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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed friend brought her dog in my house

71 replies

seasidelove · 13/02/2024 14:29

Invited a friend and her family for lunch. She knows we have a cat but just walked in with the dog. I felt so awkward I didn’t say anything but really didn’t want her dog there mainly because my cat was terrified. The dog also slobbered all over the floor and left his paw prints and hair everywhere. It’s put me off inviting her here again and sort of put me off her a bit😟What would you have done?

OP posts:
Ariona · 13/02/2024 14:30

seasidelove · 13/02/2024 14:29

Invited a friend and her family for lunch. She knows we have a cat but just walked in with the dog. I felt so awkward I didn’t say anything but really didn’t want her dog there mainly because my cat was terrified. The dog also slobbered all over the floor and left his paw prints and hair everywhere. It’s put me off inviting her here again and sort of put me off her a bit😟What would you have done?

That's rude I would have been very annoyed. You don't bring your pet to someone else's home unless you have asked.

BranchGold · 13/02/2024 14:33

I think if it was an issue for you, you should have spoken up.

If I have a friend coming to my home, I’d feel comfortable with telling them a ‘what are you bloody playing at?! I can’t have a dog in the house with the cat!’

I say this as someone who absolutely adores dogs and can’t get enough of their company.

But I’d approach it like if someone was smoking a cigarette when I opened the door or something. There’s no use annoying yourself knowingly and complaining later.

AllrightNowBaby · 13/02/2024 14:33

I am 100% a dog lover but what your friend did was unacceptable.
I have had friends for over 20 years and have never felt the need to take my dog with me while visiting them.
I don’t blame you for feeling put off your friend.

DPotter · 13/02/2024 14:35

Yes - she was presumptive and why oh why didn't you say something when she walked in ?

Floralnomad · 13/02/2024 14:36

I would have stopped her at the door and said the dog couldn’t come in , bit late moaning when you’ve allowed it over the threshold .

Mumof2teens79 · 13/02/2024 14:36

I would have said "OH...(long pause) I didn't realise you were bringing your dog? (Another long pause)"
It's the height of rudeness and I don't why people suddenly think its OK.
We recently got our first dog and I have taken her to families houses and to pubs etc....but only after asking if it was OK and double checking and knowing she would be behave.

Original poster
seasidelove · 13/02/2024 14:37

I definitely should have said something. It was difficult as she’d traveled quite a way to get to me and I just didn’t know what to do.

OP posts:
PutMyFootIn · 13/02/2024 14:37

I have an open and honest relationship with my friends.

So I would have openly and honestly explained my issue with the dog and asked them in a polite and friendly manner not to bring the dog again.

MsSquiz · 13/02/2024 14:38

Friends and family know not to bring their dogs to our house as we have 2 cats.

If someone turned up with dog, I'd tell them at the door that the dog can't come in because of the cats. Friend can either decide if they're happy to leave the dog in the car (obviously not talking about warmer weather) or choose to reschedule their visit

MsSquiz · 13/02/2024 14:39

Having read your update, I would've said "I'll pop my coat on and we can take the dog for a walk and get a coffee or something"

Still wouldn't have just let them in

Pantsonfire5 · 13/02/2024 14:40

YABU for not saying something at the time.

DogDream · 13/02/2024 14:41

I’m one of those annoying people that takes my dog everywhere with me and even I think that’s unacceptable.

If I was travelling quite a distance like you said your friend did I’d drive and leave them in the car (and leave you after a little while to take them for a walk) or arrange to meet you out at a dog friendly place.

Fetaa · 13/02/2024 14:42

Just tell her beforehand next time

Georgeandzippyzoo · 13/02/2024 14:43

Has she just assumed that as its some distance you would have realised her dog would be there (still not the point!)
We've had to turn down visiting friends (dont have any animals themselves) who live 'too far away' but have explained that the dog can't be left for that length of time. I would never assume i could take the dog in any house.
In case of future visits I'd 'blame' the cat being very unsettled/distressed so you can't accommodate their dog unfortunately.

takealettermsjones · 13/02/2024 14:44

I'd have refused to let the dog in. The house is my cats' home, it's not fair on them to let a dog invade it. I also think your friend was rude.

I'd have been happy to let the dog into my back garden, so I'd have asked friend to go round the back and, if the weather was okay, I'd happily sit in the garden having a coffee etc. If she wasn't happy with that, she'd have to go home unfortunately.

boonr · 13/02/2024 14:45

Oh that's so awkward.

I would have done the same as you. It's pretty awkward to turn around and say the dog can't come in when they are literally at your doorstep.

I don't have any balls, so I personally wouldn't bring it up but I don't think I'd invite her over again.

It was mega rude of her to assume she could bring her dog over without asking.

My SIL turns up with the dog quite often and we've never invited her in with it, so I'm not sure if she thinks we are perhaps rude but we have a conversation in the doorway and that's enough!!

SquirrelsAssemble · 13/02/2024 14:45

'oh gosh, I didn't realise SlobberyDog was
coming. MyCat Will go berserk if he comes into the house. Will he be okay in the garden or should we go for a walk?"

Not sure how you backtrack once the seal is opened though. Anyone so oblivious to social norms will not take rejection of her fur baby, on the grounds that you didn't enjoy the last visit, very well.

BeadedBubbles · 13/02/2024 14:45

Would never take my dogs anywhere without first checking if it's okay. Wouldn't even ask if I was visiting someone with a cat - I'd just assume dogs weren't welcome.

ColleenDonaghy · 13/02/2024 14:46

I definitely wouldn't have let the dogs in, even without cats. "Oh sorry, we're not really dog people so we're a dog free house I'm afraid!" Although anyone who knows me would know that. Grin

Very easy to be wrongfooted in the moment though, don't beat yourself up. Next time you're meeting her explain the dog can't come to the house. It's not likely to happen with anyone else, but you'll be more ready to say no if it does!

ShennyInfinity · 13/02/2024 14:56

I have a cat, rescued, so still very nervous around people and dogs are an absolute no no! My daughter has just got a puppy Cockapoo who can't be left alone at the moment so when she comes to see me she always asks first, I never say no though, I just know up front the dog is coming and put my cat in the bedroom with litter tray and food for the day, he's not bothered, just sleeps. It's courteous to ask though, she shouldn't have assumed she could bring her dog knowing you've got a cat.

SandyY2K · 13/02/2024 14:59

Some people are just rude. You didn't invite the dog... where do people like this get off thinking this is acceptable behaviour.

MamPadi · 13/02/2024 15:03

Very rude of her not to ask first, and I say that as a dog owner and lover!

Babsexxx · 13/02/2024 15:07

RUDE I would of said what possessed you to bring your dog?! I’m a dog lover and have a dog but the clean up after her is really something the dog hair the paw prints etc especially this time of year.

Completely disrespectful! If you aren’t into being confrontational I would of 100% played on the cat! Your dog petrified my cat my cats home and mine is a dog free zone!

TheChosenTwo · 13/02/2024 15:10

I had a friend that came round to my house once and just brought her dog with her. I was a bit agog but we have had floors downstairs and at the time we had no other pets. Just did some extra hoovering when she left.
I have a different friend who will ask before she comes if she can bring her dog because we do have other pets so I can get them out of the way.
I do think it’s very rude to just turn up with a dog. I’m not especially an animal person!

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/02/2024 15:14

I have dogs. I don’t take them to peoples houses without asking, that’s just rude. You should have said something though.