Let's boycott flowers this Valentine's day

[sharptoothlemonshark]

Why are we still indulging in this outdated misogynistic behaviour of men giving women flowers and women accepting them?

The industry is rotten to the core, with women in Africa getting their lungs burnt out by pesticides so women in Western Europe can look at something useless but "pretty" ( - if you consider the forced, unnaturally bred genetically mutated exaggerations "pretty").

The environmental damage done by transporting them from country to country is immeasurable, never mind the sacrifice of land that could be used to grow food and lower food prices.

And how is it people who object to pesticides being used to grow food are ok with soil being smothered in the stuff to grow flowers? It all enters the same water course.

And what a waste of money it is! Surely your partners could use the money or something more personal and thoughtful?

YABU - I like receiving forced, genetically mutilated, unnatural instruments of environmental damage and disabling of women.

YANBU - lets inform our partners these are not acceptable Valentine's day gifts.

Ranting and hyperbole is rarely persuasive and tends to be alienating.

I like houseplants and flowers in my garden anyway.

All of this.

OP's hectoring tone just makes me want to go and buy more flowers!

The idea that men can by favour with women with a totally thoughtless, meaningless temporary gift that will please a woman because it is "pretty" - most women actually have a bit more depth than that

Anyone buying me flowers has successfully bought my favour. Doesn't have to be male 🤣. Currently have a big vase of flowers from Freddie's flowers, several vases and jugs of £1 a bunch daffodils from the supermarket and a nice bunch from an online florist that I bought myself after a shit week at work.
I'll stay shallow thanks as they all cheer me up.

Ethical Consumer magazine is great for helping with decision making. A colleague and me share a subscription. Triodos bank also do stuff around micro loans if anyone is interested in helping women in poorer countries to set up and sustain their own business.

A lot of bulb flowers are grown in Holland so that also may be a way forward for flower buyers male or female!

I love buying flowers for men and women, but I am aware that there are good and less good choices (same as flying beans from Morocco and Africa in winter).

No-one can get things right all the time, but it is good to be aware of the implications of our decisions.

I love Valentine's and often make cards for friends both male and female. To me it isn't all the cutesy red satin hearts of romance, its about love that has proved strong and supportive over many years of knowing each other.

That's just my take on it (I notice Galentine's has become more of a thing too).

Happy Valentine's however you're doing it.

It doesn't really matter though, because for every aggressive poster, there are likely to be 30-50 posters that read and take in what you say, even if they don't respond

Did you just pluck that 'likely' figure straight out of thin air?

I promise I don't work for them, but a promise of a trip to David Austen Roses for those withing distance might make a lovely gift (go in June and stroll the rose gardens sniffing to you heart's content).

My idea of paradise. Hope to go on pilgrimage there one day with mum, who loves old roses.

https://www.davidaustinroses.co.uk/

its a guess, based on what I know and experience. The usual figure is about 100 readers to every post, although I guess on Mumsnet it is likely to be less than half of that, as it is so easy to post

Christ, are you like this in everyday life too?

I do love flowers, I used to like receiving them but now prefer a plant that I can grow. I don't entirely disagree with you but I guess you are one end of the scale and put your point of view across quite aggressively which doesn't tend to change minds.

I grow a lot from seed, lots of flowers both bee friendly but also some for pure aesthetics. I grow some veg as well. I don't use chemicals and I propagate roses very successfully without the need for them and not the five petalled ones but all sorts. To what end? For my own enjoyment and mental health and others when I make bouquets for them.

I'm also quite sure if you got rid of the whole flower industry there would also be lots of suffering in relation to loss of income etc. I think perhaps the world just needs to start learning more about use of pesticides and fair wages for fair work, rather than bringing everything to an abrupt end.

I guess a ticket to the Chelsea Flower Show, wouldn't go down well as a substitute present.

I just steal them off graves.

Oh god, I opened this thread not expecting it to be so deep!

I secretly dislike being bought flowers, I'm rubbish at arranging them and I don't really pay them much attention until I notice they have died. I have a needy young baby and I see flowers as just another chore but given from a place of love, my DM especially likes to buy them 'just because' sometimes.

A boycott sounds like the perfect excuse without hurting anyone's feelings. I honestly had no idea how nasty the industry is.

