Or is DDs ballet teacher too intense?!?

[FrenchFancie]

I can’t decide if I’m being a bit PFB here but.

DD is 11, has been dancing since 4, mostly at a different school. We moved house 18 months ago and she started a new ballet school and this woman is intense to say the least! DD has to do 3-4 hours of ballet every week and isn’t allowed to miss lessons - if she does she may get ‘chopped’ from one of the classes.

the kids regularly come out from classes in tears. I’ve tried to speak to the teacher on several occasions but she’s always too busy. The one time I did get to speak to her I was told ‘I know my teaching methods get the best from the girls so I’m not going to change anything’

i understand from DD that the teacher very rarely praises the girls, instead she’s very critical ‘that needs more work’ and ‘that’s not good enough’. A girl has been sent away from class today and told she can’t continue with it because her feet are wrong and her physique is wrong (I assume the teacher means she’s too plump).

i get that DD is moving up through the grades and therefore things get harder, but this seems to be so intense and unpleasant . I hate seeing DD and the other girls cry. She’s not going to be a professional dancer- this is just meant to be a fun hobby.

whats other people’s experience of ballet beyond grade 3? If we change schools will it be just as bad elsewhere?

and is her teacher too intense or am I just being PFB and assuming it should be more fun than this?

That's how life in the arts is, rightly or wrongly. Music tends to be the same.

I have a lot of personal and professional experience of music education, privately, in schools, specialist schools, conservatoire junior departments and youth orchestras. Music is absolutely not like this.

Take her out and find a new school. That teacher is awful!!!

You can go onto the RAD site and find a teacher. For comparison, my DD is about to sit grade 3 and is also working on inter-foundation. She regularly misses her classes due to her other sport and attending an associate scheme that my sister (qualified RAD teacher) runs in Scotland each month. There is never any threat of being excluded from the IF class.

I am absolutely disgusted, but not surprised as there is a well known teacher who has a similar attitude but their students don't come out crying because they are warned not to go "running to mummy".

There is absolutely no need for that sort of "teaching".

This.
It will only get worse OP. Withdraw her now before her MH is irreparably damaged. Plenty of other ways to keep fit and enjoy being active.

It doesn't sound like a fun hobby to me if people are weeping and being body shamed. Is there another more casual dance school, with other types of dance she might enjoy she could try instead? It's really down to her, if she wants to keep going then I guess let her, but I would question why anyone would want that level of stress for a fun after school activity?

How patronising. The teacher should not be criticising pupil's body shapes, or any of the things that OP describes. Noone should leave a dance class, recreational or otherwise, in tears because of how they've been spoken to and treated. It's perfectly possible to teach any level of student in a way that gets the best out of them with encouragement and respect for their time and effort. Noone said anyone expects pats on the heads and cuddles, ffs.

It’s old school (archaic) ballet which demands perfection.
Take her out.

Totally agree. You can be firm and get the best out of your students without tearing them apart. It’s bullying. These are still young, impressionable children, not streetwise adults.

How depressing that one person can destroy the love of an activity in so many children.
You're right to get her out and look for an alternative.

I had a Gymnastics coach (former Olympian for her country) like this. All those years of torture for me were pointless.

If your daughter's not aiming to get into ballet school and become a professional career ballerina (and maybe even if she is), there's absolutely no point torturing her.

This kind of thing was common when I was learning in the 1980s as a child. It just doesn’t wash now.
Remove her asap and if you can report her, do.
Things are a bit more like this at very high pro level, but dancing is also supposed to be for hobby and enjoyment.

It certainly doesn't have to be like this.

Op find another dance school for your DD, my daughters teacher was lovely and we never had any of this. She only stopped as she wanted to do other things. My friend sent hers to a different local school and said the girls would come out of class crying, she stopped sending them there.

At dd's dance school, one of the best, most committed and loveliest older students is brilliant but she is unlikely to ever be a prima ballerina or dancer as she does not have the "accepted" body type. What she is though is a talented and committed dancer who takes part in a variety of dance and theatre classes, is a supportive and kind helper for the junior classes and is someone who has clearly found something she is passionate about. She is loved by the other students and teachers alike as a result (dd IDOLISES her). It sounds like she would have been tossed out of your dance school at age 11. What a waste of talent and energy and enthusiasm. I look forward to.possibly seeing her on stage in musical theatre or drama in the future.

I did ballet, tap and jazz/modern from the age of 3 until I was 20. My dance teachers were bullies. I used to be on the toilet before classes with a nervous stomach because I was scared of the teachers. I absolutely loved it at the same time though because when it was good, it was amazing. And I had very very strong friendships there. I know some other people that went to dance schools and didn’t have teachers like this, so they aren’t all like that. If I ever have a child I will not be sending them to the same dance school that I went to. I would pull your child out and send her somewhere new if I were you. One of my friends has OCD and after working with a therapist has figured out that it stemmed from our dance school experience

Dd is grade 8 and advanced RAD for her it is an adored hobby , her teacher is strict and pushes them, with very high standards, she frequently sends to the royal ballet school and associate programmes. She never ever treats them like this, under stood when dd missed classes and had to postpone an exam grade due to GCSE'S and loves her girls, as much as they love her. She finds something to praise in them all and weekly but is old school. Move your daughter now!

