AIBU about my 9 year old's clothes

[PTAProblems]

DD aged 9 has always been very faddy with clothes - all sparkly, then all green, then all black, etc. We've always gone with this because we could always find a suitable outfit within her fad for wherever we were going. Playing out, nice meal, day out, etc. Her latest fad is football kits with zip up jackets. She wears these whenever she isn't in school, fine as she is comfortable. The problem is if we are going somewhere nice (a restaurant for example) where it's not suitable for her to wear this. For reference, I have a son and wouldn't let him wear a football kit a sports jacket to a restaurant either so it's not a matter of me wanting her to wear a pretty dress because she's a girl. I've been looking for clothes for her today as she's grown recently and none of her clothes fit her. I wanted to buy her a set with leggings and an oversized shirt so it's still comfortable but looks a bit smarter for the times she'd need this. She is saying she will refuse to wear it and only wants football kits. We are going for a family meal for a big birthday next week and a football kit won't be suitable. I don't want to force her to wear clothes she is uncomfortable in, however I am not happy taking her to a lovely restaurant in a football kit. Does anyone have any experience of this with their own kids and any advice on how best to handle this without squashing her style?

My nephew was required to wear a formal shirt and tie from the age of about 8 when he went to his sport events. He didn't wear a shirt or tie as his school uniform so it was unusual and not that comfy for him to wear. But it was the rules. Didn't wear it - couldn't attend the events.
So in that case that was a uniform. Which is different from a social expectation.

I would explain to my children that that expectation existed and that if they wore a football top they might look out of place so if they wanted to fit in other clothes were available. I wouldn't force them to conform for the sake of it.

The point is that boys aren’t brought up with the implication that their appearance matters more than their happiness.

Neither are women AFAIK.

What both sexes are taught is that sometimes, you have to dress to the occasion.

@DappledThings no it wasn't a uniform. It was the rules of the clubhouse. Males had to wear shirts and tie. It was a dress code.

Posted too soon

I’m sure you can find something comfortable and smart but not girly if she doesn’t like that sort of thing.

I would be firm on this. I have a boy and a girl. My boy always wants to go to restaurants in his joggers and sports tops and I always say no. He has one pair of jeans and one smart top for going out for nice meals and he understands (begrudgingly) that you dress nicely for such occasions.

There's a very thin line in the definition between a uniform and an organisational dress code!

And in this case I would apply the same rule. If the restaurant has a polished dress code then it needs to be adhered to. If there isn't it's just convention and it can be ignored.

Dammit. Quoted wrong post.

This is why I don't go to "posh" restaurants.
I can't be bothered with this nonsense about clothes 😂

You’ll find that most football clubs have some nice T-shirts with the badge on , but just abit dressier than the kit. Don’t know if this would appeal to your daughter.

Extremely controlling?A You know nothing about me, you've completely twisted what I've said to suit your narrative.

Does the restaurant allow football shirts OP?

So much wimpy, pandering nonsense on this thread.

I've faced this 'dilemma' dozens of times...tbh I would have thought any parent had.

I've had a dc wanting to wear sliders on a rainy walk. Their favourite (scruffy, battered) trainers to an awards evening. A number of grumpy/whiny requests to wear various sportswear to restaurants or parties over the years where it wouldn't be smart enough. Lots more.

No dc, you need jeans tonight not joggers and football shirt.
No you can't wear flip flops in the rain on the cliffpath, get your boots on please, we're leaving.
Nope, no sportswear tonight, everyone will be dressed up. Go put your smart xzy on please. No, you won't? Fine, either dress appropriately or you stay home.

No wonder there are some spoilt entitled snowflakes around.

This is a difficult one. She doesnt sound entirely NT and, yes, I am familar with ASD children and their fads. How much will it cause WW 3 if you insist on sonething else? I think I would give her a choice. She wears something appropriate or she doesnt go. Hire a baby sitter if necessary. Presumably this fad will be replaced by another in time.

Just got back home. Didn't expect so many responses. I've got my guidance on how to handle this, thanks again to everyone who has posted with advice. @Thementalloadisreal seems to be trying to turn this thread into something it was never intended to be. I won't be returning now.

She’s 9, old enough to understand that footie tops aren’t suitable for nice restaurants.

So much wimpy, pandering nonsense on this thread.

I'm not pandering, I just don't really care what a child wears to a restaurant. I don't think it's important.

She's 9, just let her wear the football kit. Life really is too short to argue about it

PTAProblems
I hope you've managed to get some useful ideas or thoughts from the thread. It seems to have taken a funny turn.

I don't know if anyone has already said something similar but is there a way you can dress it up a bit?

Like tucking a football top into high waisted jeans, some sparkly converse type shoes, maybe a nice blazer/shacket with it?

It's nothing to do with "telling girls" Football kit wouldn't be appropriate for boys either. It's to do with society norms. neither young men not young women would get far turning up to a job interview in football kit, or tuning up to a secondary school in football kit, or refusing to wear the uniform of the company they were working for. Posh restaurants, funerals, weddings are also places where you need to dress appropriately.

My 8 and 10 year old boys would wear nothing but football kit/sportswear/joggers if it was down to them. It’s not down to them. Where needed, like a smartish dinner, I give them a choice within what’s acceptable to me. No doubt most restaurants would serve them in joggers and a football shirt, but I don’t want them wearing that.

But what if she did want to wear a micro mini and bra top? By yours and other posters reasoning, she should be allowed to wear that as it’s her choice? Would that be appropriate for a restaurant?
No, of course it wouldn’t and I’m pretty sure you’d all then be judging OP for letting her daughter wear that.
OP’s job as a parent is to guide her daughter. She’s only 9.
The poster comparing her to a controlled girlfriend being abused by her partner is ridiculous.

I think I've been quite fortunate that none of my children have ever shown an interest in clothes I've bought them beyond an occasional reminder that they could do with some new trainers.

@EmilyTjP because sadly that choice could potentially bring unwanted predator attention. So some parents would need to consider that separately to the societal nonsense about dressing children as mini adults.

Just an update for anyone who is interested. Had a chat with DD, explained that sometimes it's the norm to wear different clothes for different settings. Told her what everyone else would be wearing. Also spoke about the cost implications, that I don't mind getting her a couple of kits but that they're a lot more expensive than other children's clothes so we can't buy her those exclusively. Had a look online with her, she chose a few outfits and is really happy with them. She was happy and comfortable at the meal. Thanks everyone who gave constructive advice, it was so helpful on how to approach it with her.