Gross

[Janelle7]

AIBU to think this is gross. Caught H just about to go for a piss in the yard last night. He was sneakily putting his beer cans in the recycling (thinks i didnt know he was drinking, he has issues) and i was putting LO to bed. Their bedroom window faces the yard. I looked out the blind and he looked up at me, mid fly unzipping, getting into position and then we had a stand off. Eventually he zipped back up and stormed into the house. Its disgusting right? He then stormed upstairs and stood at LOs bedroom door and was shouting and swearing at me. Im angry as i was all peaceful getting LO to bed (he never does bed times) and there’s him ranting and raving. He only gets like this when hes been drinking 🤦🏻‍♀️

He was peeing into your recycling?

Firstly yes it's gross. Secondly wtf??? So whilst trying to peacefully put your child to bed, this man is shouting and swearing at you in front of them? And he has a drinking problem? You've got bigger issues than him peeing in your garden op.... I think you know this.

The pissing in the garden is the least of your problems.

Secret drinking, ranting and raging and being so disengaged from parenting that he doesn't put his kids to bed are the problems.

Does he actually see there is a problem with any of these? Does he want to be part of a family? How is he showing you that he does? Do you want to live like this, and are you happy for your little one to?

I wouldn't get overly worked up about the peeing if it was into soil. It will wash away. However the rest of the behaviour - drinking, swearing, ranting - is terrible.

No he wasnt pissing in the recycling! In the corner of the yard (concrete). Hes going on at me like its normal. Probably is for him as he’s clearly got away with it in the past 🤦🏻‍♀️ yard will stink. Gross

yes he does have issues with drinking and temper. He doesnt do any parenting but yet i do it all wrong in his eyes

Hopefully that was his first attempt ?
You were right to have given him the long cold stare.
We had a delivery man pee down the side of our house ( neighbour saw him ) and it stunk for weeks, so if that area in your yard doesn't smell it might have been a one off.

No id say hes got form for it. Cba to walk upstairs to the empty bathroom 🚽

ive seen him do it before. Always when hes been drinking, wouldnt if he was sober

Well apparently Mike Tindalls father in law does it when he lets the dogs out so it's an aristocratic behaviour. 😂

Seriously it's recommended to deter foxes from the garden.

If neither of these are relevant YANBU.

Kids play out there. Were in a terrace and its our yard directly outside the back door so potentially neighbours could have seen him. Further up with have garden/grass area

My EXh used to do this, he was/is (I suppose still) an alcoholic. I couldn't believe it when I first caught him ! And we lived in a bloody bungalow ! No stairs to climb up to the bathroom.
It's vile. Coupled with everything else you've written here OP, I'd get rid.

If it was just the pissing in the garden I would have said it was a weird man thing. Many of them seem to get great satisfaction from weeing outdoors and I do not know why. If it was my partner I would likely have said I thought it was gross but it wouldn't be a major relationship issue. If it was a repeat thing it would be a weird quirk. The shouting and swearing when your kids are going to sleep (or any time the kids are around) is way worse. As is:

"yes he does have issues with drinking and temper. He doesnt do any parenting but yet i do it all wrong in his eyes"

Its not the alfresco peeing that's the main problem.

Also:
He was sneakily putting his beer cans in the recycling (thinks i didn't know he was drinking, he has issues)

You know that's not healthy?

I'd honestly end it. He is a shit husband, shit father, alcoholic, abusive and disgusting to boot. What exactly is he good for? You could do better and its bad for your kids to grow up seeing him like this. They're going to think it's normal for a partner to shout and swear at them after getting drunk. Do you want that for them? Because that's what you're modelling.

A pee into the bushes in a secluded part of the garden, as a last resort because he's desperate and the bathroom isn't free - that would be understandable.

But pissing on to a wall/concrete in a yard, right opposite the neighbours' yard, where your kids play out, because he couldn't be bothered to come indoors? Yes, that's gross. Anyone who has ever walked past a doorway or alley in a city where someone's had a pee will know that it doesn't just harmlessly drain away; it sits there and stinks.

Also, he's an aggressive alcoholic who shouts and swears at you in front of his child while you're trying to settle them in bed, which is a bigger issue than his hygiene.

He only gets like this when hes been drinking

Well, it's pretty clear that he isn't going to stop drinking, isn't it, so you need to leave him.

Ok heres the argument. I would say hes got a drinking problem from what ive read on here and asking others how much they/other halfs drink. He has one day off a week, sometimes no days off but during the week will bring home a four pack of the pint cans. Normally i dont see it as he sneaks it in under his coat/in a bag/puts one shopping bag under the table, but i know as he’s usually argumentative later on in the evening. Weekends he drinks more in pub/cans plus wine etc

he refuses to acknowledge that hes drinking to excess. He says, all his mates drink like this and im the weird one. If i say hes drank all week he denys it and gets really shouty. He sits in another room watching tv and i parent the LO.

What would you say?

I think him pissing in your garden is the least of your worries. You’ve said in this post he has alcohol issues and doesn’t pull his weight in the parental department. Why exactly are you with this waste of space? You’re showing your child that it is ok to be this type of person.

Men's urine isn't actually an effective deterrent against foxes at all - it just makes the garden stink.

More importantly, I really don't see why you're still with this man. He's an irresponsible, selfish alcoholic with all the joys that go with it.

Dump him.

When ive confided in his parents, theyve almost laughed off my claims of him drinking too much. Idk if thats to make me stay with him. Like they dont want the problem back! His other brothers also have alcohol issues

I would say it doesn't matter what he says. All that matters is your boundaries and what you're willing to live with. You're clearly unhappy with his behaviour and you can't change him so all that's left is what you want to do to move forward. What's in your control to change?

One person's normal is another person's too much. It doesn't matter how he compares it whether anyone else considers it too much. His behaviour towards you is not ok and is not how you want to live. You don't have to put up with it just because other people think it's ok. The end.

Yes you are right. I dont ever rant and rage like he does, slams doors and stomp around. Feels like we tread on egg shells at times

Jesus men can be fucking animals at times,

Wow, he sounds like a right prince😬

I'd be looking at my options to extract myself from a relationship like that, we women deserve better, even if that means going it alone.

Lazy with parenting, drinks too much, verbally abusive, gaslighting...
I think him peeing in the garden is the least of your worries @Janelle7 . Although it is disgusting and I have heard it can encourage rats.

Luckily its chucking it down here today so hopefully it will wash the piss away 🙄