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AIBU?

I snapped at my husband, was I unreasonable?

55 replies

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 13:37

For context, me moved to our new house three weeks ago, we live in the suburbs and haven't got to go to the city centre yet, but we did go around plenty of lovely places including a huge shopping centre and a town nearby for dinner yesterday when my family came to visit.

Him: Would you like to go the city centre today?
Me: it's quite late, but we could go to a town nearby if you want. How about next Saturday? Promise.
Him: We can still have a nice time if we leave by 2pm. We didn't get to see the city yet.
Me: I already told you I wanted to chill today. And it's an hour away.
Him: Okay it's fine but I'll go myself with the kid then. I need to get out, I feel a bit down.

That's when I snapped at him and asked what his problem with me was today. He kept saying he felt down today for no particular reason and acting weird and odd.
He told me not to raise his voice at him at that if he had a problem with me he wouldn't have asked for us to go out together.
He's pissed that I snapped and I kind of feel bad.
Was I unreasonable or is he just making this a bigger deal than it is?

OP posts:
sharptoothlemonshark · 11/02/2024 13:38

well, moving house is well known to affect your mood badly for a while, even a good move - I think you should both be kinder to each other

sprigatito · 11/02/2024 13:40

I don't understand why you were angry? Reading it at face value, he accepted that you didn't want to go and said he'd go without you and take your child with him - what was wrong with that? You said you wanted to chill, he said he was feeling a bit down and needed to get out. I'm struggling to see why there was an argument.

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 13:40

sharptoothlemonshark · 11/02/2024 13:38

well, moving house is well known to affect your mood badly for a while, even a good move - I think you should both be kinder to each other

This was a good move. We settled in quickly and got the house sorted quickly too. The last place we lived in was quite terrible but this one was a positive change for us

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 11/02/2024 13:40

I think he’s probably shocked at you kicking off about him wanting to get out the house. My DH cannot stand being stuck in all day. I’d of been glad of the child free time if I was just chilling all day.

purplecorkheart · 11/02/2024 13:40

Sounds like you are both stressed with the move but it does sound like you overreacted snapping at him.

mynameiscalypso · 11/02/2024 13:40

I think one someone tells you that they're feeling down and need to get out the house, it's not the time to snap at them.

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 13:40

sprigatito · 11/02/2024 13:40

I don't understand why you were angry? Reading it at face value, he accepted that you didn't want to go and said he'd go without you and take your child with him - what was wrong with that? You said you wanted to chill, he said he was feeling a bit down and needed to get out. I'm struggling to see why there was an argument.

Because we could just have gone to town together instead

OP posts:
Octonaut4Life · 11/02/2024 13:41

Yes you're being very unreasonable. If he really wants to go out to the city center and you don't, it's not unreasonable for him to say he'll go without you, especially if he's been waiting 3 weeks!

CharmedCult · 11/02/2024 13:41

You wanted to chill, he said he’d take your child out for a few hours as he wanted to go out.

You were totally out of order to snap at him.

GreenCycler · 11/02/2024 13:41

You were unkind to him when he was already feeling bad. What he proposed was not a bad thing, you could have politely declined. I would apologise and try not to do it again.

Maybe try to cheer him up? A little empathy would have gone a long way.

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 13:42

GreenCycler · 11/02/2024 13:41

You were unkind to him when he was already feeling bad. What he proposed was not a bad thing, you could have politely declined. I would apologise and try not to do it again.

Maybe try to cheer him up? A little empathy would have gone a long way.

Okay thank you, I will apologise to him

OP posts:
sprigatito · 11/02/2024 13:42

Was he supposed to just knuckle under to what you wanted, then? You do sound really brittle and unreasonable I'm afraid.

pensione · 11/02/2024 13:42

That's when I snapped at him and asked what his problem with me was today. He kept saying he felt down today for no particular reason and acting weird and odd.

YABU and abusive. If he wants to go out, he can.

Poor bloke.

MonsteraMama · 11/02/2024 13:43

He kept saying he felt down today for no particular reason and acting weird and odd.

Yeah that was your opportunity to check in on him, not snap. If I was feeling down and my husband bit my head off about not wanting to go out I'd not be best pleased either.

Tittyfilarious81 · 11/02/2024 13:43

YABU your DH wanted to go out to the city you didn't so he said he'd go and take your dc with him , really don't see what he did wrong

OtterlyMad · 11/02/2024 13:43

I don’t really understand why you snapped at him. He wanted to go to the city centre, you wanted to chill. Those things don’t conflict with each other - why couldn’t he go to the city while you stay at home? You’re a couple but you’re allowed to do things apart. Sounds like a really pointless argument.

MixingPlaydough · 11/02/2024 13:44

I can only imagine the responses if a man snapped at his wife because she was feeling down and had conceded she would happily go to to the city with their child instead of staying in and chilling again.

You were really unkind to snap at him and completely cruel to just ignore the fact he's admitted to feeling down. You owe the bloke a huge apology and it might do you well to remember even if it's a good move it doesn't make it any less daunting and overwhelming.

KreedKafer · 11/02/2024 13:44

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 13:40

Because we could just have gone to town together instead

YABU. He didn’t fancy going to town. He wanted to get out and explore somewhere different. You just wanted to chill, so it was really arsey of you to snap at him for wanting to go to the city centre without you. You’re not joined at the hip; it’s perfectly for him to go out without you if you didn’t want to go. I feel really sorry for him.

sharptoothlemonshark · 11/02/2024 13:45

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 13:40

This was a good move. We settled in quickly and got the house sorted quickly too. The last place we lived in was quite terrible but this one was a positive change for us

But moving itself is disruptive, emotional and even quite dangerous in terms of physical and mental health! You are also many times more likely to have an accident within a month of moving - I think perhaps you had unrealistic expectations of how easy you would find it to move. I am sure it is going to be lovely, but you have got to expect a few bumpy moments emotionally at this time

Rosesroseseverywhere · 11/02/2024 13:46

@Gentlypattrt

You said
"Because we could just have gone to town together instead"
But your DH had already made it clear he wanted to visit the city not the town.

You were listening to him but not hearing him

Dacadactyl · 11/02/2024 13:47

I think you were out of order and should apologise. However moving house is stressful so you're both bound to be a bit wound up. And I'd say the same if the shoe was on the other foot and he'd snapped at you.

2mummies1baby · 11/02/2024 13:47

It's incredibly rare for someone's account of their own behaviour to make it so clear they were unreasonable, but by god you've done it! Your poor husband.

Christmaslights21 · 11/02/2024 13:48

I can’t see a single thing your poor husband has done wrong. He suggested a nice day out, you instantly shot him down, he offered to take the kid instead and you’ve sulked because he didn’t want to do what you wanted to do.
YABU and you owe him an apology.

0rangeCrush · 11/02/2024 13:51

Rosesroseseverywhere · 11/02/2024 13:46

@Gentlypattrt

You said
"Because we could just have gone to town together instead"
But your DH had already made it clear he wanted to visit the city not the town.

You were listening to him but not hearing him

People often use “town” to mean the city centre.

I live in a town but “town” is the nearest city.

OP doesn’t even live in a town, they live in a city, so I bet town and city centre are one and the same.

BoohooWoohoo · 11/02/2024 13:51

You know that “I feel a bit down” doesn’t mean that you are getting him down right?

His proposal was super reasonable. You’d get to chill without the child and he’d get to go out and explore.

Even if the move was a positive one, it’s easy to feel blah this time of year because of weather, money, work…

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