My daughter has been doing ballet for 14 years- Royal Academy of Ballet the whole time. She has never been made to cry. She has corrections, yes (e.g. turn you hip out to improve this move....etc) but nothing like this.

She's a teenager and shows no sign of wanting to give up because the class encourages her- she freely admits she is mid-level in terms of ability but she enjoys it anyway. That is what a decent ballet class should look like.

Jeez, not quite the same but one of my granddaughters is an exceptionally talented gymnast. She trains 4 days a week, and it’s intense.

However, she leaves her coaching smiling and tired, but looking forward to the next one. If she came out crying or upset over a teacher she’d be pulled faster than her front somersault.

Well the feet might be a problem. I have a long second toe - longer than my big toe. It would make pointe work hard and probably wreck my feet. But the physique thing sounds mad.

I once had a riding lesson. I was meant to be varying the numer of strides the horse took behind jumps I was having g a lot of trouble doing it and the teacher kept up a barrage of abuse. I finally managed it, halted, got off and handed the teacher the reins and told her I wasn't paying good money to be insulted by her. (I was a recreational rider too rather than somebody with competitive ambitions.) My husband was watching and I asked him if I'd gone too far. He told me he was amazed I'd lasted that long. I made sure to not have her as a teacher again. Other riding teachers could be firm and no-nonsense but nothing like this person I hope she reflected on it because she was open-mouthed with astonishment.

There's about a million and one different ballet schools you could sign her up to. This isn't normal, and she shouldn't be subjected to it.

I can't understand why this woman has any pupils. Who pays good money for their children to be made to cry regularly?

Are there any good alternatives reasonably close, and is it possible to transfer the IF registration to another school if your daughter wants to do it?

My 15 yo dd goes to a very well regarded large dance school. She was overweight when younger but has shed loads of weight and is now a size 6/8. The ballet teacher never passed comment to her but I was told by her friend that their tap teacher called her friend fat a couple of years ago.

As for the shouting and shaming, no this doesn’t happen at her school. They are very strict and the environment is pressured and it certainly isn’t for everyone. I know a girl with ASD left at about 11 (which if progressing normally is the sort of age things become a little more strict). It was too much for her and her mum felt they were unkind and it sounds as if they didn’t want to make adjustments for her. Dd dropped a class several years as she was scared of a teacher, who she thought shouted. When I spoke to the owner, he explained the teacher actually had partial hearing loss.

The students are not penalised or threatened in this way. The only stipulation is that they don’t miss more than 2 days leading up to the annual show, which is totally understandable as they only spend 6/7 weeks preparing for it.

Personally I would find a different dance school. This isn’t on at all and it will be having an impact on their mental health.

Edit - to add one of dd’s friends travels from about an hour away to attend the school so I know it may not be easy to find a good one.

I still dance and did the RAD associate training as a teen. Ballet is strict, yet criticism should always be constructive. I thought having a dance background would help me to protect my own DD from this type of nonesense but sadly not.

I've moved my DD (and myself) to a different school and the change in her is remarkable. I will not tolerate anyone treating my daughter badly during an activity that I am paying for. In fact, I expect lots of praise and age appropriate encouragement. They are in a local ballet class, not White Lodge.

Not all girls are going to be the required standard for honours/distinction exam grades. It doesn't mean that they should be humiliated or weeded out of classes. Vote with your feet, OP and make sure the teacher knows exactly why. It won't be pretty but it'll satisfy you and DD will love her new class.

If it's just a hobby, fuck that!!! Why are you putting her through it? Teach her a life lesson - you don't have to put up with being treated like that by anyone.

It's 2024. All these posters saying, but that's how it is in ballet (especially at career/ top level) really need to think again.

That level of bullying and conditioning towards perfection is unacceptable.

I get it, top level ballet is an elite sport for a cretin body type. But that still doesn't warrant bullying and ostracisng children who don't quite fit the description.

At 11 it should be nothing but fun, friendships and celebrating the achievements of moving up some levels.

This is coming from a mum who's DC was at top European level for their choosen sport. Was British & European champion or runner up.for their age group on several occasions
DC was never bullied or shamed, doors to sports halls were always open (we sat in the corridor ), so we knew what was going on.
DC is an adult now, but still has friends from competing days, even though they are not doing the sport anymore.

Yes to this. What exactly is the point of putting your child through this? She clearly hates it. Your child is communicating with you, so you need to listen.

This attitude is why monsters who destroy girls’ self esteem are allowed to thrive in the dance world.