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AIBU?

To just want my children to grow up?

66 replies

Rainbowunicornsparkle · 07/02/2024 18:29

I know probably loads of people will tell me IABU and that I should enjoy it, days are long but years are short etc but right now I feel I just can’t wait for them to get older, not necessarily grown up and leaving home but maybe school age, 5 and 7? At the moment they are 6 months and 3. The baby is unsettled all the time, hates being held but cries if put down. The 3 year old is defiant and difficult, everything is a battle.

I just want to move on. No nappies, naps, weaning, nursery fees, broken nights, early mornings, exhaustion, I just hope there’s a more enjoyable time round the corner as I hate to say it but I’m really not loving being a mum to them at these ages.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

210 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
24%
You are NOT being unreasonable
76%
MajorCleven · 07/02/2024 18:31

5 and 7 isn't great either. I think ten or eleven is when it gets easier. And then harder again 😂 I get it though, you feel you're wishing your life away!

SecondHandFurniture · 07/02/2024 18:34

I can relate. Having a 1-3 year old was the pits. He can be difficult at 5, but he's out at school 5 days a week (free!), he goes to bed at 7 and mostly sleeps 11 hours, and is tall enough for fun stuff like theme parks. Plus I no longer constantly need a buggy/nappy bag/change of clothes.

Hang in there - the personal and physical freedom does come back!

PriOn1 · 07/02/2024 18:34

I was hugely relieved when we reached the stage that both mine could get in the car and put their own seatbelts on, and when the language barrier was a bit easier and it was possible to reason with them. You are absolutely not being unreasonable as it is relentless, even when you love them to pieces.

PSEnny · 07/02/2024 18:35

It will happen quicker than you realise, don’t wish the time away. I found every 6 months got easier. DD is almost 7 now and believe me there are other things that will frustrate you. Trying to do homework tonight and she just couldn’t grasp how to make an accurate estimate, I didn’t have to deal with that when she was 3!
But she can get dressed, read a book, express herself, put the tv on in the morning etc

I know it’s easy to say but try and enjoy it, you’ll miss elements of the young years when they’re older.

MigGirl · 07/02/2024 18:35

It's physically hard when they are little, but it just gets hard in different ways when they are older. Mine are 16&13 now, it is nice they have there own stuff now so I get more me time. But I'm a constant taxi service right now as mine do quite a few activities.

I actually do really enjoy them though especially the 16 year old, it's lovely to have virtual adult convictions with her and debate things. 😀

Naptrappedmummy · 07/02/2024 18:36

Oh God, I know exactly where you’re coming from. Mine are 4 and 10 months. The last 6 months has been the hardest of my life. I’m constantly on edge. I’m either waiting for the baby to wake from a nap or overnight, or having to constantly monitor their interactions because my oldest is a bit rough with her brother and they wind each other up. The baby just wants to cruise at the moment but seems to be pushing himself to try more dangerous stunts so I have to constantly hover ready to stop an accident. The 4 year old has become a moody teenager and while I adore her she can be so negative and whiny all the time it’s quite draining. Plus nappies, teething, colds, weaning, tantrums… is it any wonder I want to take up smoking again.

Rainbowunicornsparkle · 07/02/2024 18:36

It’s the relentlessness of it, definitely. Agreed they change a lot every six months. But that’s still a long time when you’re struggling to get through to bedtime if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
Sunnnybunny72 · 07/02/2024 18:38

I wished those years away too. I outsourced a lot of it to nursery and went back to work. It cost a fortune but never a single regret.
They're now 21 and 18. Those early years were still the hardest days by a mile.

VanLife33 · 07/02/2024 18:38

Mine are 7 and 8 and it's great! (Most of the time )

We can go out with our a massive fuss, I don't need a massive bad full of just in case stuff

They are nice and independent and I can sit and relax at the park instead of chasing everyone around! .

You're in the thick of it now, but it does get easier

Promise 💐

Barkybarkynutnut · 07/02/2024 18:39

I have a 17, 15 and 13 year old and it is so much easier. But I do miss some of the old days. I get what you are saying completely. Try not to look too much to the future tho cos you ll just get more frustrated. I miss those baby cuddles tho

Naptrappedmummy · 07/02/2024 18:40

Rainbowunicornsparkle · 07/02/2024 18:36

It’s the relentlessness of it, definitely. Agreed they change a lot every six months. But that’s still a long time when you’re struggling to get through to bedtime if you see what I mean.

