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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be getting more than slightly irritated and a little worried that DP isnt back yet.

62 replies

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 13:55

He went off at 9.30 on a half hour drive to buy something for work. Heavy and awkward so wasnt expecting him straight back. It is now 1.45 and i cannot phone him because they have cut my mobile off, which means his will be cut off too . He said to me this morning, what do you want to do today, i said, but arent you out buying, he said he wouldnt be long - so now, ive got no means of contacthing anyone. If i had known he was going to be half the day i would have maybe gone into town with my mother this morning. But of course, i was expecting him back, still am, the weather is diabolical, DD is miserable and quite frankly so am i!!

I sat her on my own all bloody day and night yesterday as he was in the shed fucking about working until 10.30. He knows i had a shit day yesterday (i suffer from depression) and today i felt much more positive, but as time goes on.....that positivity is slipping away. Oh i wish i could drive but im too scared to learn. So pissed off, i know his phone will be out of service, so why cant he find a phone box and ring me to say....

Thing is, he is off buying expensive machinery for his business. But i feel resentful, i dont go ANYWHERE on my own, well not unless you count visits to the doctor. I can't justify my mother babysitting for me to go and do stuff for myself, what would i do anyway? I cant afford to go to the gym or anything like that. I could take the dog for a walk i suppose, but the last time i was out with a dog on my own was with my old dog and i would just end up remembering him (my best friend). I love our new dog but its not the same. DP gets cross when i make comments like, bloody hell i wish i could "just pop" and have a look at xyz on a whim - i am cross because i think he is cashing in on being out of contact. He just comes back with the whole, you chose to be a SAHM argument

OP posts:

chocfest · 22/03/2008 13:59

does he often bugger off for a few hours but saying he will only be half hour or so?

Earlybird · 22/03/2008 14:05

I agree that it's inconsiderate of him to be gone for so long without letting you know. My advice would be don't sit inside getting more and more upset. Leave him a note and take the dog for a long, bracing walk. A change of scenery and some fresh air could do you good. Force yourself to look around and really see what's there, smell the air, feel the wind, hear the noises, look for signs of spring etc - concentrate on those things instead of things that will upset you.

Have you had any counselling for your depression?

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 14:10

He just has no sense of time, he doesnt go off on a bender or anything, but it is so frustrating being stuck in waiting.

I can't go out, its pissing down and DD will just scream if she has to have her rain cover on

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Youcannotbeserious · 22/03/2008 14:11

Oh, sorry you are not feeling great.

I am a bit of a worrier sometimes, and vacilitate between 'I'll kill him when he gets here' to 'what if something's happened'!!!

YOu do need to get out more... I do know how difficult it is to get over an 'old' dog - but perhaps you could try some new things? My last dog loves the sea, my current dog hates it, but loves the swimming pool... Maybe you could find a new walk that doesn't bring back memories?

Also, who says you have to justify a little 'me' time????? You don't have to be out saving the world just to have a little time out - wer're not all Angelina Jolies

If I were you, I'd wrap up warm, wrap up DD and take the dog for a splodge, feed the ducks, play on the swings - get some fresh air and take your mind off DH...

BTW, you aren't being unreasonable to worry, unless he does this alot, in which case you aren't being unreasonable to be P*ssed off about it!!

Youcannotbeserious · 22/03/2008 14:14

Sorry, crossed post - is there any public transport you could take?

A bus ride can be fun for little ones? I used to love taking my elder DSD on a bus... She realy loved it, but couldn't ever understand why the bus kept stopping... We'd explain that it was for other people to get on and off, but she never did get it.... As far as she was concerned, the bus was her (and her alone!!!)

chocfest · 22/03/2008 14:15

Deffo try to get out for some fresh air, you will feel so much better and hopefully in the meantime he will come bck and worry where YOU are! Or maybe pop round to a friend or neighbour for a coffee. A change of scenery would do you good. If you are anything like me and stay in, then it will end up with me blowing my top and then everyone is pissed off. I always try to go out if feeling a bit down, it will really help.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 14:15

The most annoying thing is he had promised that we would take DD to the small play centre. I can't get there because it is way off the bus route, so she is mithering me to go and will not be satisfied with my paltry half hearted offerings of lego or puzzles. Damn this weather, i feel like a fecking prisoner

OP posts:

Earlybird · 22/03/2008 14:20

Do something else 'special' with your dd. Maybe make cookies or a cake, and then have a tea party with her dolls/toys? Pop some popcorn and watch 'movies' together? Put on some loud music and do a 'disco'?

Youcannotbeserious · 22/03/2008 14:22

Could you get a taxi to the play centre?

Or, is there somewhere on a bus route you could go? Library? pottery painting?

