Remember me? Over a month ago I had a post blow up about my ex and I’s holiday to Tenerife. (I did request MN to delete the post as a newspaper picked it up and the details were very obvious).
You’ll be happy to know that Grim Reefer and I are still split up. I’m ashamed to admit that I did have ONE moment of weakness with the GF, but I quickly seen sense and stuck to my guns. I more recently booked my flight to Australia and will jet off this coming May, just in time for Winter!
I wanted to share with you some of the things that I have learned and realised:
- You need at least two weeks of NO CONTACT to adapt and realise you made the right decision to breakup. Honestly, within MY own two weeks, I realised I preferred my own company to his. Once this clicked in my own brain, I stopped wanting to reach out and crawl back to “save” the “only” routine I had known this year with GF. There was a me before GF and there will be a me after GF.
- It’s LONELY BUT IT’S BEARABLE. GF and I spent every weekend together since our first date, and I now had to face the weekends alone. My first weekend GF free I spent completely indoors, only leaving my bedroom for food or the bathroom. I needed it. Honestly, I think anyone going through a breakup needs it and shouldn’t feel guilty for it. My second weekend GF free I went for lunch with a friend I fell out of touch with.
- AVOID ALCOHOL AND REBOUND. I wasn’t a big drinker before GF so I knew I wouldn’t turn to alcohol but after a breakup, people’s initial response will be anything associated with alcohol; “Fancy a drink to get out of this house?” and trust me, it is NOT worth it. You know what’s even more not worth it? Scrolling aimlessly through Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge. KEEP DATING APPS DELETED! I made a Tinder to distract myself and I regretted wasting my time and energy. I’m not ready and I won’t be ready for a while.
- IF YOU THINK YOU’RE SETTLING FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE, IT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE. Throughout my relationship with GF I second guessed it many, many, many times and I wish I listened to my instinct sooner. I started to think the relationships on TikTok were completely fabricated. Yes, some of them are but there is absolutely men (and women) who will buy you flowers or bring you coffee “just because”. The small “just because” gestures are absolutely needed, whether it’s an action or a gift.
- LISTS. I made a Pro Vs Con list of my relationship. Spoiler: The cons were almost double the pros. I also made a list of my future relationship non-negotiables. Consider it learning from your past mistakes. If you make any lists, let these be your two.
I’m somedays sad, somedays happy. I’m somedays lonely, somedays content alone. Somedays I’m angry at other couples, and other days I’m happy for other couples. Breakups are truly a rollercoaster where your emotions do not slow down (even when everything else does). GF and I did have some good times and giggles together, but I’m left repairing my very low self esteem and mental health after our relationship. I delayed our breakup because I feared being alone and single. The (ir)rational fear of being released back into the big bad world of dating scared me more than the desire to maintain my own happiness. I’m leaving this relationship at least knowing what I don’t want and feel that was a big lesson (to be fortunate) to have learned at 23.
What are your breakup realisations or advice? I’m considering rejoining the gym at the end of the month and have started reading some “self-help” books. My current read is Melissa Urban’s Book of Boundaries.