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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think present money should be returned if marriage lasts just a few weeks

59 replies

Friedchickenrocks · 12/02/2024 21:38

Last June we were invited to a wedding... in India in August. Lad 3 doors down and we know family quite well. Declined the invitation but gave £50. Was looking forward to meeting the lass when she came. He got her visa and flight but since heard she's filing for divorce and doesn't want to come here as heard it gets cold in winter. She could have found that out easily online beforehand!! . So he's offered to live in India but no she wants a divorce. Lad, 25, is heartbroken. Arranged marriage.
Saw another neighbour who is closer than us to them and he says he gave £100 and thinks they should return all the money as they've made marriage like a joke.
What do you think? Hadn't thought of it until he said it.

OP posts:
BCBird · 12/02/2024 21:41

No shoukd not be returned. Are you prepared to ask for it back in these upsetting circumstances? I wouldn't

Londonrach1 · 12/02/2024 21:42

No. Poor lad. Lucky escape for him

Cheeseflakes · 12/02/2024 21:42

Gosh that's an odd one isn't it!
I think they should return the money, but if I'd gifted the money, I wouldn't ask for it back and just accept the loss. I mean, how often do marriages end that quickly?

Scooby2024 · 12/02/2024 21:43

For £50 I wouldn't be bothered. Tbh I would just feel bad for the lad. Also you don't know if she has the cash and not him.

Hairspray123 · 12/02/2024 21:44

I cant believe you gave £50 and a different neighbour have £100 to an arranged marraige you didnt even attend. Was it even a real marriage could you have been conned? Id return the money/gifts as the bride/groom, but wouldnt expect it to be returned if I was the guest.

Original poster
Friedchickenrocks · 12/02/2024 21:45

BCBird · 12/02/2024 21:41

No shoukd not be returned. Are you prepared to ask for it back in these upsetting circumstances? I wouldn't

No of course not. The family is devastated and can't understand her at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Friedchickenrocks · 12/02/2024 21:47

Hairspray123 · 12/02/2024 21:44

I cant believe you gave £50 and a different neighbour have £100 to an arranged marraige you didnt even attend. Was it even a real marriage could you have been conned? Id return the money/gifts as the bride/groom, but wouldnt expect it to be returned if I was the guest.

Edited

We got an invitation and have seen the wedding pics. We've known them years so didn't doubt it was real. Fed their cat every day and had a key to their house whilst they were in India. She couldn't come back with him as the visa takes a few weeks to process.

OP posts:
SummerDays2020 · 12/02/2024 21:47

No it shouldn't be returned. Unless you put conditions on your gift? When I give, I give freely.

Fionaville · 12/02/2024 21:47

If the lad just has the gift money just sat in his bank account, he should offer to return it. But I wouldn't expect it (but then I wouldn't give £50 for a wedding I wasn't attending anyway)

fedupwithbeinghot · 12/02/2024 21:49

You can't understand her? You really can't understand that the poor girl might have been in love with someone else and detested her arranged marriage? That she might have been scared of telling her parents? That on seeing the husband and spending the wedding week with him she finally found the courage to say "fuck this"!

TheSnowyOwl · 12/02/2024 21:50

No, you can’t expect money you have gifted back.

Original poster
Friedchickenrocks · 12/02/2024 21:51

fedupwithbeinghot · 12/02/2024 21:49

You can't understand her? You really can't understand that the poor girl might have been in love with someone else and detested her arranged marriage? That she might have been scared of telling her parents? That on seeing the husband and spending the wedding week with him she finally found the courage to say "fuck this"!

I said his family can't understand her, not us.

OP posts:
Hairspray123 · 12/02/2024 21:52

Friedchickenrocks · 12/02/2024 21:47

We got an invitation and have seen the wedding pics. We've known them years so didn't doubt it was real. Fed their cat every day and had a key to their house whilst they were in India. She couldn't come back with him as the visa takes a few weeks to process.

Edited
Show quote history

That does sound very sad for the groom. At least you know it was genuine. Hope he finds somone and is happy.

LizFromMotherland · 12/02/2024 21:53

No it shouldn't be returned.

The weather thing sounds like an excuse, you have no idea what might've really gone on.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 12/02/2024 21:56

£50 is not worth risking the relationship with your neighbours for. Also, the money may have gone already, my husband and I spent our wedding money within 6 weeks.

SherylCrow · 12/02/2024 22:15

The weather story being told by this "poor" lad's family is bullshit, you must realise that. I hope these 2 young people can find happiness independently without any further money changing hands, wedding guests and family alike.

4Bangles · 12/02/2024 22:24

No. My cousin and his fiance split up 24 hours after their engagment party. He did call to offer our money back - our culture we gift closer to £500. We said no, you're stressed enough, go and treat yourself. Nobody else said yes to taking it back either.

positivesliceofpie · 12/02/2024 23:34

This reply has been deleted

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EbonyRaven · 12/02/2024 23:37

Going against the grain here. Yes they should return everything given to them IMO. This all sounds very odd. Very suspicious actually.

Even if you ask - I seriously doubt you will see your money.

EbonyRaven · 12/02/2024 23:38

4Bangles · 12/02/2024 22:24

No. My cousin and his fiance split up 24 hours after their engagment party. He did call to offer our money back - our culture we gift closer to £500. We said no, you're stressed enough, go and treat yourself. Nobody else said yes to taking it back either.

WOW. 😆 Really? They just kept everyone's money?

And you gave £500 for an engagement gift?!

I am actually speechless! Shock

Slanabhaile · 12/02/2024 23:41

Friedchickenrocks · 12/02/2024 21:47

We got an invitation and have seen the wedding pics. We've known them years so didn't doubt it was real. Fed their cat every day and had a key to their house whilst they were in India. She couldn't come back with him as the visa takes a few weeks to process.

Edited
Show quote history

This makes no sense, as your previous post makes out it was an arranged marriage ...got her visa and flight but since heard she's filing for divorce and doesn't want to come here as heard it gets cold in winter. She could have found that out easily online beforehand!!

If you know them so well & fed their cat ... how did she not know it was cold in winter?

Towerofsong · 12/02/2024 23:42

Well, the lad or his family have just lost £3000 on her visa application and non refundable NHS contribution. Plus the wedding and travel costs. I'd wish him better luck next time and forget about the money.

EbonyRaven · 12/02/2024 23:43

Slanabhaile · 12/02/2024 23:41

This makes no sense, as your previous post makes out it was an arranged marriage ...got her visa and flight but since heard she's filing for divorce and doesn't want to come here as heard it gets cold in winter. She could have found that out easily online beforehand!!

If you know them so well & fed their cat ... how did she not know it was cold in winter?

Edited
Show quote history

Hmmm, quite!

4Bangles · 12/02/2024 23:44

They split so i assume she kept her gifted money as he did that with our side of the family 🤷🏻‍♀️ yes we gift that much for immediate family / first cousins. We gave it in good faith and still dont know why they split up! @EbonyRaven

Babadook76 · 12/02/2024 23:46

I think they have bigger problems to worry about that returning all the wedding gifts

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