I think you are undercutting your argument by claiming that there is something intrinsically pointless about cut flowers.

Meh. I still love my flowers and bouquets.

Alltheyearround · Today 12:59

Fair Trade flowers are available - M and S do them. Mot sure about the chems though, you'd think not with fair trade?”

Most are still flown for thousands of miles, though. Not sustainable if targets have any hope of being met. Are laws against pesticide use as stringent in countries like Kenya where most roses come from as they are in the UK?

I absolutely hate roses so DH would never buy them for me. He does buy me other flowers throughout the year though. Not usually for Valentines as he has more imagination than that.

In the past for Valentines I had had books, cd's dvd's. perfume, jewellery, handbag etc

Do you eat apples?

Successful boycotts not only involve extended periods of time not buying something, but also organise and promote positive alternatives. This does none of that.

There are things I don't buy on personal moral reasons. First thing that comes to mind is cashews - after seeing the burns those things cause, I find it concerning how much they're promoted as a health food. While open to discussing it, I'm not one for calling a boycott because organising and promoting an alternative with all the complexities of the systems involved is beyond me at this time.

I'm not a fan of cut flowers so even if interest, my taking part would be meaningless. My husband did used to get me colourful wooden ones that look like tulips. I thought they were very pretty and a nice alternative, but the local shops who did that aren't around anymore. This year we've got those marshmallow heart toppers for hot chocolate that I'm looking forward to, he makes a lovely hot chocolate. Also got my kids Loveheart dip sweets cause they look like fun.

Calling women shallow and men misogynistic for buying flowers isn't how you win friends and influence people, OP

I love fresh flowers. Any person of any age or sex bringing me a bunch of daffs is going to "win my favour" because I love daffodils and I appreciate the thoughtfulness. My favour may be expressed by "oh thank you, that's lovely" not winning my undying devotion. Your hyperbole is just daft.

There are very many ways of buying ethical and locally grown flowers. There are also many ways of growing them.

As long as you have a decent range of plants for pollinators nin your garden, having a few David Austin roses or snazzy dahlias isn't going to cause environmental collapse.

Plenty of ethical, fair trade or British-grown flowers available. Problem solved.

problem is, a lot of the industry owners will tout their flowers as”ethical” in that they employ local workers, who they say earn money to put into the local community.
Some will put up a shack and call it a local school they’ve graciously provided.

The reality is not like this. It’s back breaking, dirty work, surrounded by chemicals. The women often work with a baby strapped to their back so he/she is breathing in the chemicals too. No sick pay, no compensation for injury. Low wages which buy the bare minimum of food.
I’ve been there, I’ve seen it.
If you have to buy cut flowers please buy British, European at a pinch or grow your own.

I buy my own flowers, usually seasonal British ones...

I agree that flying flowers in internationally is environmentally damaging for little benefit.

But I don't see any misogyny in flower-giving. My husband doesn't give a hoot about flowers, but I like them so he'll buy them for me occasionally. He is wonderful year-round, so not the type to make up for poor behaviour with a hastily chosen bouquet.

I think OP would've come across a lot more convincing if she just stuck to the environmental and health concerns.

😂I'm imagining a poor unsuspecting bloke giving op a bunch of flowers and getting a lecture on misogyny and the environment.

Op, you really do catch more flies with honey. That said, this thread made me go and do a bit of googling and it's not something I've previously ever known about, so I'm glad that I've learnt something new.

https://lilysflorist.com/blog/criminal-petals-the-dark-side-of-the-flower-trade/

You make some good points OP but your communication style is unlikely to win over many people. If you approach people with anger and judgement you’re likely to get defensive responses.

I love receiving and giving flowers, yes they are nothing but beautiful and transient, therein lies the joy. But I also agree with you about unethical industrial flower farming methods and imports from overseas. I think that should be the focus of your message.

I am a woman and I like flowers and pretty things. I won't be shamed about that.

Also I hope my husband buys me a shit tone of genetically modified flowers, grown all over the world! Transported in the biggest trucks imaginable, right to my door! I hope he wastes all his money on filling my house with roses on Valentine's Day! He won't, because we have cats that destroy everything nice we own. But hey I'm a stupid shallow woman and only dream about pretty things. There are plenty of ugly things in this world, your misogynistic attitude towards other women for one.