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AIBU?

I snapped at my husband, was I unreasonable?

55 replies

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 13:37

For context, me moved to our new house three weeks ago, we live in the suburbs and haven't got to go to the city centre yet, but we did go around plenty of lovely places including a huge shopping centre and a town nearby for dinner yesterday when my family came to visit.

Him: Would you like to go the city centre today?
Me: it's quite late, but we could go to a town nearby if you want. How about next Saturday? Promise.
Him: We can still have a nice time if we leave by 2pm. We didn't get to see the city yet.
Me: I already told you I wanted to chill today. And it's an hour away.
Him: Okay it's fine but I'll go myself with the kid then. I need to get out, I feel a bit down.

That's when I snapped at him and asked what his problem with me was today. He kept saying he felt down today for no particular reason and acting weird and odd.
He told me not to raise his voice at him at that if he had a problem with me he wouldn't have asked for us to go out together.
He's pissed that I snapped and I kind of feel bad.
Was I unreasonable or is he just making this a bigger deal than it is?

OP posts:
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MrsSkylerWhite · 11/02/2024 13:52

Yes, you were.

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Cockapoopoopoo · 11/02/2024 13:54

Your husband tells you he's feeling down and your response is to snap at him and make it about yourself. Really poor form Op

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Bearbookagainandagain · 11/02/2024 14:00

YABU big time! This is so controlling, if you don't want to go fine but you don't get to decide what everyone else is doing. And it's only the beginning of afternoon!
Plus if he is normally fine but feeling down today, a little bit of compassion won't kill you.

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Noideawwhatsoccuring · 11/02/2024 14:00

Yabu. He hasn’t done anything wrong.

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Bearbookagainandagain · 11/02/2024 14:02

sharptoothlemonshark · 11/02/2024 13:38

well, moving house is well known to affect your mood badly for a while, even a good move - I think you should both be kinder to each other

What did her husband do or say that was unkind exactly?

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Rosesroseseverywhere · 11/02/2024 14:02

@0rangeCrush

If you read the OP then she mentions town and city as being two different places.
But to be honest your comment reinforces mine - communication is key!

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Teq · 11/02/2024 14:04

YABU

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PoppingTomorrow · 11/02/2024 14:07

@0rangeCrush doesn't matter either way though, OP still snapped at him for wanting to go out whether she was going with him or not.

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BodyKeepingScore · 11/02/2024 14:10

He told you he needed to get out because he was feeling down and you snapped at him rather than being supportive or compassionately enquiring about what could be causing it. He wanted to go to the city, why should he settle for the town just because that's what you want?

You were definitely unreasonable

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LizFromMotherland · 11/02/2024 14:10

I would've gone without you too to be honest.

I was full sure this was a reverse at first.

When I tell my DH I'm feeling a bit down, he actually shows some concern as do I for him.

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semideponent · 11/02/2024 14:16

Be kind to yourself, OP. It's the foundation for being kind to others. Moving is a big deal, even when it's a good move.

It sounds like you will need to do a bit of repair work in the relationship, but that's also an opportunity to really check in with each other after such a big change in your lives.

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WYorkshireRose · 11/02/2024 14:22

People often use “town” to mean the city centre.

I live in a town but “town” is the nearest city.

OP doesn’t even live in a town, they live in a city, so I bet town and city centre are one and the same.


If they were one and the same thing then there wouldn't have been an argument Confused OP is quite clear that she wanted to go to town, her DH wanted to go to the city which is an hour away.

OP - YABVU.

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theGooHasGone · 11/02/2024 14:28

Yes, you were unreasonable.

Almost as unreasonable as the blithering idiot above who didn't even read your post and then said "oh she said town but must have meant city"

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Theatrefan12 · 11/02/2024 14:33

Yeah you were very unreasonable. No need for you to snap when all you had to say ok have a good time will see you when you get back

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GreenCycler · 11/02/2024 14:33

The OP has recognised her mistake and is genuinely sorry and has said she will apologise.

Why is everyone still piling on?

She wouldn’t have posted this if she didn’t care, her post shows she is doing her best to be fair.

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Mouthfulofquiz · 11/02/2024 14:34

Unfortunately I feel you were a bit unreasonable here. Sounds like he just needed to get out of the house and do something fun to shake off the blues. I’m sure it can be fixed with a hug and an appreciation for whatever it is he is going through currently.

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LemonPeonies · 11/02/2024 14:35

No wonder he's feeling down. Apologise to him and imagine if the shoe was on the other foot.

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WibblyWobblyWeeble · 11/02/2024 14:40

I honestly can't see what you're upset about.
He takes your child to the city center, you do whatever you want at home.
Win-win.

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ButWhatAboutTheBees · 11/02/2024 14:44

Please do apologise and make plans quickly to go to the city centre with him so he knows you listened and would like to do things together.

You were hugely unreasonable

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Josette77 · 11/02/2024 14:45

At least you didn't snap and fart. That would have been even worse. 😉

Your DH is feeling down and decided to try and cheer himself up. He's allowed to look after his own mental health.

You made his feelings about you.

Definitely apologize and have a good chat. Ask him about how he is feeling.

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Newchapterbeckons · 11/02/2024 15:31

Yes it’s you, that’s okay it can be fixed

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WYorkshireRose · 11/02/2024 15:41

GreenCycler · 11/02/2024 14:33

The OP has recognised her mistake and is genuinely sorry and has said she will apologise.

Why is everyone still piling on?

She wouldn’t have posted this if she didn’t care, her post shows she is doing her best to be fair.

How do you know she's genuinely sorry?

The OP posted her question on a public forum asking for opinions. You don't get to police how or when other people choose to respond.

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Bubble2024 · 11/02/2024 15:48

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 13:40

Because we could just have gone to town together instead

You didn’t suggest that though. You said you wanted to to stay at home and chill. He did not. Why do you get to decide?

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Boomer55 · 11/02/2024 15:50

I can’t see he did much wrong. He went out and took your child with him.

Not sure what your problem is.🤔

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LoveAHamSandwhich · 11/02/2024 15:53

So your DH shares that he's feeling down, twice, and you decide that it's all about you?!

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