Settlement in divorce . Will this be enough for the children?

[fortheloveofcase]

Thanks for reading.
I'm heading into settlement talks and
Will meet my solicitor next week. We have three teens and live outside UK so all third level ed, medical, dental, orthodontic fees are payable.
Currently all three kids live with me.
They have no relationship with their dad as they don't want that despite much encouragement from me.
He pays mortgage on the home the children and myself live in.
This, aswell as equiv of £40 per week is maintenance.
I work full time. I was main earner and financed and supported him to climb the ladder for 16 years.
He is now self employed and very successful.
I had two substantial inheritances in the marriage which I put straight into the family.
He had his weekly wage.
I have a share in a family home and a pension. Worth a bit, not a huge amount. Have another fifteen years to retirement.
He has suggested us selling the family home ( that I'm in and he pays mortgage on in lieu of maintenance ) and splitting equity after mortgage sum is subtracted approx £40k. He has offered me
£20k cash to get half of equity.
He has said he will pay maintenance cash then thereafter .
Equity will be approx £300k.
He is hiding money and has refused to acknowledge receiving papers that have been served .
Now on paper this sounds good but truth he is, he cannot be trusted. He is a cheat, a liar and has not paid the big spends ... ed, medical etc despite promising to do so.

He says he will no 'go after' my pension or share of other house if I agree to this.

Two children have SN ALSO, for context and third child is currently in UNI and he has refused point blank to pay anything. This has cost be £ 10k so far this year.
Is this enough to provide half of children's expenses until they are educated in your opinion? Would you accept this .

This is Irish advice

@ChimneyPot

That is a very unusual situation. My ex put me through hell in the 10 years it took to get to court. He was unreliable, paid erratically, never (not once in a decade) contributed to medical or educational costs.

If you are prepared to go into the witness box & give evidence (something most judges strongly discourage unless there is a massive gulf in positions), you can bring up such matters.

Otherwise the judge will look at a) each set of affidavits b) the offers from each side c) housing, maintenance, pensions and educational / medical costs. That's it.

In OP's case, as far as the judge will be concerned, her ex has a history of paying regularly. It doesn't matter if it is the mortgage or maintenance, unless the payment is tiny. It's the same difference.

In terms of a forensic accountant, they exist but you'll pay a lot and for what? If her ex hasn't disclosed financial details, the case won't proceed to court anyway. For very HMWA individuals, perhaps.

My ex left gaping holes in his statements (where he got bonuses) and it wasn't taken into account at all.

Ultimately the maintenance I got was outwardly good (and certainly compared to the UK!) but as he never sees them (again, not taken into account, as he said he wanted to but I prevented it, a Section 32 report found in my favour but proposed counselling for him, he agreed so judge said after counselling, he would then see younger DC every second weekend) and won't pay towards medical etc costs (he is ordered to do so; so far hasn't, yes I can take him back to court eventually but it's more money & stress) it's not as good as it looks.

Unless you've directly experienced an analogous situation in the Irish courts be v careful what you advise. I've lived this for a decade now so I am well-used to it. It's a horror show.

Thanks. I'm looking forward to reading all these replies soon. I am
Out at the moment

Thanks . That's so much information and I'd be lying if I didn't say I was confused but appreciate it.
To clarify, I've submitted all my affidavits, signed the needful for civil bill issue etc. all my paperwork is in.
She sent him the necessary papers threee weeks ago and he's ignored them.
She's sent him another 21 day warning letter on Friday so that she can issue a motion. I'm not even sure what that means tbh. Any idea ? I' d like to know before I meet her .
What does issuing a motion mean? Is that the court date . Or a motion to proceed? She knows i want this over asap as it's been dragging on and now that I have a child at uni that he is refusing to contribute towards, I need action asap .

I will be able to buy him out when the house in which I have a share is sold along with a bit of a loan which I can manage.

I need to remember what he is capable
Of so perhaps going for equity is best ? I do not trust that he will pay a cent in maintenance once the ink is dry on the court order and I certainly will not be paying more money to go back to court over and over to seek what's rightfully, the children's expenses .

He fully expects 50/50. I would have thought that a judge would laugh him out of court for that presumption?
What a system!!!

21 day warning letter on Friday so that she can issue a motion. I'm not even sure what that means tbh.

If he doesn't submit his documents or engage a solicitor to correspond on his behalf, the matter can go before a judge to adjudicate, without him.

Ah that's great , thanks again for your responses . You've been so helpful.

