Page 11 | How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

TerrysNeapolitan · 10/02/2024 22:45

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Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/02/2024 22:45

Op have you applied for universal credit? I'd be really surprised if you didn't get some help, at least with the childcare bill.

Don't rely on benefit calculators or advisors, apply and see what they say (unless you have loads in savings?)

HistoryBufff3 · 10/02/2024 22:47

Oink38 · 10/02/2024 21:20

Hi all

thanks so much to the people who have helped me realise I can get some extra childcare costs. It’s really helpful and I’m going to look at this Monday.

I did start this post just to rant and I was prepared for negativity but to be told I shouldn’t have had a child is upsetting.

in response to holidays a mixture of Covid, parents passing away and sorting that out and various other things has meant no holiday. Maybe I do need a break.

so lessons I’ve taken away

there are some bloody lovely people on here who are in the same position as we are or worse so it’s nice in a way to know we are not alone

there are also some people who think the poorer of society should not have children and should not do jobs that don’t pay a fortune. I wonder what would happen if people stopped having children and everyone got jobs paying 100k plus!

thanks again to the nice people

to the people who think the poorer shouldn’t have children enjoy your rose coloured view on the world

Lesson #3 for you

Don't sneer at people on benefits.

RadiatorHead · 10/02/2024 22:49

The only reason I’ve put YABU is because there’s always a way to improve your earning potential. I’ve just accepted a job earning £43k and DH has just got a new one earning £55k. We’re just average public sector workers (both Project Managers) I temped in a charity for 4 months on NMW after being made redundant and whilst it’s far more my bag, I’d never stay there long term. Even the team leader was only on £28k and there were no PM roles 🤷‍♀️

Work smarter, not harder. Eg sell your time for more money.

BotDranning · 10/02/2024 22:50

Oink38 · 10/02/2024 17:51

Thanks for all the comments. I really don’t want to change my job. I’ve worked there 20yrs and worked my way up to a senior position. My job is flexible I can wfh and they’ve been great when I’ve had some personal issues it’s just charity work doesn’t pay. There isn’t an alternative in the private sector. I’ve been looking

Do basically it's choice. But you blame everyone else for not earning. There are other options. May not be your first choice but don't moan about not earning enough if your not willing to find a job that pays more. Its simple maths.

Blah12345678999 · 10/02/2024 22:56

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/02/2024 17:57

If you work from home why do you need childcare?

🤦‍♀️

easylikeasundaymorn · 10/02/2024 22:56

Blackkittypoo · 10/02/2024 20:49

No it isn't.

It never ceases to amaze me how couples start a family without a clue what it will cost and no savings behind them.
Then they moan about their situation.
Then they come on forums asking for help with budgeting. It's ridiculous.

Would couples buy a new kitchen or any major purchase without factoring in the repayments?

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But OP's family already brings in significantly over the pre-tex/benefits household income of £35k, by nearly half again. They are in the top 30%-40% of households. If they are struggling to afford kids who can afford them?

Living in a country where only the top earning 20% can have kids sounds like some sort of dystopia and would completely fuck up our whole way of life within a generation with nobody working or paying taxes to support everyone currently alive

Regardless of if you think she and her DH personally shouldn't have had their child (which OP has explained if you'd bothered to read) if they couldn't afford it, do you really think it's right that having children should be unaffordable to the (above) average couple?

Blah12345678999 · 10/02/2024 22:57

Oink38 · 10/02/2024 18:00

Thank you for doing that it’s very kind.

we have one child I work 25hrs and hubby 35. But I have done lots of calculators and spoken to a few helplines and we aren’t entitled just borderline!

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I’m not entirely sure how or if it works but could you put some of your salaries into a pension, that puts your combined salary at a point where you can be entitled to the childcare?

Chouquettes · 10/02/2024 22:58

Oink38 · 10/02/2024 17:21

Having a bad day of mass anxiety.

so, hubby and I earn ok wages. Not huge but we both work for charities so probably earn between 50k between us

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week. We have no family or friends support. Now that the new funding has come in people who aren’t entitled due to being 3 shortly and not getting that funding until September will have to no doubt have their nursery fees raised again.

no pay rises in sight. Meant to be putting into work pension and also saving but honestly where the hell are we supposed to find the money

desperate to move but can’t cos nursery fees are too high.

fed up with this government. Not entitled to any benefits barely surviving month to month. Haven’t had a holiday in 9 years. Drive old car. No fun days out. Barely have anything left to do anything with. Utterly fed up of working for basically shit.

no can’t get other jobs I am specialised in what I do and hubby earns well for the field he is in.

and no we don’t buy take away coffees or avocados

just a massive rant really. Suppose aibu in thinking how the hell people are supposed to survive when everything is going up and no positivity anywhere

You are not being unreasonable at all. It wont last forever though. The present and past governments have a lot to answer for but hopefully we’ll see the back of them soon.

RogueFemale · 10/02/2024 23:00

Have you considered emigrating?

Chouquettes · 10/02/2024 23:03

rickyrickygrimes · 10/02/2024 17:33

This.

I’m in France and state crèches for working parents are very affordable. There is an army of nounous / assistante maternelles to provide different childcare options, all subsidised. ‘School’ / state Nursery starts at 2/3yrs, completely state provided 0800-16h30 4 days a week, plus morning and evening plus lunchtime if needed at a very low extra cost.

