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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm paying but others taking the credit

74 replies

takeabreaker · 14/02/2024 09:00

A friend has gone travelling and has very kindly loaned me his car for the next year or two as my car has recently died.
He would not let me pay the tax and insurance which does not sit right with me, and his sister is making these payments while he is away using his bank account.
The car tax was due this month and I told his sister it wasn't right and sent her £400 to cover it. She has since paid the car tax from his bank account then withdrawn the money I sent her and gifted it to her brother as a birthday present.
I asked her why she had done this and she said it was because he said I didn't have to pay.....I feel really awkward about this, I absolutely should be paying for the car - I've already paid to service it and don't know if I should say something or just let it go. I'm closer to his sister than him which makes things awkward.

OP posts:
Goalandgate · 14/02/2024 09:54

Meh I'd let it go. You paid for it, she covered the cost of the tax herself & used the money you gave to go directly to him. I'm sure he appreciated the £400 from his family, you've paid your share for the car & his sister has been able to gift her brother some money. I wouldn't bring it up unless it came up in conversation once he is back.

CombatBarbie · 14/02/2024 09:56

MarnieMarnie · 14/02/2024 09:33

Wow, £400 for road tax? My gas guzzler 4x4 isn't that much per year. I think you were foolish to send £400 to the sister, she's a CF for passing it on to her brother as a gift from her, and I don't understand why you're even involved in the insurance side - surely you would take out your own fully comp insurance policy. Are you a named driver on his policy? Again, it seems a huge amount of money. I've got fully comp commercial plus towing with a named driver and it's only a bit more than that.

Essentially though, he clearly doesn't want you to pay and you need to respect that. You massively overstepped by sending his sister money.

Going to assume it's a new car less than 5yrs old worth over £40k when bought.... Standard tax is £450 a year for first 5yrs

kitchenhelprequired · 14/02/2024 09:57

Are you absolutely sure the insurance is valid? It's really not that easy to get car insurance as a non resident. It is possible to insure a car for someone else to drive but the combination of him travelling (presuming outside the UK) and you not having a financial interest in the car/not closely related makes for a very small pool of possible insurers. If the policy is in his name and you're a named driver and him being away hasn't been disclosed it would invalidate the policy leaving you an uninsured driver. He could of course just be being really generous in wanting no contribution but if it were me I would want to be absolutely sure on the insurance front given the personal liability involved.

Applesandpears23 · 14/02/2024 10:03

If you are the main driver this year the insurance policy should be in your name. I would be surprised if either the owner or his sister can take out an insurance policy in your name. If it is in his name that is insurance fraud.

AlohaRose · 14/02/2024 10:05

The whole set up sounds a bit off to me. Why does his sister have so much control over his bank account while he is travelling? With online banking he can login and manage his account from almost anywhere in the world. Also, surely he will notice that there is a deposit of £400 from you and then a withdrawal by his sister of £400 sometime after? How is she going to explain that? I don’t know why you didn’t message him at the time of making the deposit anyway to tell him that you were doing so.

Getonnow · 14/02/2024 10:05

Applesandpears23 · 14/02/2024 10:03

If you are the main driver this year the insurance policy should be in your name. I would be surprised if either the owner or his sister can take out an insurance policy in your name. If it is in his name that is insurance fraud.

That's not true, OP needs to be named as the first driver but the insurance can still be in the owner's name.

dutysuite · 14/02/2024 10:06

I’d be the same and would want to pay, so would have done the same. I’d drop him a text to say you transferred the money.

TemplesofDelight · 14/02/2024 10:10

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 14/02/2024 09:54

I'm shocked that most people think its ok to borrow the car and let him pay for it,

HE THINKS THIS IS OK, this isn’t a bunch of mners saying it’s fine. The person you borrowed it from is telling you this.

You’re actually being incredibly rude, he told you not to pay, that was made clear. Stop forcing money on him.

Edited

Yes, this. You accepted the loan of the car, and he set the terms, which you presumably agreed to at the time. He's made it clear what he wants, and that is for you not to pay. It is rude for you to insist repeatedly that you know better, and now you want to be 'credited' for doing something he specifically asked you not to do!

