To be flabbergasted by what he said

[magicwatercolour]

Ex and I are divorcing. We share 5yo DD who he only sees once a year by choice. He moved abroad 2 years ago. In December, he requested to see her during the upcoming school holidays. I agreed with no issues. Last week, he texted to ask if I could get her passport ready because he's taking her abroad, I refused because I have no info of where he is. Anyway, I texted him today to confirm visit plans. He said he will not visit because I didn't let him take DD abroad. He then went on to say he should be able to see DD where and when he wants, which is confusing as I have been encouraging him to visit and build a relationship with DD. It was is decision to move abroad. I messaged him back to say from now on, he can only contact me to arrange plans that he will 100% stick to, because last minute changes affect my ability to secure childcare. Due to the nature of my job, I also can't take any time off. DD is also very upset that her dad is not coming and it's something else for me to deal with.

Out of nowhere he replied with this "In my opinion your heart is dark and rotten and has always been despite the surface image you're trying to give of yourself, bless you, I hope you get better soon in your inner soul, may god guide you and help you put your daughters' happiness before your selfishness and hate. To this day I still don't know why I can't have XXXXX spend time with me the way I want and where I want. You should purify your heart, stop hating and being selfish, think of XXXX's happiness before your own, the future is bright for everyone."

For context, he doesn't call or ask how she is doing. Stopped child maintenance. Attempted to sell the property we live in without me knowing and we were at risk of homelessness. He cancels plans all the time, most times without notifying me, I have to enquire. In terms of our marriage, he cheated on me. Passed an STI and was generally very abusive towards me for the entire relationship.

AIBU to think this is completely out of line considering I have been nice to him despite the above.

You don't know where he lives but he wants you to make her passport available? This seems like a parental abduction in the works. Get your divorce settled soon.

The PS order sounds like a very good idea.

I wouldn’t be flabbergasted, because it’s obvious he’s an absolute bellend and this is exactly the sort of nonsense I’d expect someone like him to send. If I received that message from a man like him, my reaction would be to text back ‘LOL’ and then block his number. He can communicate through a solicitor from now on.

To be honest, I think that the only mistake here was to have tried to encourage a relationship between your daughter and a father she barely even knows. He’s seen her twice since she was three years old and he was abusive when you were together. I completely understand that you have sincerely tried to do the right thing, and that’s commendable, but I genuinely don’t think this man’s presence in your daughter’s life is going to benefit her in any way. This insane message you’ve received confirms that.

He sounds unstable and deluded and I’m sorry you’re still having to deal with his abuse even after your separation xx

Do not under any circumstances let him take her anywhere

Your post worries me. He sounds very angry with you / hates you. I would be fearful that he would take her, not because he wants her but to punish you.

Thank you all.

He messaged again saying "Gold medal for depriving a 5yo girl from spending time with her dad. Take is easy (my name), don't be too hash on (DD's name) because of your inner rage and anger towards me.....👏👏👏"

and "You're the best human being on earth, XXXX. Congratulations. Let me clap for you, and give you a gold medal once more!" Sarcastic of course.

He's blocked now. Can't call or text unless he gets a new number.

I didn't know asking him to commit to a plan would really upset him.