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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Two weekends out in a row?

54 replies

EPLW · 11/02/2024 21:59

As a mother/parent, would you class it as being unreasonable to have two weekends out in a row? (As a one off!)

Me and DP have two children together (DD 5, DS 18 months). I’ve exclusively breastfed both until 15 months and so that meant it was harder to ever leave them for an evening when they were younger, nor did I actually want too so I wasn’t as fussed back then. However now DS has started to get a bit older I’ve found myself making a little bit more time for me and the past couple months I’ve gone out for around one eve a month with friends for a drink etc. DP hates me going out and is always a bit cold with me when I do, he’s not very sociable and so chooses to rarely go out himself (I’ve never stopped him, actually encourage him too). We don’t normally row about it however and he will be ok again the next day, this was until this weekend anyways. I ended up going out for the eve last weekend due to some of the school mums going for a drink - we are relatively new to our Village and I don’t know anyone particularly well and so I did want to go to try maybe get a bit closer with some of the mums! Had a really lovely time, kept in contact with DP all eve and was home by a sensible time. He was however still cold with me when I came in, fine the next day however. Fast forward to this weekend and a friend had tickets for a concert that she’d got ages ago and I had promised to go with her as we hadn’t done anything childfree since before I had my son. So we went and again had a lovely time, kept in contact all night - even to the point of making it a mission to find a quiet place to call to let him know that the 4G wasn’t working the first half the night so if he needed me make sure he sent a text or ring and not iMessage as they wouldn’t come through. Left exactly when I said I would and because he didn’t want me staying at my friends house as he wanted me home, I had to walk through a rough area of the city alone at night to get the last bus back. Then when I get through the door he goes off on one telling me that I am taking the piss going out all the time and that normal mums don’t go out that much, quizzing me on if I was ‘speaking to any guys’ making me swear on our children's hearts, when I admitted my friend was talking to a guy but I just said a quick hi to be polite then kept my distance and enjoyed the music, he started saying stuff like ‘so I’ve been looking after our children whilst you’ve been off talking to guys all night’. He was then also pissy due to ‘expecting a bit’ when I got home which I gave in too but wasn’t exactly frilled as felt like crap and had done 31,000 steps!! I just felt like I couldn’t of done anything more to of kept him happy but it still wasn’t enough. BUT was I taking the piss or is he being an arse?

OP posts:
cocavino · 11/02/2024 22:01

He sounds horrible and controlling

Ducksinthebath · 11/02/2024 22:02

cocavino · 11/02/2024 22:01

He sounds horrible and controlling

Exactly this.

Minglingpringle · 11/02/2024 22:04

Horrible and controlling.

PonyPatter44 · 11/02/2024 22:04

He's being an arse, I'm afraid. Its not that you've gone out two nights in a row, but that you say "DP hates me going out and is always a bit cold with me when I do". His behaviour when you came home was also unacceptable.

I bet he's lovely when you're doing everything he wants. He's not very nice when you're out from under his eye, though, is he?

AndThatWasNY · 11/02/2024 22:04

What a wanker
I go out every week often twice, occasionally 3 times. Sometimes with DH often not. He does the same. We sometimes get a babysitter or friends in to do babysitting swaps or palm the kids off for reciprocated sleepovers.

I don't think he has every said don't go out and only gets pissed off when I forget a key for the 3 week in a row and get him out of bed at 1am.

Sorry you are with him.

Amammai · 11/02/2024 22:05

His behaviour isn’t okay. Has he ever been like this in the past? Huge red flags. Don’t let him make you feel it’s your fault.

MrsO3 · 11/02/2024 22:06

Red flags all over the place. He sounds like an actual walking red flag 🚩

whatkatydid2014 · 11/02/2024 22:06

There is absolutely nothing wrong with an evening out at the weekend 2 weeks in a row. When my youngest was a similar age I was away with work 2 weeks in 8 and went out for an evening most weeks when home with friends. My partner strongly encouraged it as he knew I’d feel better having some time with other adults outside work. He has always been less sociable and likes alone time so I’d try and get out with the kids for a morning or afternoon most weekends to give him some relaxing time. He sounds like he’s either utterly unwilling to do his share in the childcare stakes and resents having to when you head out or he’s got some strong controlling tendencies or most likely both. It doesn’t sound great really and I’d be concerned for a friend who told me this was her partners reaction to her going out.

DragonGypsyDoris · 11/02/2024 22:07

It will only get worse.

