Two weekends out in a row?

[EPLW]

As a mother/parent, would you class it as being unreasonable to have two weekends out in a row? (As a one off!)

Me and DP have two children together (DD 5, DS 18 months). I’ve exclusively breastfed both until 15 months and so that meant it was harder to ever leave them for an evening when they were younger, nor did I actually want too so I wasn’t as fussed back then. However now DS has started to get a bit older I’ve found myself making a little bit more time for me and the past couple months I’ve gone out for around one eve a month with friends for a drink etc. DP hates me going out and is always a bit cold with me when I do, he’s not very sociable and so chooses to rarely go out himself (I’ve never stopped him, actually encourage him too). We don’t normally row about it however and he will be ok again the next day, this was until this weekend anyways. I ended up going out for the eve last weekend due to some of the school mums going for a drink - we are relatively new to our Village and I don’t know anyone particularly well and so I did want to go to try maybe get a bit closer with some of the mums! Had a really lovely time, kept in contact with DP all eve and was home by a sensible time. He was however still cold with me when I came in, fine the next day however. Fast forward to this weekend and a friend had tickets for a concert that she’d got ages ago and I had promised to go with her as we hadn’t done anything childfree since before I had my son. So we went and again had a lovely time, kept in contact all night - even to the point of making it a mission to find a quiet place to call to let him know that the 4G wasn’t working the first half the night so if he needed me make sure he sent a text or ring and not iMessage as they wouldn’t come through. Left exactly when I said I would and because he didn’t want me staying at my friends house as he wanted me home, I had to walk through a rough area of the city alone at night to get the last bus back. Then when I get through the door he goes off on one telling me that I am taking the piss going out all the time and that normal mums don’t go out that much, quizzing me on if I was ‘speaking to any guys’ making me swear on our children's hearts, when I admitted my friend was talking to a guy but I just said a quick hi to be polite then kept my distance and enjoyed the music, he started saying stuff like ‘so I’ve been looking after our children whilst you’ve been off talking to guys all night’. He was then also pissy due to ‘expecting a bit’ when I got home which I gave in too but wasn’t exactly frilled as felt like crap and had done 31,000 steps!! I just felt like I couldn’t of done anything more to of kept him happy but it still wasn’t enough. BUT was I taking the piss or is he being an arse?

If you were my friend I’d advise you to make plans to leave.

Ideally you’d learn to drive first . How long will it take you to finish your degree and will you be able to get a a good job at the end of it?

I have some good news for you - there are lots of other sites on the internet where there are no double standards, I’m sure you will feel much happier there.

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

You dont seem compatible, you said he doesn't like going out but you do. So everything else aside this will always be a bone of contention. He won't like that you do cos he doesn't like doing it himself. You won't like being in all the time cos u like to go out occassionally

He was then also pissy due to ‘expecting a bit’ when I got home which I gave in too
OP, I know you don't want to accept quite how bad things are, but he coerced you into sex. That sex offenders register levels of bad.

Get out.
I say this as someone who was in a relationship like this for 7 years. It took me a long time to realise that messaging and calling when out isn’t normal, nor is expecting sex when you’re home as he’s doing it because he thinks you’ve been flirting with other men. Being cold and off with you isn’t ok, you’re perfectly entitled to a night out, and 2 weeks in a row is absolutely fine. I’m not saying it will escalate like my situation did but what started as annoying behaviour soon became controlling and violent.
Get out before it gets worse.

This is awful, I went out last night with some friends (my husband dropped me off) and today I had a last min invite and it didn't even cross my mind it would be an issue and it wasn't, he was totally happy for me to go out socialising, and that's how it should be. I also go out every Tuesday dancing. I never mind if he goes out either!

I'm guessing that, from your husbands perspective, you have a lovely time chilling out while he is hard at work during the week and then on a weekend you swan off for a jolly with your friends leaving him with childcare, i.e. more work?

(Please note the dripping sarcasm within that!)

My advice would be just to ignore his behaviour, don't pander, don't get annoyed just carry on as you would. If he tries to have a go, try not to rise to it and never apologise!

You did nothing wrong. It's his issue.

Whatever you do to try and keep him happy will never be enough. He will always find fault and eventually wear you down because your social life causes such issues.

@TUCKINGFYP0

Having a bad day?

This behaviour is abusive op, he's controlling and nasty towards you.

Call women's aid, take some steps and make your plans to leave

so he's had a go at you, interrogated you, insinuated you were entertaining other men and the bullied you into sex?

Its is not normal for a partner to be cold with you every time you socially without them.

What would you say to a friend who was being treated like this by her partner?

You know its wrong.

Really? Can you point us to a thread where a man is being branded a bad father for going out once a month after not going out for the first 15 months of their child’s life? Thanks.

Bullshit. Man goes out two weekends in a row for the first time and wife cracks it, and also expects sex even if he isn’t keen? You are confusing this with ‘I have 3 under 3, they don’t sleep either, Dh works late 2 nights a week, is at the gym 2 nights, footy followed by the pub the other night, plays and coaches footy Saturdays and golfs Sunday morning every week AIBU to be lonely and exhausted and upset?’

As a one off? Not at all, sounds like you deserve it! Your husband is a dick, this would seriously piss me off

His behaviour is not normal. I would seriously have a think about how you want the rest of your life to be. When my kids were small my DH would
encourage me to go out and get a change of scene!
I think you might need to think about ending it.

This.

You did absolutely nothing wrong and you actually put yourself at risk coming home alone at night instead of staying at your friend's home.

DO NOT STOP SEEING YOUR FRIENDS!!

@bibblebobbles "I don't think you're unreasonable, but I'll point out that this story on MN with the man and woman in reverse roles automatically gets the man branded as "a bad father and husband"

I don't like the double standard on here"

What- all those men who have spent the 15 of the past 18 months breastfeeding are branded "bad fathers and husbands" when they go on a night out? Can't say I've seen much of that.

As other PPs have pointed out, he expected you to keep in contact with him during your night out, and demanded to know if other men had looked at you, which if you were truly deluded, you coukd dress up as concern for your safety.... but he didn't care enough about your well-being to make sure you were safe at the end of the night.

This really isn't how good healthy relationships work.

@bibblebobbles I knew someone would say that. When women complain about dads going out they've been out EVERY Friday and / or Saturday, come home in the early hours pissed, woken everyone up and vomited or pissed on the floor. They then check out of parenting the next day as they're hungover. Not really the same as the OP having 2 out 14 nights out for the first time in over a year and being home at a time her DP is still up. No double standard, different problem.

@BibbleandSqwauk Quite.

He’s a textbook abuser and it’s only going to get worse not better, and it’s only going to get harder and harder to get out and it will absolutely damage your children. I know the idea of leaving is scary but surely the idea of committing yourself and your children to living with him for the next however many years is scarier?

@bibblebobbles

Having a bad day?

Why on earth should you be keeping in touch with him all night ? He isn't making you happy, time to end it .

@TUCKINGFYP0 that was unnecessarily rude. Why would you be so nasty?

You are apprehensive about leaving as you feel you won’t have support. Your friends might surprise you. If their advice has been falling on deaf ears they might be overjoyed when you do finally leave the arse hole and be very supportive