreefer · 15/02/2024 13:34

Just to clarify I only moved home a couple of weeks ago. Before I moved home, we would only meet at my apartment where everything seemed normal. He showered and used the products I had. I have only stayed at his house twice within the six weeks of being together officially. The first time I didn’t shower because I was only there for a couple of hours and back home again, but the second time I did shower and realised he didn’t use anything. I also told him then I wouldn’t be visiting again until he cleaned his house because I found it incredibly disrespectful that both times I visited it was a pigsty. He said he understood and would clean, but he hasn’t and probably won’t. Regarding the threadworms, I haven’t accused him directly, of course I think he’s the cause which is wrong as I could’ve got them off any surface but he was very defensive when I said in passing I could’ve gotten them from him (or anyone). He doesn’t use toilet roll but uses wipes instead, he only bought toilet roll for when I visited.

Regarding low standards, when I say things were so different until very recently. He was polite, clean, and kind, there was no red flags!!

I’m incredibly clean so having threadworms caused a major freak out. Yes, I bought medicine for everyone in my household but not my boyfriend because I wasn’t seeing him that week and he could’ve got them himself. What do you want me to do? Post them to him. It would’ve been quicker for him to buy his own.

OP posts:
reflecting2023 · 15/02/2024 13:36

BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2024 11:07

@reflecting2023 I don't think she was shagging the worms. Haha.
People are trying to slightly shame OP for being with him at all, but how would she know he would give her worms? It is a pretty unusual thing for adults to have isn't it? As soon as she saw the depth of his squalour she's chucking him.

At the end of the day she's the one with the worms , not him. If you have an active perineal infection you shouldn't be having sex until treatment is complete and worms eradicated. And yes you can catch threadworms from intimate perineal contact- hands to mouth. 😱🤢
Apologies I really haven't read the full thread he may be a no hoper but you don't get worms from a mouldy house and has he had them??

grimreefer · 15/02/2024 13:37

oakleaffy · 15/02/2024 13:28

To date I haven’t had worms - nor has son, but my friends who have immaculate houses HAVE had.(primary aged children)

Seems they are very catching and the whole household needs damp dusting and bedding boil washed to kill the eggs(?)
Nails short and scrubbed.

Yes! Everyone in my household took the tablets. The bedding was washed at the beginning and end of the table cycle. The house was deep cleaned at the start and end of cycle. I had my own bathroom to use and everyone without worms shared the other bathroom. I would clean it throughly after use, toilet, shower, sink etc., and I cut my nails short. I went to my GP after for a checkup and all was fine, bloods taken etc.,

No one else had or has them in my house. Thankfully enough time has passed now so I am 100% worm free. I haven’t seen my boyfriend since the worm talk/pressuring sex incident, and have ended things today with him.

OP posts:
grimreefer · 15/02/2024 13:39

reflecting2023 · 15/02/2024 13:36

At the end of the day she's the one with the worms , not him. If you have an active perineal infection you shouldn't be having sex until treatment is complete and worms eradicated. And yes you can catch threadworms from intimate perineal contact- hands to mouth. 😱🤢
Apologies I really haven't read the full thread he may be a no hoper but you don't get worms from a mouldy house and has he had them??

Do any of you read?

I didn’t have sex while I had worms, he wanted to but I refused

We haven’t seen each other since either so I haven’t had sex in about a month loves

No worm spreading here

🥱

OP posts:
pinkpale · 15/02/2024 13:49

I'm feeling ill reading his habits.

reflecting2023 · 15/02/2024 13:55

Well if he had no symptoms or signs it's hard to say.
But as far as AIBU goes do you really need to ask - it all sounds awful.

FinallyHere · 15/02/2024 14:26

He sounds like quite the catch

Thedogscollar · 15/02/2024 15:46

Natty13 · 15/02/2024 09:55

After he gave her worms. She didn't dump him on sight of the hovel he lived with, nor on finding out he doesn't use soap un the shower (??!!!)....the bar is in the gutter.

Feel better now?
She's dumped him so lifted her bar from the gutter.
I'm sure she's happy for your support.

Poppysmom22 · 15/02/2024 15:49

Omg he’s giving me the ick and I’m not sleeping with him he is grim get rid

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