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Yes France is great for the safety net it has not just in childcare but in so many different aspects of life. There’s no reason it couldn’t be like that in the UK . It makes me mad.

Blah12345678999 · 10/02/2024 23:04

katepilar · 10/02/2024 20:25

I never understood why people have to pay for nursery schools in the UK. I had always thought that UK is a wealthy western country. Growing up we were looking up to western Europe from behind the Iron courtain and most people in my home country still think everythink is better in the West.

Yet we have maternity leave that lasts for 3 years /paid by the social security government fund, its little but it exists/, we have medical care available to everyone for "free", often available on the same day /everyone pays medical insurance that goes out straight out of their wages, children, students, pensioners and job seekers get it paid by the government/, every school has a canteen with cooked lunch /paid for by the parents but subsideed I think/ and and a gym and lockers.

I just dont get it.

I Must say one thing I found so strange when entering the world of work/adult world was how people seem so resistant and kind of ‘appalled’ by social investment, I think people automatically assume we’re going to become communist or something and that ‘lazy’ people will take our money etc but we seem ok with the elites doing this… I’m not saying it is the case but it is certainly an impression I am left with a lot of the time, I remember trying to explain to people about how bad the education system was and they seemed to think I was mad but then years later they started complaining about all the things I’d been telling them years before, it’s really baffling! I don’t know if people just have such faith, confidence and trust in those at the upper echelons of society 🤷🏻‍♀️

Blackkittypoo · 10/02/2024 23:05

@easylikeasundaymorn - (which OP has explained if you'd bothered to read)

I don't respond to sarcasm.

Ducky48 · 10/02/2024 23:07

Oink38 · 10/02/2024 17:25

Nope not entitled. Have checked! Just so sole destroying !

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Don’t let it affect your feet

Blah12345678999 · 10/02/2024 23:12

TwelveKeys · 10/02/2024 21:29

Ah yes, you should never have a child unless you can guarantee your health, your partner's health, your child's health, your mortgage rates, your landlord, your job, your industry, your benefits, your wages, the inflation rate, the availability of childcare, and the state of global peace will not change within the next 30 years.

Sort that out first, then think about kids.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Exactly!

porridgeisbae · 10/02/2024 23:20

Blackkittypoo · 10/02/2024 23:05

@easylikeasundaymorn - (which OP has explained if you'd bothered to read)

I don't respond to sarcasm.

U just responded.

Theunamedcat · 10/02/2024 23:26

Have you looked into a nanny share or a childminder instead of a nursery?

user1477391263 · 10/02/2024 23:28

The UK has very high childcare fees in large part because the ratios required are unusually high by global standards. Trade offs, innit?

How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

Verbena17 · 10/02/2024 23:40

Hi @Oink38 could you have an Au Pair or daytime nanny instead?

Would it work out cheaper?

albaalba351 · 10/02/2024 23:43

I really hope that anyone who has the audacity to state that this poster can't afford children isn't on state funded benefits (including tax credits). I am sick of hard working people being lambasted by those on lower incomes who get everything such as childcare for free.

milveycrohn · 10/02/2024 23:49

@user1477391263
"The UK has very high childcare fees in large part because the ratios required are unusually high by global standards."
Yes, that's what I thought.
And also not only the ratios. I think the qualifications are higher as well.
The Gov tried to change this a few years ago, to bring it more in line with other countries, and presumably make childcare fees more affordable. However, there was such an outcry that I think the plan was abandoned.

Blah12345678999 · 10/02/2024 23:51

milveycrohn · 10/02/2024 23:49

@user1477391263
"The UK has very high childcare fees in large part because the ratios required are unusually high by global standards."
Yes, that's what I thought.
And also not only the ratios. I think the qualifications are higher as well.
The Gov tried to change this a few years ago, to bring it more in line with other countries, and presumably make childcare fees more affordable. However, there was such an outcry that I think the plan was abandoned.

An outcry by who… I fear the media, political figures and the electorate… It’s so utterly bizarre!

Spopssas · 10/02/2024 23:51

I work for a charity and have learned to accept that I am just not a worthwhile person. People like me have little worth. Lots of wealthy people shop in my charity shop and the dealers come round etc. They are much more successful and wily than me. I am just a stupid person and all the poorer for it.

Chouquettes · 10/02/2024 23:55

milveycrohn · 10/02/2024 23:49

@user1477391263
"The UK has very high childcare fees in large part because the ratios required are unusually high by global standards."
Yes, that's what I thought.
And also not only the ratios. I think the qualifications are higher as well.
The Gov tried to change this a few years ago, to bring it more in line with other countries, and presumably make childcare fees more affordable. However, there was such an outcry that I think the plan was abandoned.

You have to be qualified to work in a nursery in France ( dont know about other countries)

eilaka · 10/02/2024 23:59

Are you certain neither of you can get different jobs? the charity sector understandably pays very badly. A friend of mine couldn’t afford to take the charity job offered to her - it was 50% of the average pay for her qualification/experience level.

can you ask for a pay rise if you are certain you can’t move?

or change career - as this is going to be a long term problem

or radically, consider emigrating whilst your child is still very little and won’t know any different.