Settlement in divorce . Will this be enough for the children?

[fortheloveofcase]

Thanks for reading.
I'm heading into settlement talks and
Will meet my solicitor next week. We have three teens and live outside UK so all third level ed, medical, dental, orthodontic fees are payable.
Currently all three kids live with me.
They have no relationship with their dad as they don't want that despite much encouragement from me.
He pays mortgage on the home the children and myself live in.
This, aswell as equiv of £40 per week is maintenance.
I work full time. I was main earner and financed and supported him to climb the ladder for 16 years.
He is now self employed and very successful.
I had two substantial inheritances in the marriage which I put straight into the family.
He had his weekly wage.
I have a share in a family home and a pension. Worth a bit, not a huge amount. Have another fifteen years to retirement.
He has suggested us selling the family home ( that I'm in and he pays mortgage on in lieu of maintenance ) and splitting equity after mortgage sum is subtracted approx £40k. He has offered me
£20k cash to get half of equity.
He has said he will pay maintenance cash then thereafter .
Equity will be approx £300k.
He is hiding money and has refused to acknowledge receiving papers that have been served .
Now on paper this sounds good but truth he is, he cannot be trusted. He is a cheat, a liar and has not paid the big spends ... ed, medical etc despite promising to do so.

He says he will no 'go after' my pension or share of other house if I agree to this.

Two children have SN ALSO, for context and third child is currently in UNI and he has refused point blank to pay anything. This has cost be £ 10k so far this year.
Is this enough to provide half of children's expenses until they are educated in your opinion? Would you accept this .

No. He’s offering you the bare minimum he wants to part with. Without full financial disclosure I wouldn’t even discuss it. With 3 kids, 2 with SN, and sacrificing your career, plus your inheritances he knows you will likely be granted a larger proportion, and like you say he is hiding money that also needs to be split, as well as his pension. What split of his pension has he offered?

if he is hiding money now, you can guarantee that he will use his self employed status to avoid paying you fair maintenance.

His pension is worth SFA. Maybe £5k

And thanks for your reply also!

See a solicitor, starting point is 50/50 but 70/30 is probably fairer if you are having the children children full time

Thanks for reply. His business is predominantly cash so he won't disclose and if he does I expect it will be bare minimum. I'm afraid to take my chances I guess.. they're sending him notice of motion tomorrow I believe. I do t even know what that means ! She said something about 21 days notice

That’s a terrible offer. A few questions:
Have you exchanged form Es?
Have you filed a form A with the court?
Has your lawyer suggested a pension report to be carried out by a pensions expert who will work out what a split would look like?
Does your ex have legal representation?
Form A will trigger court ordered financial disclosure from you both and it gets the ball rolling. What is your lawyer advising?

Where do you live/where are you divorcing? Hard to know what you might it sound get if not in the UK.

I’d be very surprised if his pension is only worth £5k. Did he tell you that?
It’s a terrible offer regardless.

Living in Ireland.
So far, papers have been served three weeks ago . He says he won't be engaging a solicitor . He didn't respond at all so solicitor has sent him papers which give him 21 days to respond.
He text with that offer and. Said it's non negotiable and his final offer!
He said if I don't agree he will go for my pension and share of house .
I've submitted eveything.

You need a good solicitor and a forensic accountant if there is a lot of cash.

i know someone who got all of the equity from the house because she could show her children’s father had a history of hiding assets and would be unreliable paying child support.

This is the issue..
I don't trust him in any way.
He has shown himself to be a liar a cheat and untrustworthy. He has no time for kids unless one of his relationships falls apart for a few days and then he's looking for the kids to go for lunch or a drink.

It’s difficult to give advice because you don’t live in the UK and divorce laws vary around the world.

Our laws are quite similar. In fact many of them in divorce laws are based largely on UK laws.

Have you or your solicitor filed all of your forms with the court (affidavit of means and the rest)?

if you were in the UK I would tell you to search online for a Child maintenance calculator. That’s how much you ex would pay you each month.
I would then warn you that self employed people can use clever accounting to make it look like they earn very little. you need to confirm what it’s like in your country. Do companies publish profits and income online ? I realise that he might be hiding income from whoever collects tax but it’s a start.

