To think there must be more help for a working single mum

[gemini1990]

A dear friend of mine has separated from her DH. Her decision, she's moved back in to her mums with her two very young children.

She works full time and earns circa 55k (SE England) she's having to buy a flat on the shared ownership scheme as this is literally all she can afford. She cannot afford to rent. She took 50% of the equity from the family house sale but left everything she owned in the family home and he took all of it. He's not paying her any maintenance despite him not having the kids 50% (she will go through the CSA). He's told her even if the CSA chase that he won't pay and she will have to take him to court before she gets a penny.

She can't afford a solicitor as every penny she owns is going on a deposit for her tiny flat for her and her children.

Due to her salary she's not eligible for any benefits.

It just seems so unfair. She works full time, but if she didn't, she may be eligible for a council house?!

Am I missing something??? And how do people get divorced and pay for solicitors when they have no money? Her exH cleared out the joint account when she left. He's kept all their savings, their belongings, everything.

Any advice on if we are missing something key here - from anyone who's been through it before. When she's paid all her mortgage, childcare and bills and food etc she's going to be left with next to nothing.

Ignore the last post. He's in no better position than her according to the law. Unless he has many undeclared assets in which case she should try.

I’d love to change places with her - signed a disabled single mum who can’t work because of disability

She can scrape by and as kids grow she will be ok financially.

She should have taken him to court for a fair divison of assets. She'd have got more than 50%. She needs legal advice sharpish. The CMS can take money direct from his salary.

He is from a very wealthy family and will have access to the very best legal support.
Do his family know how he is planning to financially neglect his DC? Any chance of them pointing out to him what a completely despicable arsehole he would be to behave in such an inappropriate manner?

I divorced a couple of years ago. I work full time as a nurse, have 2 children and receive zero benefits (aside from CB) and zero child maintenance as exH self employed and CMS can do nothing to make him pay as he declares no earnings. It's crap.

This

Many people are absolutely clueless to what the benefit system is like in reality as opposed to the tripe pedalled by the Daily Mail.

@brokenbitbybit It worked for my ex-husband. He didn't want the kids; he just wanted revenge.

If your ex didn't truly want the kids and they didn't want to be there, it wouldn't have gone to EOW in his favour. I've seen other posts on this.

@gemini1990 How much did she get out of the house sale? Unfortunately, leaving the house is one of the biggest mistakes women make. It is best to get them out.

The dad must be made to pay

Lol. We're 15 years and waiting. Most of my ex's debt has been written off by the CMS.

@Calderadust How do you "make" someone leave?

@Calderadust Absolute crap! The starting position is 50/50 in cases where children are small (in my case 3 and 6 yrs). Then as they get older, abusers (of either gender) frighten and brainwash.
You clearly have no idea how the family courts system works and/or you're scared to admit it.
Or do you honestly believe "mothers have more rights".
Because they don't.

They can take it from source. IME with CMS they take the receiving parents word for it re shared care. He can’t just refuse to pay.

While it is shit for her you may be surprised to find that even in the South East there are couples who will think 55k is decent money.

Council housing us difficult to get most was sold off to allow people to become property owners and private landlords would provide better quality cheaper housing than councils.

Quite the opposite here. My DH’s exW fabricated some income and CMS just took her word for it, spent ages proving a negative - that he didn’t have the income and recovered some of it in reduced forward payments but not it all.

It’s shit alround!

Spending even a relatively small amount of money on a consultation with a solicitor would be the best use of her money at this point.

They will be able to advise - if they were married then there is potential there for a relatively small investment in legal advice to mean that she has a lot more money.

My consultation was 250 pounds and it's the best money I have EVER spent

@MrBanana If it's genuinely 50/50 shared care nobody pays anything.

He has to pay CMS. They will obtain his rate of pay through HMRC and calculate what he should be paying. Either he can pay this willingly or they will take it from him along with a fee.

She needs to search Bhavna Radia, a former divorce lawyer
and listen to the initial free talks then have a chat to her

A woman on less earnings wouldn’t just “get” a council house. More likely 6 years in a B&B with no cooking facilities- making your money stretch to live on convenience foods, sharing a bedroom with your children, drugs in the next house, etc.

Said woman would be higher on the list but so are thousands of other families.

OP says it isn’t. My point is if her ex tries to say it IS 50:50 CMS IME only budge on receipt of a court order and take the receiving parents word as gospel.

In the same way many men manage to 'make' women leave. Sometimes it is clever negotiation and sometimes it is sheer will and determination. The War of The Roses movie as outrageous as it is, pokes fun at this issue.

I have extensive knowledge of the family court system and Parental Alienation is always the 'go to' accusation when one parent can't accept their children would rather spend more time with the other parent.

I don't believe mothers have 'more rights' and I didn't say that. However, the investigations are often more extensive and the independent experts involved give serious consideration as to why children might pick a father as the resident parent, more so than than children who wish to stay with their mum.

I assume the Court would have ordered Psychological evaluation of the children and perhaps even you and your ex if PA allegations were involved. Cafcass must have been involved? The ages of your children are significant too, it is accepted that teenagers can decide for themselves to some extent, whilst their wishes are considered they are not taken into account without further evidence, if PA is an issue. There will be a reason why the Court decided to grant your ex majority custody.

She NEEDS to get a solicitor to get a consent order in place at least. Even after the divorce is absolute, he can still claim on any assets she might have (depending on circumstances). She can't put her head in the sand again.

Exactly, your friend moved with her mum, they have a roof over their heads so they are not homeless as so many single mums and she is earning 55K salary (not low income).
Yes, it's not fair her ex has abused her financially but the problem is that, not her not being able to get benefits (she has an income of 55K and saving money living with her mum!)