Is that the court date . Or a motion to proceed

It would be your solicitors filing a motion for a court date (you'll be waiting some time, perhaps months) to proceed with the divorce in the absence of his documentation / representation.

This will very much favour your application.

But, it seems really strange he wouldn't engage, if he's paying a significant amount already & has proposed a settlement.

He said he can't afford it but has told me and our children that he is saving mad for a house ...

I will be able to buy him out when the house in which I have a share is sold along with a bit of a loan which I can manage

Just to be clear: you won't be 'buying him out' unless you can get a mortgage in your name for the property. Giving him money doesn't equate to buying him out. He'll still be on the deeds & the bank will not remove him from the mortgage.

However you will agree to indemnify him from any payments & he'll cease any interest in the property, in return for a lump sum.

If you can get a mortgage in your name of course, then that's fine - it will be purely your house, no need for an indemnification.

I always think when pay the mortgage instead of maintenence, aren't they basically paying off their own debt (investing in their own equity) so it's not really maintenence.

I will be able to give him 100k cash . After that it will be a loan I'll have to get .
Thanks

There very little left on the mortgage ..

I do not trust that he will pay a cent in maintenance once the ink is dry on the court order

Why wouldn't he, if he's currently paring the mortgage? How much is that?

My ex didn't pay a cent to the mortgage or maintenance of the property for 10 years - still got €90k towards his interest in it.

If he doesn't pay the maintenance, you can start with a solicitor's letter, then threaten court. The court will take a dim view of non-payment & recoup directly from salary / income (I know he's SE so it may be a bit different).

certainly will not be paying more money to go back to court over and over to seek what's rightfully, the children's expenses .

That's my view too, in part. However it's cost / benefit: if he doesn't pay maintenance, it's worth going back to court. The expenses are a different matter. I was told to let them reach eg €3k & then go back to court

He fully expects 50/50. I would have thought that a judge would laugh him out of court for that presumption?

50/50 for what? The house? That's irrelevant unless you are selling it, which you won't be.

Otherwise you'll make him an offer, based on the current value of the house, to provide for his share in the house.

While this will be large in your case if the equity is really €300k (are you sure?) but worth it as a) you'll have somewhere secure to live (with a deferred order you will have to sell on the agreed date, and you won't get a mortgage so unless you can afford to buy outright ... b) you'll get more equity later on, then you're paying for now c) he won't be able to control you through the property

So he's paying a small amount currently?

Fundamentally I think it's completely wrong that a man who has been a useless, selfish, lying, cheating and aggressive husband and father , who clearly
Led a double life, left his children completely fucked up and us blindsided, gets to call shots and ultimately , f he decides not to heed the court order( which Id put my life on) that IT IS ME at my expense , who has to chase him through the courts . Feck that.

And therefore is it worth selling? You'll get a larger share of the equity eg 60:40 but you could push for higher especially as you have DC with additional needs.

Would the equity plus the amount you can get from the other property + maybe a small mortgage enable you to get another house?

OR

You could look for a mortgage on this house, and pay him agreed equity. Then it'll be yours properly.

(There was too much left on the mortgage in my case for this to be a possibility).

Value of house is £340. Mortgage is approx >35-40k . Payments approx £760 pcm.

How old are the other children? Maintenance is usually paid til they’re 18 or out of full time education.

Anything you’ve paid for the children since the split should be taken into account.

A friend recently divorced and part of her order is that her ex contributes £30,000 owed in university fees that his DS saved and paid for himself - he paid the other DS fees in the years prior.

All in sterling for posters btw

Not really, no.

If he's paying the mortgage and OP isn't, it's saving her money which she uses for DC.

Of course if the mortgage is tiny, then he's still not contributing sufficiently.

I hear you. Felt similarly MANY times.

I had a 10 year battle (and just to say, the divorce was granted last October & there is still so much ongoing, it certainly isn't over) and it nearly killed me.

It is unfair. Usually to the woman. But there's no point in railing about that.

You need to be pragmatic. If he fails to pay, and it's significant, damn right you pursue him.

Well then it's a no-brainer. Get a mortgage for the balance & pay him out for the equity.

At €300k equity you won't be able to get away with €100k, I would say. I'd say at least €150 - €200k

In terms of the mortgage if he's paying that & c€160 pcm more in maintenance, then that sounds about right (without knowing his earnings but you say you're a high earner too?). The max is €2000 but that's considered unattainable.

So you'll be aiming to get the same as now paid as maintenance plus 50% medical & educational.

Was his original proposal that you could have the house & he'd clear the remaining mortgage? If so, that's also a good offer! And would ensure you don't have to chase him for maintenance at all.