Or is DDs ballet teacher too intense?!?

[FrenchFancie]

I can’t decide if I’m being a bit PFB here but.

DD is 11, has been dancing since 4, mostly at a different school. We moved house 18 months ago and she started a new ballet school and this woman is intense to say the least! DD has to do 3-4 hours of ballet every week and isn’t allowed to miss lessons - if she does she may get ‘chopped’ from one of the classes.

the kids regularly come out from classes in tears. I’ve tried to speak to the teacher on several occasions but she’s always too busy. The one time I did get to speak to her I was told ‘I know my teaching methods get the best from the girls so I’m not going to change anything’

i understand from DD that the teacher very rarely praises the girls, instead she’s very critical ‘that needs more work’ and ‘that’s not good enough’. A girl has been sent away from class today and told she can’t continue with it because her feet are wrong and her physique is wrong (I assume the teacher means she’s too plump).

i get that DD is moving up through the grades and therefore things get harder, but this seems to be so intense and unpleasant . I hate seeing DD and the other girls cry. She’s not going to be a professional dancer- this is just meant to be a fun hobby.

whats other people’s experience of ballet beyond grade 3? If we change schools will it be just as bad elsewhere?

and is her teacher too intense or am I just being PFB and assuming it should be more fun than this?

Some ballet schools are like this, I'd find a different school or different dance style or a different sport if there aren't any other choices. I purposely chose a dance school for DD where its casual and relaxed and fun. I dont think this teacher's modus operandi has a place anywhere, but there is a place for more intense focused schools for those that want to excel but they don't suit everyone.

Find another dance school. Maybe one that doesn’t just do ballet. My daughter has danced since age 4 and has done grade 5 ballet, she is not what you would say is a typical ballet dancer physique wise but she has never been told she can’t continue. They have all shapes and sizes in her school, they go once a week and it is about enjoying it. Yes some go on to have dance careers but most do it for fun

Watch the fairly recent Panorama documentary on ballet schools and the effect that this kind of abuse has had on their students. It was aired last year.
As a result there is a huge push in ballet schools to move away from this type of abusive teaching and prevent it being covered up and the type of ballet school you are describing is now the minority. Plenty of good, supportive local dance schools out there.
When you've watched it, you'll move your daughter.

I went to school with a girl who had to give up ballet at 14yrs as she had crumbling bones-she was absolutely distraught at giving it up but it was for the best for her well being. So when I had children I was mindful of how intense this training is.
My daughter did ballet from 3-8yrs and thoroughly enjoyed it, but at 8yrs I had a conversation with the teacher ( lovely lady) about my daughter carrying on and she said she was good but not enough to make a career out of it so just keep it light and fun, don’t carry on to the next level. I trusted her judgement and my daughter just naturally moved on to other interests. Find another ballet school, the woman sounds awful.

My son was 15, almost 16 when he started ballet and he would not have accepted anything like this. He’s grade 6/RAD inter now but went into quite advanced classes (maybe grade 4) straight away because of his age despite being a total beginner. You can’t have a six foot lad in with the primary kids. He had to catch up with others and never felt any pressure from teachers.

This is awful! Our ballet school is lovely and inclusive - some of the kids are a very high standard but the school makes clear that they know that for most of them this is a fun hobby, not something they will do professionally, and the aim is for them to enjoy themselves. At a recent show, there were kids of all different physiques - the teen who danced the lead part was a larger girl (and a lovely dancer)!

Look for a different school - this is not normal or okay. She is only 11!

You need to protect your daughters mental health by removing her from this class. I work with children and sadly I've known several girls pushed to the point of self-harm and eating disorders by constant criticism and pressure from over-zealous dance and gymnastics teachers. Often parents don't know the half of it.

There are plenty of dance schools out there. Find one where the teachers are in it for the right reasons, not so they can take their frustrations at their own thwarted ambitions out on their pupils.

Sounds like a frustrated wannabe 'star' trying to live vicariously through her pupils.

This was a very difficult watch. Dd knew most of the young people featured and afterwards she talked about the things she experienced and saw at her school.

