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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get drunk(ish) with my dd

55 replies

Member786488 · 06/02/2024 18:13

My dd is coming up for 18. She, like myself, likes a few cocktails, g&t, the odd vape… I however am in my 50s and know it’s bad for me, so moderate and reign it in when i need to. And she doesn’t know I vape.

I’d love to take her out after her birthday and really enjoy the evening with her, but is that a bad idea, morally speaking, in the model I’m showing her.
I’m her mother, not her friend. Would it be ‘wrong’, wibu, to have this type of evening with my 18yo dd? Or would it be ok ‘just this once.’

OP posts:
Whattheflipflap · 06/02/2024 18:14

Absolutely fine to go out with your 18 year old for a cocktail for their eighteenth birthday

ChesterFoxE · 06/02/2024 18:15

Of course its OK. Go and enjoy yourselves.

CountFucula · 06/02/2024 18:15

Have a cocktail or two! BUT don’t get drunk. Kids, even really big ones, do not like to see their parents pissed. Truth.

Fionaville · 06/02/2024 18:16

So she'll be 18? Yes, I'd go on a nightout with her. Assuming you aren't mooning out the window of a taxi or peeing down an alley, there's no bad examples being set. I'd draw the line at picking up men too (for either if you) that would be a bit yuck.

Rachie1973 · 06/02/2024 18:17

I bought my daughter her first legal drink in a pub, in fact I socialise with my adult kids when we can. We don’t all get together a lot, so really enjoy it.

tulippa · 06/02/2024 18:19

A couple of drinks is fine and will probably be a lovely bonding experience. The vaping isn't great though. Unless you've been giving up smoking which I guess she'd know about?

Gloriousgardener11 · 06/02/2024 18:19

Yes go out and have a nice drink but remember you are her Mum and so getting bladdered isn’t really the thing you want to be aiming for.
Nobody wants to see their parent pissed, it so embarrassing!

Lorelaigilmore88 · 06/02/2024 18:21

Of course its okay, go out and have fun!

MermaidEyes · 06/02/2024 18:22

I regularly socialise with my adult daughter, husband and friends.

FictionalCharacter · 06/02/2024 18:23

CountFucula · 06/02/2024 18:15

Have a cocktail or two! BUT don’t get drunk. Kids, even really big ones, do not like to see their parents pissed. Truth.

I agree!

Isthisexpected · 06/02/2024 18:24

A cocktail yes! Why vape though?

Throwawayme · 06/02/2024 18:24

I love having a drink with my mum and have loved it since I was 18! Absolutely take her out

CuteCillian · 06/02/2024 18:26

I can't understand why you hide the fact you vape from your adult offspring.

PonyPatter44 · 06/02/2024 18:27

If it was a man saying he wanted to take his son for a pint in the pub, literally noone would bat an eyelid. Go for some fancy cocktails with your DD and I hope you both have a fab time.

My DD is a few years older than yours, has a good job, and now SHE pays for the cocktails!

Leakingtoilet · 06/02/2024 18:27

I often drink and go out with my adult DC, we all enjoy it!

DazedandConcerned · 06/02/2024 18:29

I am nearly 40 and still love a good piss up with my mum. Go for it! It’s a bonding experience.

ObliviousCoalmine · 06/02/2024 18:31

CuteCillian · 06/02/2024 18:26

I can't understand why you hide the fact you vape from your adult offspring.

Embarrassment, hopefully.

Danielle9891 · 06/02/2024 18:34

That sounds great, she's an adult now so there's nothing wrong with it. It's nice that the two of you obviously have a great relationship. It's not something I'd have done with my mum but hopefully when my daughter grows up we can have a relationship like this and have fun together.

I remember going to university and there were always them 19/20 year olds that had to hide from their parents that they drink alcohol, these were always the ones that went over the top and got blind drunk. At least you can teach her to drink responsible and keep an eye on her if you're there.

teenagetantrums · 06/02/2024 18:34

I'm in my 50's been drinking with my parents since l was probaley about 16. I have a drink with my adult kids when we socialise and took both mine for thier 1st legal drink. I don't see the problem at all, just don't get falling down drunk..

Noicant · 06/02/2024 18:39

CountFucula · 06/02/2024 18:15

Have a cocktail or two! BUT don’t get drunk. Kids, even really big ones, do not like to see their parents pissed. Truth.

This

5128gap · 06/02/2024 18:42

Depends on what your DD would want and expect from you. I go out with my adult DC, but tbh I am different than I would be when out with friends. Because while I don't show it outwardly, in my head, I'm mum. So I've got half an eye on whether they've had too many, if they've been gone too long in the loo, how we're getting home after, not going OTT with my mum dancing. All of which means I would drink very little myself. It's very lovely to be out with them, we have great fun, but I do make sure there's no surprises or embarrassments in the way I behave.

GentlemanJay · 06/02/2024 18:43

Go for it. If you both get a bit drunk, so what.

JustWonderingIfImNormal · 06/02/2024 18:46

I’d say go for it. You will have lots of fun and it will be something for you to remember.

itsmyp4rty · 06/02/2024 18:46

It can't be 'just this once' though can it? If you vape then she'll know you vape forever. So I'd skip that but why not go out for a nice meal and have a few cocktails with it? The food will stop you getting too drunk and you will be modelling perfectly reasonable behaviour. Getting shit faced though would be a no.

OnlyFannys · 06/02/2024 18:49

Absolutely do that! I can't wait to go out for cocktails when my dc is old enough! Slight caveat on not getting too drunk tho, my mum recently drank too much whisky and started telling me in great detail how much she used to sleep around when she was younger and it was honestly information I could have lived without 🙈

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