I'm paying but others taking the credit

[takeabreaker]

A friend has gone travelling and has very kindly loaned me his car for the next year or two as my car has recently died.
He would not let me pay the tax and insurance which does not sit right with me, and his sister is making these payments while he is away using his bank account.
The car tax was due this month and I told his sister it wasn't right and sent her £400 to cover it. She has since paid the car tax from his bank account then withdrawn the money I sent her and gifted it to her brother as a birthday present.
I asked her why she had done this and she said it was because he said I didn't have to pay.....I feel really awkward about this, I absolutely should be paying for the car - I've already paid to service it and don't know if I should say something or just let it go. I'm closer to his sister than him which makes things awkward.

He doesn't want you to pay.

He doesn't want you to have any financial involvement in the car so that you don't have any claim on the car when he gets back.

Respect his wishes.

Look after the car nicely but stop trying to pay.

gifted it to her brother as a birthday present

I'm assuming she made out it was all from her? So she is basically giving him nothing as it's his money? I would absolutely let him know that you have paid £400 for the car tax. But wouldn't he question why his sister was giving him such a large amount as a present? Presumably it's a lot more than normal?

Agree with @Dishwashersaurous - don't pay out any more - he has set the goalposts. You could mention that you feel that you should be contributing next time you communicate with him, but he's going to confirm that you don't need to (probably)

Yes, she never mentioned anything, just said the money was from her and their father as a birthday gift.
I think this makes me look cheeky as hell to be honest - riding round in someone else's car which they are paying for. The insurance is £500 and due next month - I was going to pay it no questions but now I'm wondering if his sister is going to give him it as a Xmas gift instead!

You were told not to pay. Now you have paid but cant control where the money went.
Just do as they ask.

I was going to pay it no questions but now I'm wondering if his sister is going to give him it as a Xmas gift instead!

You were told not to pay anything!!!

You absolutely need to tell him!

This- tell him you paid the sister the money and leave it at that.

You need to tell him. I don't know how. But you need to. Cheeky wagon.

I would definitely tell him about paying the £400 as you felt bad not doing so.

I wouldn’t say a word about his sister basically stealing this money. Let him work it out for himself.

I asked her why she had done this and she said it was because he said I didn't have to pay
Surely the natural answer to this is "OK, no problem, here are my bank details for you to send it back."
If you are told no, which is to prevent you having a claim on the asset, then take the no. You can give him a gift on his return. Or just get your own car, since you have the money for it anyway, and then you don't need to be in this very odd situation.

He's got the money you sent, so you have contributed and shown you are grateful. To make sure he knows this (!l , I'd mail him and the sister both in the same mail. I would say this month the insurance is coming up, I really would like to contribute but you've been kind enough to say you will cover it - so thanks again. As you know I paid it last month and your sister I think gave it to you later as a gift - please accept the gift with my thanks as a contribution so far.

I just feel so uncomfortable - I never agreed not to pay and told his sister from the very beginning I would cover everything so not to use his cash, she took it upon herself to then 'gift' him back what is in essence his own money.

You could tell him you paid but also, respect his wishes and stop trying to force your payments on him

Just drop him a text saying just to let you know I transferred the £400 for the car tax because you are already being generous enough loaning me the car.

Then if he looks and sees it is withdrawn it is for him to take up with his sister if he doesn't like what she has done

Wow, £400 for road tax? My gas guzzler 4x4 isn't that much per year. I think you were foolish to send £400 to the sister, she's a CF for passing it on to her brother as a gift from her, and I don't understand why you're even involved in the insurance side - surely you would take out your own fully comp insurance policy. Are you a named driver on his policy? Again, it seems a huge amount of money. I've got fully comp commercial plus towing with a named driver and it's only a bit more than that.

Essentially though, he clearly doesn't want you to pay and you need to respect that. You massively overstepped by sending his sister money.

He doesn't want you to pay.

If you are not comfortable with that then you need to stop using the csr

I'm shocked that most people think its ok to borrow the car and let him pay for it, but I'm glad I posted - I might let his sister pay the insurance and keep the money to one side, then offer him it in cash when he returns. I know he said not to pay but I don't want to come off as rude or ungrateful. Neither of us are well off so to my mind it made sense and morally I couldn't not pay.
I actually want to give the car back now.

You need to tell him what happened and then pay no more unless you agree it with him and can pay it directly to him.

The sister is a closer friend to you than someone who has lent you their car long term, and she's effectively stolen your money?!

I hate when someone keeps trying to force money on me when I have politely said no need. If you're the uncomfortable with the set up just stop using the car

Tell him you paid the money into his bank account to pay for car tax

What his sister did with that £ is between him and her

Are you insured? If you're on policy as named driver, but he's not even living in UK just now, I'd worry abiut your cover

@takeabreaker

I'm shocked that most people think its ok to borrow the car and let him pay for it

Because those are his wishes and the condition that he let you borrow it. @Dishwashersaurous may be on to something about him not wanting any other claim on his car. If it makes you feel better then put some money to one side but it is likely he will refuse it.

"hey, hope you're having a great time. Just checking that you received the £400 for the car tax? I transferred it to sis to cover it, so just want to make sure you got it. I know you don't want any money for use of the car, but I appreciate it so much, I hope you can do something fun with the money"

The rude bit is not listening to what he said.

He doesn't want you to pay.

He doesn't want you to have a claim on the car.

I'm shocked that most people think its ok to borrow the car and let him pay for it,

HE THINKS THIS IS OK, this isn’t a bunch of mners saying it’s fine. The person you borrowed it from is telling you this.

You’re actually being incredibly rude, he told you not to pay, that was made clear. Stop forcing money on him.