She never told us because to her it was normal. It has affected her mental health & she has now decided on a change of direction career wise.

please get your daughter away from that school.

Please take your daughter out: dancers become conditioned to accept abuse behaviour; & they don’t report it because they see eg being dragged round the studio by their bun or having a screwdriver held against their spine to ensure their back is straight during pliés as normal. The first happened to someone when I was a baby; the second was happening a few years ago (I hope it’s stopped now, but…).

Ballet should only make you cry because you’re watching something impossibly beautiful. You might eventually end up crying because you’re injured; or because you didn’t get into a [particular] school or company (or you did, but “good Muslim girls don’t become ballet dancers”); or because a teacher you loved has died - but class should never make you cry: especially as a child.

Dancers often want corrections not praise (because corrections mean there’s potential for you to improve even more) but good teachers are mindful of the need for both; & the need to acknowledge improvement. They’re also good at giving vivid corrections - “I know it’s hard, but could you look less like peasants please?” or “you’re not meant to be down the Den, it’s the Garland Waltz”.

I’ve been in classes with bullying teachers; with a creepy-wrong-unsettling teacher later convicted of CSA; with teachers who were frankly cruel; & then with excellent teachers; supportive teachers; thoughtful teachers; dedicated teachers who actively worked to avoid harm. There are amazing teachers out there, & your DD deserves one. BalletCoForum is probably the place to ask for recommendations, though obviously you’ll need to give your (vague) area.

This is so wrong. My DD (16) is leaving her local dance school this year to move to a professional dance college to study and she has never been spoken to like this.

Corrections are normal but this goes far beyond this.

My daughters dance school has always made sure to instill a love of dance, everything else is secondary in my option.

My kids do ballet, teachers are firm but no one is in tears and the dancers in the higher grades have “physiques” that aren’t typical tiny ballerina. They have biannual showcases/ fundraisers so see them then. I’d have a look around for a less strict school perhaps a dance school that offers different classes.

It sounds awful and she must be a hopeless teacher if there's little.enjoyment and can't handle that not everyone is going to be the 'ideal' ballet dancer. 99.9% of people taking ballet don't have delusions if becoming pro, so why does she think she'll only work with the ones that might? She is not suited to teaching.

Get her out of there op. I did ballet to a relatively high level (for fun, I'm too short to ever go pro), was en pointe for a few years. Our teacher was strict yes, and she definitely pushed us, but she never made us cry. There was far more praise than criticism.

Girls did occasionally cry in her class, but over non ballet stuff, on her shoulder, while she comforted them.

This woman otoh sounds downright cruel.

I think it’s fine to make attendance at the extra class conditional on turning up at other classes and prioritising the ballet classes over taking additional hobbies. You can’t learn properly if you keep cutting classes for hockey matches etc. most sports are the same if you’re in a team and it’s fine to expect the children to commit. By the number of hours etc it sounds like you’ve made the wrong choice of class
and gone for a more serious school, unless you’re somewhere very rural there is likely to be another school that will offer a recreational once a week class. It’s not ok to criticise the things outside the kids control like the structure of their feet, and I wouldn’t want my kid being shouted at either. I think you just need to move her, there are plenty of classes not set up like this. Was her previous school different?

Change schools right away. I have done ballet most of my life and DD also dances. I have experienced first hand as a student and also as a 'dance mum' a range of schools including schools abroad and in London. I have had very strict old school teachers, but they were also kind. What you are describing sounds appalling. It is bullying and I would whip her out of there immediately. Forget giving notice. This behaviour is not acceptable.

@FrenchFancie I cannot stress this strongly enough. You MUST get your child away from this dance school immediately. Don't leave it until the end of this term, get her out right now. Your dd is being abused.

This is a long, long way from normal ballet teaching at any grade/level, let alone for children, and it is absolutely unacceptable. I'm appalled.

I would take her out of the class and write a scathing (honest) review so that other kids don't end up being sent to her class. I've done various bits of ballet and one teacher was a little like this. I still remember her as being a witch. Eventually my mum took me out because I would cry before and after every lesson. There's plenty of great school out there she could go to instead!