I'm paying but others taking the credit

[takeabreaker]

A friend has gone travelling and has very kindly loaned me his car for the next year or two as my car has recently died.
He would not let me pay the tax and insurance which does not sit right with me, and his sister is making these payments while he is away using his bank account.
The car tax was due this month and I told his sister it wasn't right and sent her £400 to cover it. She has since paid the car tax from his bank account then withdrawn the money I sent her and gifted it to her brother as a birthday present.
I asked her why she had done this and she said it was because he said I didn't have to pay.....I feel really awkward about this, I absolutely should be paying for the car - I've already paid to service it and don't know if I should say something or just let it go. I'm closer to his sister than him which makes things awkward.

Dh is the main driver of our car but the insurance is in my name.

Most insurers won't insure unless you are the registered keeper of the car. We found that out recently as our car died on us and we are now using ds's car. (He hasn't got his driving licence yet but dd1's dh gifted him the car)

I’d be furious with the sister. She should have returned the money if she wasn’t going to give it to him as intended.

Moving forward I would keep the money to one side and arrange to transfer it on his return for wear and tear, mileage etc as no doubt the car will devalue. If he won’t accept I’d buy a voucher for a substantial amount of money.

I would also feel very uncomfortable driving round in somebody’s motor without any financial costing to myself.

I would also want a copy of the insurance, I reckon your on dodgy ground which could be costly in the event of an accident- especially if you’ve 2 cars to fix/replace!

UK insurance policies usually require the policy holder to be UK resident, which if he is travelling for one to two years, he currently isn’t. So I also would be concerned that this insurance is in valid (decades of industry experience).

Sounds a good idea. Keep the money to one side.

He is happy. Probably thinks the car is better used than sitting for a year.
It's a kind and generous act. Let him do that if it's what he wants.

@Manthide it limits the pool of insurers but isn't an outright no. It's the combination of non UK resident, car used by a non spouse or even family member which is likely to make it a deal breaker. Stirling & Adrian Flux would have covered you to drive a car owned by DS.

Why are you not getting your own car? It seems like the most logical solution ?

@takeabreaker I would be uncomfortable with this too. If I was in your position, I would probably let him know that I was grateful for the offer but would decline, unless he was letting me pay for it (although I appreciate that this may be the best option financially for you).

I just feel that it is very rare to be offered something like this unconditionally. There are usually strings attached, even if the person doing the offering is not aware of it. I have been in situations like this, where someone offered me something and was adamant they didn't want paying or anything back for it. I gratefully accepted it and didn't think anything more of it. But then down the line it became clear that they had expectations of me - more of my time, care, attention etc - because they had done this, and it created misunderstandings and resentment on both sides.

I now try to be very clear at the start in these situations, as I don't want to feel beholden or indebted to anyone.

So the person you loaned the car to is happy to pay but you don’t want him to pay? Weird. He’s using the car, let him pay for it and keep the sister out of it. Why are you insisting on this? If the tax and insurance doesn’t get paid that’s a different matter, at that point you take the car back from him.

FFS he has been very clear he wants no money for the car. Stop complicating things by paying. His sister has now been put in a difficult position having to lie to her brother just because you will not listen.
Put the money to one side if it makes you feel better and offer it when he gets back. For God's sake don't be sending cryptic messages about the £400 leaving him wondering why his sister and dad have lied to him whilst he's in the middle of travelling.
And seriously, if you are incapable of accepting a small favour from a friend then just buy your own car

…….she just said the money was from her and their father as a birthday gift.

This is the worst bit!!! Lying like that! I would def text him as suggested by pp’s saying that you transferred the £ to his sister and you hope he received it. Let him work out what she’s done.

Just message him and say that, " I know you said you did the want me to pay towards the car, but I've sent £400 to your sister to contribute something. " Then he'll ask his sister, and realise that birthday money was from you. Crisis averted.

Because she has pretended that money was from her, id send him proof I sent it to settle a fucking bill.

I'd message him and tell him you sent his sister £400 to cover the tax and leave it at that.

She's only lying, though, because the OP was told not to pay but insisted, so they had to find a way to get it to the brother. I'm sure the brother could not be fucked dealing with this while hes away when he has already told the OP he will pay for tax & insurance. Why do people have to be so difficult?

Perhaps its the sister's way of getting the money to her brother without causing HIM or you embarrassment.

I’d be letting him know.
shes basically stolen money

In the end I was put down as the registered keeper, son in law gave ds a piece of paper saying the car was his and on the insurance I put him down as the owner, and ex dh ( long story but still living with me) is main driver. Everyone has trust issues with dh! We went with Churchill. It was more expensive than just letting me be the registered owner and keeper - no trust issues with ds and me- but that's how son in law wanted it.
I have a valid driving licence but don't drive anymore for various reasons. Dh has a eu driving licence which also makes it more expensive but he refuses to change it despite living in UK for almost 30 years.

In the grand scheme of things you paid for the car and he didn't, which is what you wanted. Does the fact he "doesn't know" important? Especially as he didn't want you to pay? He hasn't had to lose money for the car, which is the main thing. Don't worry about what he does/doesn't know, as who is paying for the car clearly isn't an issue for him.

How is the sister put in a difficult position?
She could have given the brother the money without lying to make herself look generous. end of story. And she lied and now its gonna be awkward if OP tells the friend.

Keep any monies to one side and leave it in the car when you return it with a thank you card that references the other £400

This is exactly what I was going to say