Gross

[Janelle7]

AIBU to think this is gross. Caught H just about to go for a piss in the yard last night. He was sneakily putting his beer cans in the recycling (thinks i didnt know he was drinking, he has issues) and i was putting LO to bed. Their bedroom window faces the yard. I looked out the blind and he looked up at me, mid fly unzipping, getting into position and then we had a stand off. Eventually he zipped back up and stormed into the house. Its disgusting right? He then stormed upstairs and stood at LOs bedroom door and was shouting and swearing at me. Im angry as i was all peaceful getting LO to bed (he never does bed times) and there’s him ranting and raving. He only gets like this when hes been drinking 🤦🏻‍♀️

video the act next time..crop it .. then say.. my god look what’s going around the street what app

Sickening…. The only useful purpose of peeing outside is in a lemon or lime tree.

sorry he had a go at you and a child’s bedtime - no shame that man. .. poor show in his part ..

you know he has a problem when standards drop and self awareness is at an all time low.

Living with an alcoholics means your children are more likely to become alcoholics.

Did he wash his hands

Gross, but it might keep cats away….

So what are his redeeming qualifies? Alcoholics always lie about how much they drink. So if he says he’s drinking 4 pints a night, it’s probably double that. Does he work? Contribute to the house and kids? If not, you need to get rid. He will only get worse when the drinking increases more, which it will over time when he needs his fix.

He sounds like a keeper - NOT

In the circumstances you are describing, I doubt anyone would find that odd. Farmers in the UK don't nip back to the house if they are working away in the fields for example. The OP is describing an urban setting with easily accessed toilet facilities and a concreted/paved area where the urine wouldn't drain away/be absorbed into the earth

Your poor kids having to live with him. Poor you too but you have agency here - they don't.

Him going for a wee is the least of your problems.

He’s secretly drinking (has a drinking problem) and then shouting and swearing at you in front of your child.

You don’t need to worry about getting a divorce or anything yet, you just need to end things and live separately.

Whose name is on the tenancy?

It's the trying to conceal his drinking that's the real worry I'd say. Do you fully disapprove but he's addicted so unable to stop? Could you talk to him about how it affects you and the kids. Do it when he is comparatively sober if you can. Of course peeing in the yard isn't ideal. I have done it into a plant pot when the bathroom was busy and I couldn't hold it, but I don't have kids using the yard!

With the alcohol, id say he did openly drink in the house until it dawned on me that he was drinking ridiculous amounts. Since ive raised it and whether he has issues, its sent him underground! Its clear that when hes not drinking, its obvious- drinking lots of juice/tea etc vs drinking, never see his drink but his frequent trips outside to the recycle bin/opening cans quietly. If i pop out eg to a exercise class/shop he will go to his car and get beers out. Ive waited and watched him from my parked car

yeah, i wouldnt be against him pissing in the drain if the bathroom was full but it wasnt and he has form for doing this

That sounds pretty normal/understandable in those circumstances.
Also I do think (and supported by the anecdotes here) lots of men do have a thing about weeing outside, not just for convenience. Most women find it gross. We are right, it is gross. But if it wasn't for the other stuff I would have said just make him do it in the compost heap if he absolutely must, but the alcohol and the shouting sound like much bigger issues.

@Janelle7

1. drinking in secret/going to lengths to hide it from you
2. drinking makes him angry/argumentative
3. despite this he still drinks

I think that matters more than the amount. For context, I used to drink very little but found even a tiny amount made me very depressed the next day. So I stopped drinking altogether. If his drinking is having a negative effect on his wife and children (it is) and he doesn't stop he is either an addict or selfish (or both).

None of this is normal behaviour. He needs help for an addiction!

The shouting and swearing is the worst part

This has just reminded me my ex used to do this. We'd get back from the pub and he couldn't even make it into the house. He'd pee into the downpipe drain. Another reason to be happy he's an ex!

I'm an alcoholic in recovery and the moment when I was sneaking drinks outside and decided it made more sense to piss on the grass than stop drinking, was a big wake up call that saw me in AA about 2 months later.

Until he realises this it will just get worse and worse so please contact Al anon who support the family and friends of alcoholics. You need help otherwise he will ruin your and your kids lives

Thanks all, lots to think about

Peeing in the yard is minor.
Swearing and shouting near your child is major.
He needs to address his drinking.