to be getting more than slightly irritated and a little worried that DP isnt back yet.

[lucyellensmum]

He went off at 9.30 on a half hour drive to buy something for work. Heavy and awkward so wasnt expecting him straight back. It is now 1.45 and i cannot phone him because they have cut my mobile off, which means his will be cut off too . He said to me this morning, what do you want to do today, i said, but arent you out buying, he said he wouldnt be long - so now, ive got no means of contacthing anyone. If i had known he was going to be half the day i would have maybe gone into town with my mother this morning. But of course, i was expecting him back, still am, the weather is diabolical, DD is miserable and quite frankly so am i!!

I sat her on my own all bloody day and night yesterday as he was in the shed fucking about working until 10.30. He knows i had a shit day yesterday (i suffer from depression) and today i felt much more positive, but as time goes on.....that positivity is slipping away. Oh i wish i could drive but im too scared to learn. So pissed off, i know his phone will be out of service, so why cant he find a phone box and ring me to say....

Thing is, he is off buying expensive machinery for his business. But i feel resentful, i dont go ANYWHERE on my own, well not unless you count visits to the doctor. I can't justify my mother babysitting for me to go and do stuff for myself, what would i do anyway? I cant afford to go to the gym or anything like that. I could take the dog for a walk i suppose, but the last time i was out with a dog on my own was with my old dog and i would just end up remembering him (my best friend). I love our new dog but its not the same. DP gets cross when i make comments like, bloody hell i wish i could "just pop" and have a look at xyz on a whim - i am cross because i think he is cashing in on being out of contact. He just comes back with the whole, you chose to be a SAHM argument

I kind of agree with Rookie - letting this pass does send the signal that it's completely OK for him to disappear off and not worry about you (whereas, you'll be 'acting funny' for doing likewise!)

But, it's Easter and this may not be the weekend to do it............

Next time he says he's off out 'for only 30 minutes' I'd be tempted to go with him!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, glad you managed a little bit of a nice day and I hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Do I really though? honestly, im not sure what it would achieve? It is not like he was off down the pub or playing golf or anything like that. He was off buying machinery and just has no concept of time, was busy dithering over what machine to buy - he can dither and vascilate for england can my DP. So yes, i was pissed off, mostly because i couldn't get in touch with him. But in the scheme of things, is it worth ruining the whole weekend over? If i take myself off tomorrow then DD will miss out on a day out with mummy and daddy. I will miss out on a day with daddy and DD. He knows i was pissed off due to my wasted day, and he wasn't "allowed" to go and work in the shed when he got home as he had "neglected me enough already".

There would have been a time when i would have turned this into an almighty, unpleasant row, which would have ended up with me in tears and him angry and pissed off. Now, at least i am going to get laid oh, prozac is a wonderful thing

Ok maybe youcannot be is right this isn't the weekend to do it. You are also right that a blazing row isn't going to help you, your DP or your DD.

But firstly as a parent if you say to your child that you are going to be available to do something, then as an adult I think you should be responsible enough to remember what time it is and put your childs needs before your own.

Secondly, and I kind of learnt this one the hard time, family time is great and wonderful but if it is always achieved by you putting your own requirements and needs right at the bottom of the list it comes at a very high price.

Anyway enjoy your evening in any case.

LEM - I agree... Stirring anything up tonight is just going to make for a horrid weekend for all of you - the one time you get to spend together....

But, I do think you need to think about how to stop this reoccuring.....

Perhaps this could be the thing that makes you think... I could learn to drive and get a little runabout and be able to pop out when I wanted to?????????? Maybe, huh? It is scary, but not that difficult, esp. an automatic? Just an idea!

Well, enjoy your evening ... Glad you are feeling happier!

I would be highly suspicious of someone who goes off to runan hour long errand at 9,30am and does not appear home until well into the afternoon.

I really don't want to make you feel bad but do you trust him?

No concept of time is being an hour when you say you'll be 15 minutes... not 6 hours when you say you'll be half an hour

How did he spend 6 hours buying one bit of machinery?

Men huh!!?

did he have lunch?

if so he knew it wasn't morning anymore

so his concept of time thing is just cock

sorry but you are letting him get away with this

he is being a twat and you are just accepting it....... why??

I think you have to let some things go in a relationship..

not being out over 6hrs instead of 1/2 hr. surely he cant have been getting one piece of machinery all that time........

oh dear, i feel that i have to spring to DPs defense really. Firstly, he didnt say he would be half an hour, he was half hours drive away. Secondly, he had a bit, not a lot of a delay getting the first bit of machinery (second hand, something was wrong, so bargaining over details - expensive). Then he went to look at another new machine, which beleive me, with my DP could take him all day, but to be fair he is spending a large amount of money we can barely afford to try and give his business a head start so it has to be right. Then after that he run some rubbish down the tip, which i had forgotten he was going to do. But he was longer than anticipated, DD did miss out on the ball park, but if i am totally honest, it was no great loss as the day turned out ok as she had a nice time having Tea parties with daddy and her toys.

But there is of course an issue, as i do feel bored and a bit isolated. He is working in the shed again today so am bored really, but to be fair, the weather is so shit that there is no where to go. Some friends came to visit so that was ok to, DD enjoys tormenting them I really coudl do with learning to drive and maybe will get round to it sometime soon. DD will be at play school soon, so i might enrol at the gym. Take a part time job, or possibly even some more study (but then again..)

To the question of trust, there is no question, i trust him 100%

WE are just through a very difficult time in our relationship and i have really just learnt that sometimes its just better to let things go. I told him i wasnt happy, he said sorry, what was the point of dragging it out, its not going to change things. So instead of sulking we had a nice evening.