Earlybird · 22/03/2008 14:25

Can you Mum come get you and take you somewhere? Could you walk to her house? If you're miserable stuck inside, I guarantee your friends are too. Get bundled up and go visit one of them for a coffee and impromptu playdate.......or invite one of them over to yours....

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 14:30

I dont have any friends really, apart from aquaintances at M&T. My mother has gone to bingo, after ringing me this morning and asking if i wanted to go out, but i said no, DP wants us to do stuff together today.

All the suggestions are lovely, but IF i take myself off somewhere it is just going to end up in an argument because i would have been "being funny". If i stay in and wait, there is the chance he might get home in time to take DD to soft play.

So pissed off, he knows i get cabin fever. I really would go out, but the weather is foul so i will just end up more stressed.

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Original poster

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 14:31

EB, we have done the disco - that was fun Just bloody frustrated now though, i want DP to come home and spend some time with us.

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Youcannotbeserious · 22/03/2008 14:34

To be fair, ( I don't know where you are!) but the weather IS grim... I am waiting to take the dog for a walk and it's hailing so bad, I'm putting it off... as soon as it calms down, I'm off out!!

WIll your DP really be upset if you go out? He can't really expect you to stay in all day, on the off chance he'll make it home... Can you just not leave him a note, let him know where you are off to and go?

If you don't mid me asking, what's stopping you driving? Maybe you could consider some lessons?

captainmummy · 22/03/2008 14:40

It's snowing here!(Surrey! Nearly as far south as you can get!)

chocfest · 22/03/2008 14:46

I dont see how he can say you are "being funny". He was expected home 4 odd hours ago! If nothing has happened to delay him, he would be very unreasonable to say that to you. If you are not going to go out, then you must let him know how upset you and DD have been in wasting the day waiting in for him to come back in order for you to have a nice family day. Then put chilli powder in his underpants and clean the toilet with his toothbrush!

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 14:48

lol captain - im further south than that

He is on the phone to me now, paid the bill - I so hate being incommunicado!1 Told him i was pissed off, but he said sorry - no point in being shitty and spoiling whole weekend is there. Will just have to think of pennance.

I am basically frightened of my own shadow - i did have driving lessons in the past, never got round to the test, now dont have time, money etc all excuses really. Im just plain scaredy pants.

thanks for listening to my whinge

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captainmummy · 22/03/2008 14:59

LEM - where are you then? Sussex? Channel Islands? if you are.
I'm glad he's been in contact, but I still think you should give him a peice of your mind - it's taken up almost the entire day, when he should be helping give you a break from being Mum. We all need a break from the 'job' sometimes, - he has his break at weekends, so should you.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 15:04

over a bit from sussex captain not the channel islands though. Could he lose himself for that long there do you think? Am a bit annoyed, but really, whats the point in arguing over it - i dont have the energy, what i do have though, is prozac

OP posts:

captainmummy · 22/03/2008 15:09

Too early for wine?

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 15:11

'fraid so

OP posts:

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 15:41

he STILL isn't home, should have been no more than 20 minutes away when he rang to say he was on his way He is taking the piss isn't he??

"don't be pissed off baby" Oh why the hell shouldnt i???? I've just wasted the whole fucking day, you know, a day that is supposed to be a family holiday It just doesnt occur to him that i am fucking well trapped here, if i get arsey it will just backfire on me.

Just feel so miserable now though, can't do anything with the rest of the day now either. Fucking men!

OP posts:

chocfest · 22/03/2008 15:45

Let him have it, both barrels, the minute he walks in the door. You could have made plans to do something else, with your mum, or gone somewhere, he has ruined your day, and he needs to know. If you say nothing, he will do it again.

If, on the other hand,he comes in with some flowers or chocs for you, and a little something for DD, with an apology, still tell him calmly how let down you feel, so he thinks twice next time.

Youcannotbeserious · 22/03/2008 15:46

Yes, sorry to agree with you here, but he is taking the piss....

I have NO problems with my DH going out and doing his own thing, but I DO expect him home when he says and, if he says we're doing XYZ when I get home', then YES, I would expect it to happen...

MOreover, I think you have every right to be ticked off for your DD, who was promised a playdate.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 22/03/2008 21:32

He came in just after i posted, i was v quiet and he knew i was upset, but he was apologetic. I just couldnt be arsed to argue, we bundled up, took the dog out, for all of five minutes (blooody freeeezing). Now he is putting DD to bed, because she will only have daddy - lmao - revenge is sweet

OP posts:

rookiemater · 22/03/2008 21:47

Lem are you just going to let this pass.

I know you don't want to argue and I agree thats not going to help but you do need to make some sort of stance. If it were me I'd be off for most of Sunday and leave him with DD, even if that means you sit in Starbucks nursing a coffee all day.

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