Yes and bedtime seems to happen about 3 times a day, takes 4 hours and there’s a lot of mess to clean up after.

DanceMumTaxi · 07/02/2024 18:40

You’re in the hardest bit right now. It does get better. It was noticeable when mine got to 4 and 7.

ColdButSunny · 07/02/2024 18:40

I found the baby and toddler years the hardest by miles. And yes that includes the teen years!

LWSnow · 07/02/2024 18:41

I used to wish you could mix the ages up with a bit of time travel, 7 month old on one day, same child but ten the next day.

mamacorn1 · 07/02/2024 18:42

YANBU. We all go through this OP. Things will get easier and things will change. I found the younger phase so hard, now mine are 5 and 7, both at school and doing clubs - it’s difficult in its own way but easier than where we were a few years ago!
hang on in there- it will get better !

Mumof2NDers · 07/02/2024 18:43

ColdButSunny · 07/02/2024 18:40

I found the baby and toddler years the hardest by miles. And yes that includes the teen years!

Opposite for me. Mine were easier when they were little. Maybe it’s because they’re both ND that the teen years were/are hell!!

2mummies1baby · 07/02/2024 18:44

LWSnow · 07/02/2024 18:41

I used to wish you could mix the ages up with a bit of time travel, 7 month old on one day, same child but ten the next day.

That would be bloody amazing!

Bopk · 07/02/2024 18:44

Mine are all over 13 and I've cried many times waiting them to be babies again :(


The baby and toddler years were my favourite. I miss it so much. So much love and laughter.

Funbots · 07/02/2024 18:45

Ha, I could have written this about 7 years ago!! The relentlessness of the younger years was awful and I often longed for a time when things would be easier and my daughter would be more independent. She’s now nearly 7 and honestly I miss those days so much! When you think about it it is really just a short period of time in the 18 years they’re a child, but agree it feels never ending at the time.

JimBobsWife · 07/02/2024 18:45

I know it's a cliche but try not to wish the years away - they do go SO quickly. I've got a 14 yo and 11 yo and I think back wistfully to the younger years. While I get that it feels like a slog, if I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be to try and experience 'moments' and hold on to the memories. You're just in the thick of it so don't really consider what it will feel like to move on to the next stage, but I promise you will look back with nostalgia in years to come.

Keep up the good work, you're doing a great job!

mponder · 07/02/2024 18:46

Pre school and primary 😩😩

AhBiscuits · 07/02/2024 18:47

YANBU and I felt the same way when mine were that age. They are 6 and 8 now and honestly parenting them is a piece of cake. They go to bed at 7:30 and sleep all night, they go to school, you can have interesting conversations with them, play boardgames, eat in a restaurant without worrying about them disturbing everyone, days out without lugging a pushchair around.. It's great.

Mischance · 07/02/2024 18:49

I understand - it is hard. But mine ARE grown up and I wish I could turn the clock back and do it all again. I love the adults they have become and take great joy in them, of course, but I find it hard when I clock that there are so many things I cannot remember.

I am not unsympathetic to how difficult parenting young children is, but this will pass. Try and find one moment of joy in each day and inscribe it on your brain - there will be one, even if well hidden! Good luck.

Scab99 · 07/02/2024 18:50

I'm the total opposite! Mine are still so tiny and I already absolutely dread the thought of them being older and growing up. They're so infinitely tiny and precious to me, the thought that they won't be one day honestly breaks my heart 😭 they're with me and family for childcare (yes, so so lucky and I appreciate every second of it), but the thought of them being 'out' in the real world and therefore subject to unkindness, harm, cruelty from others etc just makes me so anxious and sad. I want to pause time to give myself time to soak it all in 😕

(yes I KNOW this is not healthy, and I KNOW I need to get a grip and stop being so silly and yes I am in therapy after severe medical trauma involving one of my children)

DorotheaHomeAlone · 07/02/2024 18:54

I think you’re fine to wish away the first year of having two with a small age gap. That is a very, very hard time and you are right in the thick of it. Things will be easier in a year and much, much easier in two or three years. Yes there are other challenges with older kids (mine are 4, 7 and 9 now) but nothing compares to that relentless grind of juggling a toddler and a baby. I miss my older two being little sometimes but nothing would compel me to live even a month of their first year over again.

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