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AIBU?

To just want my children to grow up?

66 replies

Rainbowunicornsparkle · 07/02/2024 18:29

I know probably loads of people will tell me IABU and that I should enjoy it, days are long but years are short etc but right now I feel I just can’t wait for them to get older, not necessarily grown up and leaving home but maybe school age, 5 and 7? At the moment they are 6 months and 3. The baby is unsettled all the time, hates being held but cries if put down. The 3 year old is defiant and difficult, everything is a battle.

I just want to move on. No nappies, naps, weaning, nursery fees, broken nights, early mornings, exhaustion, I just hope there’s a more enjoyable time round the corner as I hate to say it but I’m really not loving being a mum to them at these ages.

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Am I being unreasonable?

210 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
24%
You are NOT being unreasonable
76%
Mariposistaaa · 07/02/2024 20:59

Absolutely not unreasonable.
Get back to work OP if you're not already. Get some stimulation, wear nice clothes, have some adult conversation and use your brain cells and skills. You will feel heaps better.

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UtredSonOfUtred · 07/02/2024 21:01

I had 2 under 2 so there were some trying times, but I consider those years some of the happiest of my life, even if they were hard at times. I was lucky enough to be able to give up work and be a SAHM until our youngest started school, because I knew I’d regret missing out on those young years if I didn’t, but it was still tough at times, even though I chose it.
DC are 6 and 8 now, and it’s much easier in terms of logistics - fastening their own seatbelts, going out for a meal, taking them to the cinema / theatre, talking to them about school, all things I looked forward to so much. So I am enjoying them a lot at this age, and hope the best is still yet to come.
But those early years really were special - don’t wish them away too much!
Although sleep deprivation is the absolute worst…

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Rainbowunicornsparkle · 07/02/2024 21:08

Thanks all. I don’t want to sound as if I don’t love them and they are adorable but I don’t get a minute to myself and I do feel it.

Funnily enough last weekend we went to a park we don’t go to all that often and I remembered a day last June when I was very heavily pregnant and my friend and her little boy were walking and her little boy hared ahead and I couldn’t keep up so met them at the cafe and he’d already had an ice cream so had another then my little boy wanted one and it sounded so lovely - the day of two ice creams! - and the weather was beautiful and it probably looked idyllic. And this is the thing, it was but that was maybe an hour and the rest of the day was probably exhausting and if I’m honest quite lonely.

There are lovely moments but I do long for peace, for a moment to be still and think and take it all in and it just doesn’t happen!

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ragdoll12345 · 07/02/2024 21:09

When my DC were small I wished each stage would pass as it was hard (especially with my eldest) but the next stage bought it own issues. They are now both adults living in their own homes, obviously I no longer have the day to day caring roles but there are still worries and concerns. Being a parent is not easy.

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Tumbleweed101 · 07/02/2024 21:19

I thought you'd be referring to older children. My youngest two are 18 and 14 and I can't wait for them to be more independent - but I have been parenting for 25yrs now!

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Contraversialcate · 07/02/2024 21:22

I have 1,3 and 6 yo and nearly every day feel bad when I wish the time away! I also remind myself to enjoy it and that I will miss it one day! The constant conflict of motherhood lol

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MermaidMummy06 · 07/02/2024 21:24

I thought the exact same thing. Mine are 7&11 now, and some things are easier as they can do more for themselves & we have nice conversations. I see babies and am relieved mine are older now.

There are new challenges, though. Friendships, the oldest now won't hug me in public, activities are more demanding, (and expensive) and they're starting to notice brand names & what their friends have, etc. The simple life has gone.

I'm not maternal, and used to be desperate for my DC to get to adulthood - mostly because everyone boasts about how 'theirs are grown & they are free while we had ours late and are still stuck'. But I see photos of DC when little, and now, and realise how fast time has gone. I decided, too late, I think, to enjoy the DC instead, and make time for that enjoyment, before the world takes them away to chart their own path, rather than focusing on the challenges they bring at every age. It works well for me as my DC become more about our relationships than the relentless work, money, and life restrictions.

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CreatingChaos · 07/02/2024 21:26

It’s it is fine to hate it and it is fine to wish these days away. They are tough. As far as I was concerned it just got better and better as they got older and that includes the teen years. Hang in there. It will improve

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Rainbowunicornsparkle · 07/02/2024 21:27

They are very sweet and snuggly but both going through different difficult stages. My three year old seems angry, defiant and obnoxious this week. It isn’t all of the time and he’s sometimes lovely, but other times perfectly reasonable requests made nicely are met with NO - point blank refusal. He refused to get into the car this morning which left me standing like an idiot outside wondering what to do - the baby was inside on her own, I couldn’t leave him there. Arghh. Thankfully he complied but it’s things like that which really annoy me. I get it’s normal but when it happens multiple times it’s frustrating.

The baby seems grouchy and unsettled. If I sit down holding her she cries and squirms to be free but if I put her down it doesn’t take long until she cries. Her naps are all over the place due to the older ones schedule / nursery runs so I don’t even get chill time while she’s asleep.

Ds (despite being quite rude this week Sad) is a lot easier than he was though. So only 2 and a half years to go!

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Omma23 · 07/02/2024 21:29

“Relentless” is the word for it. I completely hear you. I love my LO to bits, but just want a six year old now. As others have said, every stage comes with challenges, but I think people forget the absolute sheer relentlessness of pre-school age children. There is no respite whatsoever, day or night. Sure, there are glimmers of nice moments, and I’m sure people would shoot me for saying this but the good really doesn’t outweigh the bad at this age. I wouldn’t change having a child, but it is the hope of having a child that will one day be able to communicate, regulate their emotions, and just not depend on me for absolutely every little thing that keeps me going.
I don’t think this makes me a bad mother. It’s okay to not like every stage of parenting.

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WafflesOrIceCream · 07/02/2024 21:30

My DD is 11 and I wish she was small again.

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Rainbowunicornsparkle · 07/02/2024 21:30

Yes, totally. There are lovely moments but also it’s difficult to enjoy the lovely moments properly as your head is always full with managing lunch and toilet visits and change of pants and feeds and naps!

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VladimirVsVolodymyr · 07/02/2024 21:58

@Rainbowunicornsparkle I had the exact age gap and they're now 11 and 8.5 (plus a 2.5 year old 😂
It is quite intense at the stage you're at but another 3-6 months and they will be start playing with each other. Really enjoy your babies because before you know it you'll be doing school runs, play dates, birthday parties and extracurricular activities.

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Reachingforchocolate · 07/02/2024 22:08

Ah I remember those days. It was hard. I remember being so utterly exhausted and dds tantrums. I also remember people telling me to enjoy it as they grow up so fast but I was simply too knackered to enjoy it.

And yet suddenly mine have grown up and it really happened in the blink of an eye. Mine are 19 and 15 now. Eldest is living away at uni, youngest barely speaks to me. I miss them. No wise words of wisdom I’m afraid but for what is worth, I sympathise.

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SomethingWycked · 07/02/2024 22:28

The problems just change as they get older. My DS is 13 & it's all gaming, mobile phone use & homework issues. Last week I was yet again wishing he was 9 again without a mobile phone, loved playing with lego & loved school!

But I hear you, baby years are tiring & seem relentless.

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Contraversialcate · 08/02/2024 19:40

It feels like we know we should enjoy the baby/ young years yet are too tired to do so as it is so relentless! What a tricky situation. I’m off to bed shortly lol! I have 1, 3 and 6 year olds. I love them with all that I am but god I wish for an hours peace sometimes!

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