Criticised for telling a guy I found him attractive

[Gobacktopartycity1]

According to friends I should never have done this. After knowing a guy for around 2 months, getting on really well and so on I told him that I felt attracted to him and was unsure if was anything further. It wasn't for whatever reason, but at least I knew where I stood.
2 friends are now saying I scared him off, that I should have let it develop naturally. I actually feel really stupid now, they're saying I put him off.
As I say we've been talking and hanging out for a couple of months. It's pretty much put me off with other men now in the future.

You did nothing wrong imo.

After 2 months he'd know if he was into you enough to want to "let things develop naturally" or not.

Think you were wise to tell him, cos at least you know where you stand.

Your friends are talking rubbish. If he's not attracted to you, he's not - that isn't going to magically change. Well done for not wasting time on this.

Any chance that your friends find him attractive too? Their advice sounds like they don’t want you to date him.
It’s nice to be chased but men like being chased too. I don’t think that you’ve done anything wrong

Thank you for making me feel better because I feel like a massive idiot.

A good friend would say well done for having the guts to say something & putting yourself out there, you are not being unreasonable. Life is very short.
I'm sure he was flattered :)

They're saying I've freaked him out and it hurts. It's not like I'd just met him yesterday or didn't know him at all.

I'm actually pretty scared to put myself out there with a man in the future.

Are you still in touch with this guy?

Did he say, "you've freaked me out, FAREWELL FOREVER"?

Struggling to see where your friends are coming from on the basis of what you've said.

I cant imagine anyone being freaked out over this. It's not like you confessed undying love , you merely said you found him attractive.
How has he been since ?

Lots of men do like to make advances themselves(even if strongly encouraged by signals from the woman, it is usually us who give the go ahead unless men can’t read signs! ).
However he is probably the wrong person for you so at least you didn’t waste your time. There will also be men that appreciate the straightforward approach.

I'd like us to be friends in the future but I just want to take a bit of distance so I can move on.
I think it just comes from very old fashioned views that men have to do absolutely everything and women should basically not show any interest, ever.

I haven't spoken to him since, I feel too embarrassed tbh.

I feel so stupid. However if he actually liked me, would he really have been put off by me finding him attractive? Surely he'd be encouraged? I just don't understand

How old are your friends and how much experience do they have with this sort of thing?

You're only feeling afraid of doing the same again in the future because of your friend's idiot comments. The actual event itself, while disappointing, has hardly caused any trauma.

But what did HE say when you told him this?

Poor bastard might have been chomping at the bit and now thinks you've gone cold on him.

I think you need to start listening to your own inner voice a bit more than these "friends". Your inner voice obviously told him to let him know you were holding a bit of a 🕎 for him. What's wrong with that? If no-body ever did this, the human race would have died out with Adam and Eve.

They're like late 20s/early 30s. They were also absolutely horrified that I'd previously asked a man out myself, saying they could never do that.
I actually am quite scared to approach men now tbh.

Possibly, if he only wants a platonic friendship.

It was just some noise about not dating ATM, but I got the msg. He was nice about it and everything.

Yes indeed, if he'd only ever wanted friendship from the start then that's understandable.
However they seem to think that if he'd had any interest in me that he would have instantly lost all of it just by me saying that to him..

I used to be quite confident and had no issue asking out men/letting them know I was into them but let me say I will never be doing that again, that's for sure.

It was just some noise about not dating ATM, but I got the msg. He was nice about it and everything.

Well, that's good. You can still be friends and at least you won't be mooning around after someone who's not available for you. You can go find someone who IS right for you.

I'd say that's a job well done.

I have honestly never met a man in my life who wouldn’t be happy for a woman, that he fancied, to tell him she found him attractive.

The only reasons not to tell someone, in my opinion, is if a) they’re not single or b) it would ruin a friendship if they don’t feel the same.

Hmmm bit dramatic.

Your friends are just different that’s all 🤷‍♀️

That whole "women must passively wait for what they want" shit does my head in. Just how many opportunities to live a fulfilling life must a woman with that mindset miss out on? Men can be shy and afraid of rejection too.

I think you did good. Rejection isn't the most fun experience, but it's part of life and you'll stop feeling embarrassed soon enough.

Thank you. This is going to sound weird but I've never been 'friendzoned' by a man before. Not that I haven't been rejected, but it was usually the man suddenly lost interest in me after a month or two, or I was in a long relationship, but never just 'pure friends ' not for a long time anyway.
I know neither of us are in the wrong about how we feel but I do feel embarrassed.