Tbry24 · 14/02/2024 11:30

If the first lot of money has now been used as a gift rather than paid to him for the use of his car.

From now on just put some money away in an envelope each month and on his return when you hand back the keys and the car give him the envelope and a thank you gift.

ThirdStorm · 14/02/2024 11:42

I think I'd feel uncomfortable too, I'd also want to know I was taxed and insured properly.

LiveLaughCryalot · 14/02/2024 11:57

You are overthinking and making it complicated. Do not hand over any more money. He doesn't want it.

RB68 · 14/02/2024 11:57

if you feel so uncomfortable just give the sister the car back. DO your own thing

Mariposistaaa · 14/02/2024 12:18

You were told not to pay but you insisted on throwing your money away. More fool you.

Branwells77 · 14/02/2024 22:13

I would let him know that you paid his sister £400 you don’t have to let him know that she then gifted it to him I’m sure he will work that out himself do not give the sister anymore money as next time she will likely withdraw the money and spend it on herself when he gets home you could always buy him a nice gift to show your appreciation for the time being enjoy the car look after it and thank him personally when he’s home.

MzHz · 14/02/2024 22:56

Tell him what happened with the car insurance and if you feel guilty for using a car they told you that you were not to pay for, then put money aside in a savings account and offer it when he’s back.

Janniss543 · 14/02/2024 23:20

Lol

WigglyVonWaggly · 14/02/2024 23:22

I’d let him know that you paid. I really would. If she didn’t want the money she should’ve refunded you, not effectively passed it off as her own money and pretended it was his birthday gift. I’m quite tired sorry but that’s what I understand has happened? She’s let him pay from his own money and kind of pinched the money you intended to go to him by pretending it’s hers?

gamerchick · 14/02/2024 23:25

You're muddying the waters OP. He doesn't want you to have a claim on the car. No more coin.

Instead, save the money you want to tip up and you should have a chunk to go towards another one when be gets back.

SleepingBeautySnores · 14/02/2024 23:45

First of all OP I would thoroughly read the insurance policy to make sure that you are indeed comprehensively covered for whatever the purpose you use the car for.

If you are able to contact the man who has kindly lent you his car, then I would get in touch, and let him know that in spite of him saying he didn't want any money, you felt it wasn't right to be sponging off of him, and are just incredibly grateful that he's letting you use his car, so you have given his sister £400 to cover the tax.

Then, as this obviously isn't sitting well with you, I'd see if I could manage to get myself a small run around, and hand the car back.

If it isn't possible to get yourself a car of your own, and you can't contact him about the money you've already paid his sister, then I would put all further sums that you feel obliged to give him, into an envelope, together with a note saying that you gave the first £400 to his sister direct, and put the envelope in his hand when you give him the car back. (DO NOT give it to his sister to give him!) Then if he truly doesn't want or need it, he can put it back through your letterbox, give it to his sister or even the cat's home, if he wishes, but at least you will feel that you haven't been a CF, as MN is usually so happy to call people who don't pay their way.

Quartz2208 · 14/02/2024 23:51

If he is planning on keeping his car for when he gets back he needs it to be taxed and insured. You borrowing it doesn’t affect that. By all means see if paying for you to be added to his insurance is more but other than that you driving his car is actually benefitting him as the car is being used.

Tinkerbyebye · 15/02/2024 00:44

I would get my own car and hand this one back

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/02/2024 00:57

Just sent him a message saying that you've paid the money in because you didn't think it was fair he had to pay it. Say that you paid his sister and asked her to pass it on. Be very clear about the amount you paid and when you paid it.

Selenitetower · 15/02/2024 04:59

Put the costs of the car aside each month into a savings account and when he returns offer him the money in one big hit, he will either accept it or again say no you don’t need to pay him. For the meanwhile do not send his sister anymore money.

Spectre8 · 15/02/2024 06:59

This is the exactly why he said he will sort it all out becuase now your thinking of contacting him and he is off travelling and causing drama and problems when he should be off enjoying himself.

Why didn't you just respect his wishes

BLT2024 · 15/02/2024 07:26

Just accept the kind gesture and enjoy the car.