As for driving yes, it is ridiculous, especially when DP uses a van for work and we have an automatic car sitting out the front of the house that i can't use. The problem is that, it is in a high insurance group and the insurers wont insure me to learn to drive in it,and then when i pass it would be really expensive. It is an old mercedes estate and i absolutely love the car to peices so really don't want to get rid of it (my baby) and it would actually not pay us to do so, it is probably only worth a grand and to buy something smaller would not be cost effective as this car is 100% reliable etc and we would lose money on selling it etc. Im making excuses i know, but also, i can't imagine driving a tiny car, i wouldnt feel safe. We used to have a volvo and i could drive that, although dave said it was probably better that i havent passed my test, as my concept of spaces and gaps is worse than his concept of time.

But yes, i know i am going to have to do it one day.

"it was probably better that i havent passed my test, as my concept of spaces and gaps is worse than his concept of time. "

oh I'm sorry

the little wife can't drive because she has no spacial awareness?

he sounds a catch

actually, he is . When you have had to sit in the driving seat next to me with your eyes shut, with me saying, well i couldnt stop because i forgot how to gear down......then you might understand. But to be fair, that was only a joke on his part, not serious.

LEM - Don't feel you have to justify your relationship. You posted when you were feeling down and anxious..... That's not the sum total of your relationship and we all understand that....

But, all those feelings are going to come back the next time this happens, and that's what I think you need to work to change...

Given that your DH is setting up a business (or runs his own) chances are he's pretty passionate about what he does. If my DH ran a guitar business, I'd better get some good photos of him - because I wouldn't see him for toffee... He'd be off to take a look at one guitar and turn up several days later having looked at a million of them!!!!!!!

I think you should think about some sort of hobby.....

And please don't write driving off.... There are millions of ways to learn... take some lessons or even take your car to a private road or trading estate for some 'free' practice. You don't need to 'gear down' in an automatic... it really is a case of stepping on the gas or the brake (to be fair, the same can be said of any car, only that you'll stall a manual!)

I got hit by a joyrider when I was quite young and didn't drive until after I'd left Uni, even though I had a test, because I was scared, so I do understand the feeling... but it is so liberating and brings so much freedom - even if it's only to get to the shops or to town if there are no buses....

I just dont want everyone to think DP is a selfish twunt, because he isnt. I think the problem is mine actually - need to get a life i think

I suffered depression after my first child as was stuck at home with a baby no friends etc, but i tooks driving lessons after i was diagnosed with cancer as realised i was missing out on so much. it was the best thing i ever did i couldnt afford it but just bought cheap food and really cut back only for short time. i had another baby 6 months ago and felt so much better as didnt feel traped even just nipping to shop on night when kids in bed and dh home. you really must stop making excuses and if you arent happy do something life is really too short

I agree with everyone who says learn to drive, obviously not a miracle solution to everything it really does help if you feel trapped at home etc

I don't think he's a twunt

I have read enough posts from you to know what a lovely man he is

You can post when you're having a rough time & if you don't mention the good times then it can be easy for others to think that all times are like the rough time you're posting about (you as the collective... not you personally)

I see the bigger picture & I thought it was understandable from your post that he mentioned the space issue as a joke

My dh teases me for having a lead foot as I drive too fast for his liking!!

LEM, Spacial Awareness is somethig that is more developed in males,just like being able to do more than one thing at a time is more acute in females. But ask any car insurance company and they will tell you that women are better drivers than men, gap-judgers or not. It is something you will learn, you will not be learning in a double-decker bus! But it is easier the younger you are, - you say you will do it, one day. The older you are, the less likely you are to learn. (Just don't learn in the merc. estate. They are like driving a wardrobe; you will need power steering, ABS, and to be able to see the corners of the car! Volvo do small cars, that are good and safe)

My DH won't let me drive his car (Unless we are coming back from the pub, when I'm designated driver ) because he reckons 'I crash into things'....

Actually, this is true....... I am an Alloy wheel's worst nightmare!!!!!!!!!!

pmsl about the wardrobe thing, you wait til i tell DP, it does have powersteering though. Ive not driven it though so i can't say.

I am quite a saredy cat though, i mean, i will only sit in the back seat with DD and wont let him take her out alone in the car - ive turned down offers of lifts from people with cars because i dont trust them to drive as well as dp. I make the excuse that i cant move the car seat. hmmmm LEM needs kick up the bum.

We had a lovely day today though - DP back at work tomorrow, he will be in the shed all day no doubt, but its funny, i can cope with that because it is a "work day"

Hey - glad you had a good day yesterday!

My DH has also gone back to work now - won't be home until Friday!!

And I'm off to The-Most-Boring-JOb-In-The-World (TM)...

Hope you and DD have a good day...

BTW, Have you ever had a bad accident, which makes your fearful of cars? after I got hit by the joyrider, it took years for me to feel OK about driving again and (like you) didn't like to be driven by strangers... Actually, I still don't like travelling by public transport...

no accident, but i suffer from anxiety disorder, which basically means im frightened of my own shadow. Especially if it concerns my children.

I sort of see this from both sides. I would be very angry if my DH said he would be a couple of hours and was then most of the day, especially if he had made promises to the children, which is perhaps the worst bit.

OTOH LEM you do sound quite needy - which he might find a bit suffocating. I think you recognise this which is good. I don't think you would harm from getting rid of the merc and getting a small, safe, easy to drive car and learning. And that would be brilliant for your DP, your DD, but most of all you. I love being able to drive and the independence it gives me. I am also a bit that you won't let DP take DD out without you. He can drive, you can't, why do you need to be there? I think you need to trust him with DD a bit. Fair enough to be wary of other drivers you don't know as well, but her own father?