Or do I just accept it

[AnotherMarie]

So basically I am fed up in my marriage. My DH works long hours and it varies when he is getting home. He does earn a decent amount (75k) and I do appreciate that he has to work. He has season tickets for various sports and hobbies 2 nights per week which can leave him doing something at least every Saturday/Sunday. He also has a lads night once per week and goes to various gigs etc. He says I am being unreasonable and its healthy to get out with friends etc, which I agree, I would love to go out with my friends but I am so tired I would rather just go to bed. I have raised the concern with him and he has dropped the hobby that he does twice a week. I can still never guarantee when he is coming home from and it makes me so miserable and I feel so alone.

The thing is, for it to work I either accept that this is the way it is or I end it?

Why are you so tired out of interest?

Bit more info, we have 2 children, age 2 and 5. I do all the school/nursery drop offs etc, food shopping, cleaning, washing. I work 3 days per week

I am just overwhelmed I suppose not so much tired. I would rather just sit and not speak to anybody instead! haha

Is he supportive when you want to go out?

I'd be expecting some time when he's home and you're able to go out with your friends and do your hobbies - otherwise it's completely unfair

What do you want him to do when he gets home? What difference would it make if he was there?
I am asking because I often want to do something at weekends and my partner is too tired after a week at work. Rather than me sitting on a couch for the whole day watching him taking cat naps, I go and do my own thing. I don't think it makes any difference whether I am there or not if all he does is sleeping and watching TV.
We do also do things together quite a lot but plenty of things separately as well.
He suggested you go and do something for yourself, presumably he is happy to do childcare to allow you to do it. And if all you want is to sit and not speak to anyone, why do you need him around?

I arranged to get my hair done last week at 19:30 to give him enough time to come but he didnt make it, every time I arrange something he is late so I have given up as it causes me too much stress.

He sounds selfish, I'm sure he makes it on time to his hobbies

He needs to start behaving like a husband and father not a single bloke. Right now, especially while the kids are young, he has to prioritise family time over his hobbies and mates. That doesn’t mean he can’t ever do those things, but his normal weekly routine should be focussed on home. You are not the cleaner and the nanny, you are his wife and partner, and he needs to start valuing that and treating you like that.

Also, if you’re too tired to go out with friends, book a night for yourself in a nice local hotel and go and sleep for as much as you like, while he deals with the house and kids for once.

Find a babysitter.. He can afford it... May shame him into shaping up and contributing more than dollar to his family...

The thing is, he is a nice guy and he tells me his family think that I am completely unreasonable to create arguments over this and to always have an issue. I just question myself constantly

I mean, unless he's stuck in theatre doing life saving surgery or similar, then he just sounds like a selfish arse to me. Does he ever have the kids on his own?

Your husband is totally taking the piss.

Urgh why is he telling his family about your relationship issues?.
Because he knows they will back him regardless and he needs that because he knows he is wrong....

He slags you off to his family, too? What a fucking charmer. He thinks he's some kind of hero because he works and helps support his family, doesn't he? Nah. That's just the bare minimum.

I genuinely believe he thinks he is fine, Yesterday evening he went out straight from work for food. Tonight few drinks with the lads and Saturday he is at a Gig.

'He's a nice guy' - my arse

Does he bring anything positive to your lives? How did he act when you missed your hair appointment? Was he sorry?

i will always be the bad guy though as to everybody else he appears so nice and chilled. I have always kind of spoke my mind and been a bit fiery so I will never stand a a chance there.

So how many hours a week does he spend actively engaged with his toddlers? And how many hours actively or passively with you and awake. I think if you lay it all in terms of hours a week it'll be pretty clear that he's a pretty shot partner and an appalling parent.

He’s not a good guy.

What makes him a nice guy? Genuine question.

He doesn't want you wanting him to be home more so he backs up his point of view with what he says his family (or anyone else he cares to use in this context) think.

People in your situation do tend to question yourself constantly, to doubt yourself, because you are being told in all manner of ways that you are the one in the wrong. What he's basically trying to drum into you is that his wants come before yours and his children's needs.

Start to not doubt yourself, that's the first step

Fucking hell another entitled bloke who thinks because he works & earns money he can somehow do whatever he pleases & you're responsible for everything at home.

I'd be fed up as well. He's so far from being a nice guy.