to say we should have a family secret Santa next Christmas instead of traditional gift giving?

[wrotemyowndeliverance]

I know, I know, discussing Christmas in February, but some of my family are very keen, so really need to have this settled before summer. I’m one of three adult children, all of us married and my brother has a toddler. Every year Christmas presents get harder to think of both in terms of what I want, and what to get for other people. So many of the good gift ideas have already been used. I think having a Secret Santa between the adults would be a really great solution (and us all buying separately for my nephew), but not sure how breaking decades of tradition will go down. Money isn’t an issue, so absolutely no hard feelings from childless Aunties and Uncles (of which I am one) buying for our DN in addition. How would you feel if someone suggested this for your family?

Poll options:
YANBU: Suggest Secret Santa
YABU: Keep traditional gift exchange

We did this for adults this year and it worked brilliantly. We all got a very thoughtful gift (we said max £50) and it was a lot less stressful. We said that couples could buy each other pressies but they were not to be given as part of the main event. All worked a treat

My family donate hay to sanctuaries & cash to other charities. No children yet as that would be different. Don't desire anything that we can't get ourselves.

We do this with the wider family (the adults) as well all meet up on Boxing Day. £20 limit. Men buy for men, women buy for women. All parcels are dished out randomly, you don't buy for a specific person. If you aren't there that day, you don't get in on it.

Bottles of nice booze, chocolates etc are commonplace.

Kids under 16 still get gifts.

No presents for adults and a donation to charity might be another option.

We played the present game this year.
Each person bought 5 gifts, 1 pack of playing cards was split equally between each family member.
Cards were then drawn from a second pack, when your card is drawn you can take a present from the parcel pile, once the parcel pile is gone you can 'steal' a present from someone else.
Go through the pack two or three times.
This caused much hilarity and everyone enjoyed their presents, some swapped. Presents ranged from packs of novelty stationery, nice food treats, random but useful items, we set the limit at 5 presents for £15 max per person, so they were only little things but turned into one of the best parts of the day.

We had done normal presents as well but it tends to end up as the 'great Amazon gift card' swap which I find pretty pointless and think we may just do the present game with higher value or more gifts next year

We do this and it is brilliant, no more traipsing around trying to find something for BIL! £50 per person so you only get one gift but its a good one. No cash or vouchers, but you can pass on hints/suggestions for what you want. You don't buy for a partner. And we still buy loads of stuff for the kids.

Can you suggest it by selling the time and cost saving elements, but you will still all get together to exchange the gifts so still have all the fun?

We've done this for a couple of years but it's not popular with everyone.

1. Adults who are good at choosing, sourcing and wrapping and put the effort in, are not always happy when their secret santa doesn't make the same effort.

1. For single adults it may be their only present, so it needs to be something they're OK with. Or trouble. Peacemaker = mum.

1. The (adult!) family members who are unable to 'santa' due to lack of funds, imagination, 'energy', or are unable to shop independently, have to be helped in order not to let down their recipient. Generally = mum.

1. When recipients end up with tat someone often has to step in to keep the peace. Often = mum. Often need 'contingency' presents. (Mum).

1. Mum is surprisingly still expected to also gift to adult kids, do stockings etc. Because tradition. It's what mum's do.

1. Families not always able to be together on Christmas Day. SS does not work if not together, IMHO. Tendency is to buy another present (!) for boxing day/when do get together. Mum.

Actually, it's probably mum who is not keen on secret santa.

All adults in our family & we have done secret santa for the last few years & it's worked really well.

Secret Santa is better than everyone buying for everyone else but moving to no presents for adults is better still.

Takes all the stress away. Children get to have presents and adults enjoy all the other aspects of Christmas.

One of 5 adult Siblings. A few yrs ago eldest sibling approached us all via text asking hiw we felt about not buying ANY presents for Siblings (not even secret santa) just their kids (or not at all if no kids) .EVERYONE was immediately on board cos its so much easier and it was really a token gift anyway.
It's been great. Love that mental effort has gone.

This was suggested for us and I said no. Reason being all of us siblings have partners who don't actually buy a.gift for the siblings/other partners. I didn't think it would be fair for, say, my DP to be asked to buy for one of them when he never would have, it would have been the siblings who made all the suggestions/did all the work. We ended up just deciding on only buying for the kids. Two of us have children but we checked with those who didn't if they were ok with that.

We started this a few years ago, with my husband's family. We have a £50 limit so you can get some nice bits but it definitely makes Christmas shopping less stressful!

For the families who say no presents for adults - does that mean couples don’t buy for each other either?

Because if not, then in practice it’s just the single adults who don’t get anything.

Start buying joint presents for couples, spending the amount that you’d normally spend on one present. It’s cheaper and if they’re giving you a joint present in return they can’t object without looking very unreasonable.

I went one further. I have three siblings and DH has four. All have spouses/partners, and there are numerous nieces and nephews. It was just too much. I suggested that we stop buying for anyone over the age of 18, unless they are your parent or child. They all jumped at the suggestion, so now Christmas is so much more enjoyable.

We did it this Christmas for the first time and it was great. We bought for the kids as we usually would, but each adult had one really nice thoughtful present. It was perfect.

I think it's great idea.

Another suggestion would be to instead have a day out together on another date if you're not able to get together often. I'd much prefer that.

We do it £60 limit so you get something decent.

We're all in a position where we buy what we, within reason, no one wants a load of tat.

We’ve been doing it for years, but we turn it into a game not a real gift giving situation. This wouldn’t work unless you’re all together.

There’s a price limit (not too high) and all gifts are wrapped and unmarked in a pile in the floor. Everyone takes a number and #1 goes first. They can take any gift but no touching or shaking before they choose. Then they unwrap.

#2 can “steal” the gift from #1 or go to the pile etc. If a gift gets stolen 3 times it’s “safe” and can’t be stolen again.

This turns into hilarity for us and there’s wheeling and dealing.

It’s not for everyone though! And it’s for adults only. We had a lot of kids, so they did a traditional secret Santa when they were small and now they’re in the big group.

seen a few people recommend this. But does it not mean you have to buy the most bland generic gifts ever so as to please whoever may end up with it?

Thanks for all the differing views on it. I’ll float the idea. I’m most concerned with my mum, because it’s a change to how Christmas works but it seems from here like the idea is broadly popular.

@SummaLuvin we end up with all sorts in our pile, including things that are a “gag” but really funny. We have scratch off lottery tickets, alcohol, fuzzy blankets, Starbucks gift cards, fancy insulated water bottles or coffee mugs, cute Christmas decor items etc so there can be some nice things that are quite generic but useful. The key is that the price limit is relatively low and that people don’t get their knickers in a twist if they don’t like what they end up with.

We do secret santa between the adults, we all buy for my mum and the kids. We also set a price limit. It works really well.

Yanbu. We started doing this quite a few years ago and as the young ones get to 18 they join in too if they want to. It's not obligatory and we can partake one year and not the next, but it has saved so much money, time and wasting resources buying something someone doesn't really want.

So do the childless couples who buy a gift for the toddler get something additional to the Secret Santa present? Because they should do.