BananaSquiggle · 11/02/2024 22:08

“He was then also pissy due to ‘expecting a bit’ when I got home which I gave in too“ 🤢🤮 Awful

SecondUsername4me · 11/02/2024 22:09

Urgh. Stop "giving in" to sex when you don't want it. No man who actually loves and respects you would expect you to do that.

He is a controlling, jealous, nasty man.

Getthethrowonthesofa · 11/02/2024 22:11

Fucks sake. This is appalling, he expected a bit? Wtaf.

KCSIE · 11/02/2024 22:13

BananaSquiggle · 11/02/2024 22:08

“He was then also pissy due to ‘expecting a bit’ when I got home which I gave in too“ 🤢🤮 Awful

Yeah this is the bit that I find triggering!
Should have said no, OP.

He sounds very insecure.

rainbowsparkle28 · 11/02/2024 22:15

This is not healthy and he sounds abusive and controlling. You deserve more as do your children, they do not need to grow up around this kind of behaviour towards their mother.

EPLW · 11/02/2024 22:16

Thank you everyone for your responses. If I’m honest I kinda knew that it’s him being an arse and so just came here to vent with the support of fellow mummas on the internet as can feel alone quite a lot, and I feel like I go to my friends too much about our issues without them feeling like their advice is falling on death ears. He’s a total controlling knob if I’m honest, speaks to me like crap, always miserable and never makes me feel good about myself. I know what the answer is I’m just SO scared to do it as don’t have much support.

OP posts:
Alicewinn · 11/02/2024 22:18

Was there anything else going on before all this started all that or did this behaviour come as a shock to you?

MereDintofPandiculation · 11/02/2024 22:18

He's unpleasant and potentially dangerous

I had to walk through a rough area of the city alone at night to get the last bus back. This unacceptable. Your safety should be paramount to him.

so I’ve been looking after our children whilst you’ve been off talking to guys all night Jealousy is an unpleasant trait and possibly a red flag for future violence

He was then also pissy due to ‘expecting a bit’ when I got home which I gave in too Sex without your willing consent is rape. You didn't consent; you gave in to his demand because you were frightened of his reaction if you didn't.

dancinginthewind · 11/02/2024 22:23

What was he like before you had DC?
And how does he react if you go out on a week night with friends? Or to the gym or for other exercise? If you do any voluntary work, is that outside the home and what are his thoughts on that?

EPLW · 11/02/2024 22:42

@dancinginthewind before DC we tended to go out together a lot so it wasn’t very noticeable, even after our DD we still would go out together as my mum would have her over for the night. My mums now unfortunately going through chemo and his mum won’t babysit so one of us has to stay home! I don’t go out in the week as I know it would cause issues. I also don’t go gym etc as I can’t drive and live in a semi rural area so hard for me to get to one! Don’t do any voluntary work either but I’m sure he wouldn’t have a problem with that at least. I’m returning to uni in September (took two years out after completing my first year just before DS was born), but he never had any issues over me going there.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 11/02/2024 23:10

I’ve been out twice this weekend. My husband said that he likes how happy I am after seeing my friends.

Your partner is exactly as horrible you’re worried he is.

WineIsMyMainVice · 11/02/2024 23:21

He sounds like an arse. Take some time to consider your options and make plans for the future.
Good luck op

luckylavender · 11/02/2024 23:27

This is not ok.

brunettemic · 11/02/2024 23:30

A couple of weeks ago I went out Friday and Saturday then Friday the next weekend. As long as we’re not getting in the way of anything else neither me or DH have an issue. I may or may not have been feeling a touch rough at a football match for DC after one of those nights 😂

bibblebobbles · 11/02/2024 23:36

I don't think you're unreasonable, but I'll point out that this story on MN with the man and woman in reverse roles automatically gets the man branded as "a bad father and husband"

I don't like the double standard on here

hellsBells246 · 11/02/2024 23:36

PonyPatter44 · 11/02/2024 22:04

He's being an arse, I'm afraid. Its not that you've gone out two nights in a row, but that you say "DP hates me going out and is always a bit cold with me when I do". His behaviour when you came home was also unacceptable.

I bet he's lovely when you're doing everything he wants. He's not very nice when you're out from under his eye, though, is he?

This.

He's a jealous, suspicious, controlling insecure dick.

BTW, when you're out for an evening, you should not need to keep in touch with him at all. You're out. He doesn't need to bother you.

This could break your relationship.

His attitude is unhealthy: you both need friends and to go out.

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