to say we should have a family secret Santa next Christmas instead of traditional gift giving?

[wrotemyowndeliverance]

I know, I know, discussing Christmas in February, but some of my family are very keen, so really need to have this settled before summer. I’m one of three adult children, all of us married and my brother has a toddler. Every year Christmas presents get harder to think of both in terms of what I want, and what to get for other people. So many of the good gift ideas have already been used. I think having a Secret Santa between the adults would be a really great solution (and us all buying separately for my nephew), but not sure how breaking decades of tradition will go down. Money isn’t an issue, so absolutely no hard feelings from childless Aunties and Uncles (of which I am one) buying for our DN in addition. How would you feel if someone suggested this for your family?

Poll options:
YANBU: Suggest Secret Santa
YABU: Keep traditional gift exchange

I’d be very, very happy. For too much money and time spent on, frequently unwanted, land fill.

We do an adults secret Santa and just buy for the kids. It works really well.

For grown ups on my side of the family, I do a donation for refuge at Christmas.

I'm not "holier than thou" but I really don't want tat or smelliest or random shit, so I say, instead of you buying for me, I'll spend on the charity, and the money you would have spent on me, you spend on yourself. They then do a charity as well normally

Gifts are well received and thoughtful. If I was getting the same Boots 3 for 2 gift set every year, I'd find it easy to suggest knocking gift giving on the head altogether. If I was happy buying rubbish then running out of ideas wouldn’t be a problem. That's why I find Christmas harder each year, and also why I worry about how a Secret Santa will be received.

We've done this for the past few years, all adult use Elfster and have a £30 limit. We love it as there's a list and everyone gets something they want plus a hell of a lot cheaper tan spending a tenner a piece for 14 on shite

Just suggest it - float the idea out there

Do it. We moved over about 10 years ago. Saved around £200 a year (so £2000!), stopped the brain ache of buying so many presents, much less waste and being given stuff for the sake of it. Get one decent present I actually want.

Less stress, less waste, more time for fun rather than opening endless presents!

A few years ago I suggested that DH’s family had a meal together before Xmas, instead of not seeing each other and just sending presents. MIL thought it was a great idea, but it never happened

We actually had this discussion as a family last year and agreed that Secret Santa was the way to go. Instead of spending £30-£50 on each person, we now spend £100 on one couple (we chose to give and receive as couples instead of individuals as that way it’s easier to buy things like spa days, theatre tickets, meals out etc. for 2). Saved us all a fortune and the run up to Christmas is so much less stressful now!

Similar for me, I actually suggested it as a throw-away comment after Christmas, mentioning it could be good for next year (I had a hard time even thinking of ideas for myself this time!!!), and some family responded positively, but my mum especially seemed like she wasn’t keen. I’m not sure if to push it again and put feelers out or not.

I don’t see why just suggesting it would be an issue. If people aren’t keen they can just say no.

We did it Christmas just gone after years of debating whether to or not, best decision all round! We generated names through a secret santa website for the adults then stuck to buying the little ones a prezzie each. We've decided going forward this will be our new tradition x

We did this for a while - the main issue was that there was a bit of a divide between some family members who shared wishlists and wanted everyone to do the same and family members who wanted a surprise.

We were in the latter camp - I think wishlists take all the fun out of it - but I think the main thing is everyone being on the same page

100%

Suggesting it early on too so people can start considering it. I think it's a great idea.

It's still thoughtful present giving but so much money saved for everyone.

I suggested this to my husband but he said no as MIL likes to see everyone open presents. so we all have to pretend we wanted a massive load of tat. how i would love a Boots box of toiletries each year - at least you can use them. Even the second hand shop are sniffy sometimes.

suggest and see what everyone says.

I take pleasure buying my siblings presents that I know they will appreciate. I enjoy it, I don't regard it as a chore. It's only once a year.

I wouldn't join in with Secret Santa because it seems so dismissive and uninterested. And would deny me a lot of enjoyment.

But families are different. You do you.

We do a third option.

Each of us buys for one other adult. The draw is normally Autumn, the budget is £50 to £100. It's not secret which means you can call your "Santa" and tell them what you'd really like. We'd all much rather a single decent present than six or seven cheapies.

Our family hasn't done presents for many years by mutual agreement. (vouchers for the younger ones only).

So liberating. And then we pack ourselves off to Estepona in Southern Spain for three weeks - ten days before and ten days after Christmas. Never doing Christmas at home again. I know I'm fortunate, but we don't have kids though.

We do this. I'm one of four and we all have partners. We do secret Santa amongst the 'grown up' kids and concentrate on presents for the proper kids.

Just suggest it

When I did about 8 years ago everyone jumped at it. Also from a family of thoughtful gifts, but many of us (and many children).

We have a budget of £50,although I slightly overspent last year.

I love my secret santa presents and it gives me joy to use them. Makes christmas presents feel more special somehow!

Siblings and I have done secret Santa for years now.
5 of us, we do wish lists, the draw happens through a website in mid-November so plenty of time to order things.

It works much better, we all get something that we want and can use. And there's lots of secret Santa chat in the run up to Christmas which is fun.

I suggested exactly the same as you - also in same position only childless one but happy to buy for nephew/niece as well as whoever I get for secret santa, but was shot down in flames because my siblings (all adults with children of their ow btw!) like having lots of presents to open.

Pisses me off a bit, I buy for mum, dad, siblings x 3, 2 of their partners and 4 children so 11 in total (which is expensive on a single income) but only get 4 presents back. I'd be more than happy to get no presents at all and skip the stress of finding something they will like for 11 people, so thought each adult getting 1 nice present each and no change for the kids was a good compromise but no apparently it's 'scroogy!'

We have done this for the past few years and it's brilliant - much easier and preferred by all

Kids are bought for until they are 18, then they join in the adult secret Santa

People decide each year whether they want to opt in and we use Draw Names
You can ban certain people who you would buy for, so for example DH & I are both in it, but we wouldn't get each other in the draw

which reminds me does anyone remember the thread on here Christmas just gone - the family had a weird version of SS whereby 1 member bought ALL the presents for the family each year? So e.g. 2019 dad bought multiple expensive presents for the mum, 3 adult DC, etc and nobody else bought anything at all.

Then 2020 the mum bought everything, then 2021 one of the DC etc. Except last year the sibling whose turn it was to buy said they didn't want to do it, (despite having happily received the last 5 years!). It was an excellent example of the 'people on MN will argue the opposite point even if it's completely unjustifiable to any normal person just to be contrary' thread!

We have done adult Secret Santa in the past, but presents for all of the children from everyone.
It worked very well! The budget for each adult gift was £100, so you could be sure of receiving a really good gift. However it's still much less than we would have spent, if buying for every adult in the family. Plus, it cut down a lot of guesswork and hassle.
Go for it I say!