Criticised for telling a guy I found him attractive

[Gobacktopartycity1]

According to friends I should never have done this. After knowing a guy for around 2 months, getting on really well and so on I told him that I felt attracted to him and was unsure if was anything further. It wasn't for whatever reason, but at least I knew where I stood.
2 friends are now saying I scared him off, that I should have let it develop naturally. I actually feel really stupid now, they're saying I put him off.
As I say we've been talking and hanging out for a couple of months. It's pretty much put me off with other men now in the future.

It's constantly drilled into us. I was in a relationship for around 4 years so missed all of this but I forgot how brutal it is.

If your friends want to subscribe to archaic views on how women should behave then good luck to them. Any guy ‘scared off’ by this is not a guy you want to know.

Someone once told me they found me attractive, I was flattered and it changed how I felt about them - I realised the feeling was mutual.
So I think what you've done is fine but it's sad that you're embarrassed to contact him again. I hope you can get over that and continue your friendship, one way or another.

As I said I've known him since around late November, it's not a total stranger. Maybe it is just them and their views, I'll try not to feel too bad but it has knocked my confidence a bit.

That's great to hear how it worked out :)
I mean I know he won't be like 'eww, that disgusting troll thinks I'm attractive!' but he'll probably feel awkward around me/worried about giving the wrong idea which seems to kill the friendship sadly. Hopefully it'll be ok in time.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him.

You're right, it's just that they were criticising me for not 'letting it develop ' I mean are you supposed to indefinitely?

They might be jealous you have the confidence to do this. I wish I did!!

Aw thanks , I'm sure you could do it 😀

Don't lose confidence - carry on as you are!

Please don't let this put you off continuing the friendship if you would like to, on a friendship basis. If you are hoping for more, it is only prolonging the agony though!

Men are not timid woodland creatures, so you certainly haven't scared him off. But if a man is interested he will show that interest and will not wait for the woman to make the first move.

The type who do are generally very lacklustre and you'd end up driving the relationship. So for those reasons, I prefer to assume friendship only unless the man takes the initiative.

And truly, if a man likes you, he WILL make the first move.

True, he probably would've done it in those 2 months I guess!
Yeah sadly I don't think just friendship works for me ATM, it was great but it just prolongs the agony and I don't want to be second guessing things, nor do I want him to feel awkward, I think me hanging round hoping he changes his mind would just signal no self respect for myself. Maybe in the future!

I'm with you. When I started dating after a long term relationship I met a guy I liked. I passed on my number via friends and when he rang i asked him out. We have been together 16 years, married with 3 kids.

I don't think you did anything wrong, if he like you that way he would have reciprocated you just saved yourself some time

Your friends sound like idiots

That's good that it worked out :)
I feel a bit better now, I shouldn't pay attention to these friends.

Ignore your friends. Everyone and every relationship is different. My husband proposed to me three weeks after we met. That was over 50 years ago. And if he hadn't proposed, I reckon I would have done!

I would take this as a lesson to stop discussing every tiny detail of my lovelife with my friends, rather than to stop being myself with men.

You did the right thing!

A man who “freaks out” over the possibility that a woman is interested in him isn’t worth pursuing. Contra your (idiot) friends’ argument you have really done yourself a favour. They think gameplaying and fakery are necessary to attracting and keeping a man, like they are shy woodland creatures, but they are wrong. Don’t bother with a guy who needs to be coaxed, seduced, and flattered into giving you a response. In my opinion men know what they want and will pursue it if they want.

You didn't do anything wrong and have probably saved a lot of wasted time wondering if he liked you or not. In my experience, men don't hold back if they really fancy someone. If he were really into you, he wouldn't be put off by you saying you're attracted to him! Your friends sound a bit pathetic to be honest 😂

It sounds ridiculous but he's the first male friend that's wanted to be my friend without an agenda. We talked lots and could spend hours in coffee shops talking and so on, I find most men don't have much interest in me unless there's a sexual interest, like they'll be friendly but not like close friends, so if confused me I guess but it's not his fault.

Who made them the authority on what men do or don't want? 🙄 Please don't let the opinion of just two people (who aren't men themselves) put you off telling someone you are attracted to them.

You haven't embarrassed yourself, you didn't throw yourself to the floor, cling to his legs and beg him to reconsider.

Tell your friends to go back to 1954. FFS.

Don't change. Keep asking.
I once behaved like an old maid waiting to be asked out - happy for scraps.
When I eventually loved myself, I asked a man I liked out. 21 yrs and 2 children later it's still all good. Well worth the risk.
Do you think men are bothered when someone rejects their advances? Nope, they just move to the next - so should you. Ignore your friends.

I don't know why I'm ashamed that I got some sort of feelings for him after only a couple of months, obviously wasn't like love or anything but I ended up with a huge crush.