With regards to the mortgage payments, how can you trust him to continue paying ? If you wanted to sell then you’d owe him 50% or whatever of the equity which is delaying the housing issue to a later date. You might earn more in future but you might not be able to work as many hours.

This is why you need local legal advice about the safest course of action to take bearing in mind what you know about your ex.

OP, having just gone through a divorce in Ireland, the systems in Ireland and UK are worlds apart. You're mistaken.

Thanks. I didn't realise this . I was led to believe that the laws are quite similar . I've filed everything

If you live outside the UK, then advice about the UK is irrelevant. You need to seek advice where you are.

A few things to consider. If he runs a business is this not half yours? Is it the kind of business that has any material value that you could negotiate with?

Check if there is a consequence to him paying the mortgage instead of maintenance. Will this effect ownership or distribution of equity down the line.

Some guidance, Ireland-based.

1. If he doesn't see the kids, it's very likely a section 32 will be ordered. Certainly if he gets legal representation (which I'm certain he will, in the end) they will look for this. This is also known as a Voice of the Child report, and is both expensive, and stressful.

1. Regarding what you / he paid during the marriage, it will be irrelevant unless you go into court & give evidence (usually discouraged unless there's a very big difference in earnings / what you both want / assets.

1. The judge will review the Affidavit of Means, and Affidavit of Welfare from you both & make suggestions on that basis, and will encourage settlement talks on those suggestions.

1. You may have to attend court more than once. If you are not listed first, you very often won't have your case heard. I had to wait nearly a year after my first court date for a listing where our case was first

1. The judge will not order the sale of the family home for such little equity.

1. However you then need to either examine if you can take over the mortgage & buy him out - unless you are very highly paid this is almost impossible. Maintenance won't be considered income, and the 3 DC will count as 'negative' points on the rating by banks.

OR You can agree to a deferred sale when the last DC finishes education (I'd advise against this as you may find yourself homeless in a short few years, given how difficult accommodation is to source / afford in Ireland). OR (usual option) You buy him out based on current equity - that can be negotiated. He will still stay on the deeds, but will be indemnified against any payments for the mortgage or profits when sold. I did this. I had to give him a sizeable amount of money (which I had to borrow) but it was worth it for the security.

The divorce system in Ireland is pretty dreadful. It's very hard to have your voice heard or any nuance understood.

You can get lucky with solicitors & barristers but it's rare.

Making your DC security and yours the priority.

The legal basis is but the way it's done is not.

I've given you some headline points in my next post! I'll come back to this later.

I went through hell to get divorced so happy to share my experience / answer questions.

Equity will be approx £300k

That's pretty huge.

How much is the mortgage now? Can you afford it?

He will be asked to pay maintenance - the maximum is €2000 pcm

If he's paying the mortgage at present, perhaps the amount is similar to what he might pay in maintenance?

The other issue with that equity is that you'll probably have to pay him a sizeable amount of money to effectively 'buy out' his interest. Can you access that? (At least €120k, could be much more).

Do you have a court date OP?

It would be unusual to file the Affidavits (and this is done by the solicitors, not you) until you do. You have to have them dated and with relevant information (salary, earnings, spending etc) for the latest 6 months.

So you don't file them until close to the court date, as otherwise they'll be out of date & you'll need to file them again.

And you also need all the vouching information, which is laborious - statements for all accounts, loans, credit cards, your payslips, pension statements and so on.

If you are saying he has no legal representation, and has not exchanged documentation, it won't get near court, as the clerk will not approve for listing without all that info.

Simply put, he'll eventually need a solicitor.

Final one for now - settlement talks can take place ahead of court, between the legal team, which might give a basis for agreement.
But it can all change on the day anyway and the judge will order talks when you go into court as a first step.

So don't expect to agree anything necessarily before your court date.

You will be waiting up to a year for that.

If you've other questions I'm happy to try answer them.