To not let my daughter have TikTok

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Firstly I want to know how many of you have let your children have TikTok or Snapchat.

My DD is in year 7 and has been begging me for TikTok and Snapchat for almost a year. She is now the only one in her friendship group without it and it’s making her sad (she says).

To convince me to let her have it she says she will let me set it up and I can apparently monitor her account if she goes for the under 13s options.

She could have easily set up a secret account so I appreciate that she is asking me and respecting my word on it (mainly because I’ve told her mummy can see absolutely everything you do on that phone - so no dodgy stuff!).

AIBU to keep her off these platforms for as long as possible?

I’m thinking of letting her have an account that’s closely monitored but is that possible to manage at all!

@BoulderOpal I was in a mum group (mainly daughters friends) and we all agreed on not giving them social media and monitoring it. We shared some of the awful things we found from WhatsApp as some of them were being added into WhatsApp chats whereby the admins were grown people (from profile pic). There were about 200+ children and the image gallery was filled with porn! That was WhatsApp!! I’ve now found out all of these parents have let their children have tik tok and snap chat (or they are doing it behind their parents backs) because my daughter is constantly sharing all of the stuff they get up to and the bullying and fights that then move into the playground. It’s awful.

She recently wrote me a letter explaining why she wants access and how she will use it. So she clearly doesn’t have access yet (although I know her friends let her use their account and she searches on YouTube shorts). The communication is there between us so I’m looking to give in and have regular check ins and restrictions.

I’m currently looking at giving her access to snap chat and tiktok but want to set up her phone properly. I’ll be doing more research on how. So if anyone has apps that stop access after a certain amount of time etc please share.

we have iPhones and she is under my parenting account so I will take a look at that.

I agree with the parents that priorities communication over banning. The content and the control it has over us as adults is something that worries me. The studies on mental health and social media really need to come out as it’s crazy how oblivious many people are to it.

One of the big problems with Tik Tok is that the videos are so short and young people have been spending so much time on them that it is affecting their concentration span. They are struggling to concentrate even on videos/ films. There is a noticeable problem in schools. It's not just about the content.

So if anyone has apps that stop access after a certain amount of time etc please share
I use family link, can limit total screen time and also screen time by app so for instance you could allow 2 hours a day but limit snapchat or tiktok to 30 minutes. Though I'm not sure if all the features are available with iphones. There's qustido which works with all phones but I think you have to pay if you want decent features.

If you both have iPhones there’s family settings built in that can limit access to apps, websites etc and place limits on screen time. My DD’s phone shuts off at 9 bar Spotify.

Same age, neither.

Dd1 has a levels in the summer just chatting she’s downloaded an app that shuts down your phone and monitors the number of hours revision you do. You then see what how much revision/ phone shut down your mates have done too. Only my friends former wild child dd has revised more hours. They’re not daft these kids.

My dd and ds now 19 and 15 got access to Snapchat around age 13. No big deal just switched the maps off.

They are very well taught at school not to send anything stupid and what to do if they receive anything inappropriate.

I actually think they would be more at risk from not having access to things at a younger age when they can more safely learn under some supervision.

Why are people conflating messaging apps with TikTok?

None of my dc have been allowed tik tok, Facebook, twatter, Snapchat. Yes ' all friends have it ( do they really...) ' and ,,, ruined my life ( yawn)

We have a WiFi network that blocks WiFi access by tech device. We had custudio but ds disabled it - no idea how, its supposed to be impenetrable.

. Also family link and no phones upstairs which applies to any friends in the house too, AND downtime.

Real life parents tell me rhey wish they had never said yes to Snapchat and tok tok etc. Its easy. " NO dc, - Ask your school IT teacher or let's ask a copper if you think its not fair/ am paranoid. "

You say "it's easy" but I don't actually think it is as easy as you think.

I know parents who said they didn't allow various things, and some of them just ended up having no knowledge of what their kids were doing online - I could see from monitoring my dd's own accounts that their kids were active on social media despite parents said.

Sometimes, if parents are perceived to be unreasonable, kids will just go behind their backs. Better to strike a balance in my view - let them have some access, but monitor it carefully and have lots of discussions about how to use it sensibly.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves you are right it's not easy to stick to your guns!
It's not forever though, and one of my dc is thrilled never to have had an online presence. They see it as an asset.

My dd was bullied online in a school teams chat - not picked up by teacher- so we do chat a lot about it and follow media/ court cases/ bizarre stuff her friends whom are allowed access- and random people access to them get embroiled in.

It doesn't matter how aware your child is, it's not about them. It's about how much others and technology want to influence and use them for their own gain. Imo!