Gross

[Janelle7]

AIBU to think this is gross. Caught H just about to go for a piss in the yard last night. He was sneakily putting his beer cans in the recycling (thinks i didnt know he was drinking, he has issues) and i was putting LO to bed. Their bedroom window faces the yard. I looked out the blind and he looked up at me, mid fly unzipping, getting into position and then we had a stand off. Eventually he zipped back up and stormed into the house. Its disgusting right? He then stormed upstairs and stood at LOs bedroom door and was shouting and swearing at me. Im angry as i was all peaceful getting LO to bed (he never does bed times) and there’s him ranting and raving. He only gets like this when hes been drinking 🤦🏻‍♀️

It's meant to deter foxes?? I did not know that.
We have a fox problem in our garden ......🤔

From the other side, I grew up in a shouty pissed home and it's had a huge impact on me.

As an adult, I am teetotal and hate being around drunk people, even if those people are perfectly nice.

This man sounds like a prick, and your kids will pick up on the environment.

I'd get rid.

Why are you with him OP? He's an aggressive alcoholic who doesn't parent his children. Surely they would be better off without him around.

I know. It wasnt always like this. In the last couple of years he seems to have fallen. I hate it and im miserable.

Do you work? Rent or buying ? Can you leave with your child this is a miserable life for you and he doesn’t care and it won’t get better.Start planning,good luck.

I do work full time. I have been looking into divorce but it all seems so costly and complicated 🥺

Goodbye?

What is the point of him?

Dump him

That's an insult to animals

What are your alternatives? To carry on in this environment, with no prospect of improvement and your kids exposed to this behaviour? Do you want this for the rest of your life?

A drunk man shouting and swearing at their bedroom door at bedtimes must be fucking awful for your kids.

Please tell him to get the fuck out and divorce this revolting alcoholic.

He might say that he isn’t drinking too much, but if he gets aggressive on it then it is too much.

Even if a thimble full made him act like that then it would be too much.

Some people can drink copious amounts without their personality changing. Some can’t drink very much at all without changing.

It sounds like he has an issue with alcohol if he gets aggressive on it and should stop.

On the bright side it'll keep the foxes away! But yeah...not nice. Any of it.

Nothing will be more costly than wasting your life with this drunk loser and ruining your children’s lives and ideas of healthy relationships in the future.

get the divorce.

If you're sister / brother or friend told you this was what was happening to them what would you advise them, to stay with their partner or to leave and create a better life for themself and their child?
You know deep down you need to leave this man, the relationship is not working for you and the effect it will be having on your child already or eventually will be horrible, they deserve to live a calm and settled life, something that they are not getting now as do you. I really hope you have family support and can see this relationship for what it is (abusive). Good luck I hope things work out for you.

I would say if it’s truly the normal behaviour he says it is then why does he feel the need to hide it?
And then I’d say, either you stop drinking to the point that you become abusive, get some help for alcoholism, or you go and live with your “mates”

Come on, it’s clear this isn’t ok.

You need to protect your child from this, and him.

Haha I don't even want to say this but I'm some culture weeing in the garden is very very normal. Nobody would do it on concrete, but in the garden corner? Why not? Do you think human urine stinks more than animals?

What culture has garden weeing as a thing?

He's clearly got a problem with alcohol. He's hiding it and drinking in volume nearly every night, which is not normal by anyone's standards.

I really feel sorry for you. He's become something you don't like and can't tolerate, and it's very hard to accept that. I wouldn't instantly divorce my husband if he developed an addiction, I'd give him a fair chance to clean up his act. But ultimately, if he's frightening you and the children, he needs to be out of the house.

It's a bit outing and I feel weird saying it as everyone so vehemently against it, but I'm from Africa and our men and boys definitely wee in the bush sometimes. Like they wouldn't necessarily go out of their house to wee in the garden but if they were outside anyway or on the farm tending to the animals they would wee outside. It wouldn't be frowned upon at all. Like if I'm potty training my son, I'd just let him wee in the garden.
I'm not going to state which African culture I'm from and I also don't pretend to know what all cultures in Africa does.
But I can promise you I've seen (obv not like the full shebang but they go to the corner ) my father, grandfather, brothers all weed in the garden on occasion

I'd be annoyed about it onto concrete, but onto soil or (as my mother used to encourage any make visitors, much to the embarrassment of teenage me,) on the compost heap - I'd be fine with that. You're not me, though, and you allowed your own boundaries.

Drinking too much and his temper would bother me, but I had an alcoholic parent, so I'm totally aware of how bad it can get and have the scars to prove it. However, if he doesn't think his drinking is a problem, he's unlikely to listen.

Goodbye.. is what i would say

Peeing in the yard is foul. I caught FIL doing it once here; he arrived for a visit and thought we weren't in because he didn't see the car, but I was in the kitchen and saw him walk around to the back patio and piss on the lawn. Half a fucking acre and he had to do it right outside the back door, marking his territory. Disgusting git.

That is hideous. Did you bang on the window??