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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get drunk(ish) with my dd

55 replies

Member786488 · 06/02/2024 18:13

My dd is coming up for 18. She, like myself, likes a few cocktails, g&t, the odd vape… I however am in my 50s and know it’s bad for me, so moderate and reign it in when i need to. And she doesn’t know I vape.

I’d love to take her out after her birthday and really enjoy the evening with her, but is that a bad idea, morally speaking, in the model I’m showing her.
I’m her mother, not her friend. Would it be ‘wrong’, wibu, to have this type of evening with my 18yo dd? Or would it be ok ‘just this once.’

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 06/02/2024 18:50

Go for it. Me and my mum used to do this when I was 16-22, get a little drunk, have a good chat and a dance. She died of cancer when I was 24 and those are some of my favourite memories, still love having a little dance to her favourite songs when they come on. Having fun with people you love is what life’s all about, go for it!

Wouldnt let my 17 year old vape personally, but I no it’s hard to control.

Original poster
Member786488 · 06/02/2024 18:53

@CuteCillian because I’m not proud of it, I tell her not to do it, and I don’t want her to know I’m a hypocrite. bloody awful things.

OP posts:
Fannyfiggs · 06/02/2024 18:53

I have had thee best nights out with my mum since I was 18 and have many many stories and fantastic memories from holidays and nights out.

So go for it and have a blast 🎉

Mermaidsarereal · 06/02/2024 18:58

I used to love going out drinking with my mum and her mates when I turned 18, they were much more up for a laugh than my friends who were only really out to pull or pose for pictures constantly. I'm sure your daughter will be happy to go out with you.

ThatNeedyLurker · 06/02/2024 19:00

Nothing wrong with this. It's pretty standard for men to have a pint with their sons.

SheerLucks · 06/02/2024 19:06

CountFucula · 06/02/2024 18:15

Have a cocktail or two! BUT don’t get drunk. Kids, even really big ones, do not like to see their parents pissed. Truth.

This.

After a 'few' cocktails I'd be pretty uninhibited - that's at least six shots of spirit, and I'm not sure I'd like to show that side of myself to my teens.

Having said that, I got very tipsy on wine on a mini-break with extended family last year. Me and DD16 stayed up late and were the last to bed, and she filmed me weaving and giggling my way up the stairs, and still regularly watches the video for a giggle!

lifeispainauchocolat · 06/02/2024 19:08

I've regularly gone out for drinks with my mum since becoming an adult.

But agree with everyone saying not to get more than a little tipsy!

Jennyjojo5 · 06/02/2024 19:21

Member786488 · 06/02/2024 18:13

My dd is coming up for 18. She, like myself, likes a few cocktails, g&t, the odd vape… I however am in my 50s and know it’s bad for me, so moderate and reign it in when i need to. And she doesn’t know I vape.

I’d love to take her out after her birthday and really enjoy the evening with her, but is that a bad idea, morally speaking, in the model I’m showing her.
I’m her mother, not her friend. Would it be ‘wrong’, wibu, to have this type of evening with my 18yo dd? Or would it be ok ‘just this once.’

I drink with my 18 and 22 years old on special occasions eh holidays, xmases, dinners out etc. we find it fun! But then I’m a super relaxed mum so they enjoy it too. No harm in it

KennedyFeets · 06/02/2024 19:30

Dont get drunk with her, 2 cocktails max.

Mrsttcno1 · 06/02/2024 20:03

Oh honestly go for it! I’m 26 now and have gone drinking with my mum and also my nan since being 18, we always have a lovely time!🤣

Beezknees · 06/02/2024 20:08

CountFucula · 06/02/2024 18:15

Have a cocktail or two! BUT don’t get drunk. Kids, even really big ones, do not like to see their parents pissed. Truth.

Never bothered me seeing mine drunk.

momager1 · 06/02/2024 20:09

My daughter is not my friend.. I am her mum, BUT by god do we have fun once in a while. I will always be her mother and really object to the whole "best friend" thing, but now she is an adult, we can have adult fun together. She is 35 now and while we are close, she has her own friends. I am just mum. A nutter mum sometimes but it works.

tiggergoesbounce · 06/02/2024 20:13

Go out and enjoy yourselves - i would not get drunk though. I would show her you dont need to get drunk to have a good time, and you can have a few drinks without getting drunk. It sets a good example without her even knowing 😁

And yes, i get why you hide your vaping, be seen to be leading from the front 🤣

KreedKafer · 06/02/2024 20:13

2 cocktails max

Oh, do get over yourself. Two cocktails ‘max’ is not a night out.

TeaKitten · 06/02/2024 20:14

momager1 · 06/02/2024 20:09

My daughter is not my friend.. I am her mum, BUT by god do we have fun once in a while. I will always be her mother and really object to the whole "best friend" thing, but now she is an adult, we can have adult fun together. She is 35 now and while we are close, she has her own friends. I am just mum. A nutter mum sometimes but it works.

She’s 35 why can’t you be friends? Makes sense when they’re kids but as adults you absolutely can be best friends with someone that you love and is also family.

momager1 · 06/02/2024 20:20

@TeaKitten we shop, have lunches out and enjoy each others company. HOWEVER, when push comes to shove, and she has an argument with her husband or one of her now teens stresses her, she has me, as her mum to comfort her and give her advice. I should not have said that we are not friends.. I guess we are, but I LOVE the fact that I am her mother and feel that trumps any friendship relationship.

Posithor · 06/02/2024 20:21

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to! I have the best night's with my mam and aunties!

TeaKitten · 06/02/2024 20:22

momager1 · 06/02/2024 20:20

@TeaKitten we shop, have lunches out and enjoy each others company. HOWEVER, when push comes to shove, and she has an argument with her husband or one of her now teens stresses her, she has me, as her mum to comfort her and give her advice. I should not have said that we are not friends.. I guess we are, but I LOVE the fact that I am her mother and feel that trumps any friendship relationship.

That’s a much nicer way of putting it and sounds lovely. You’re ‘really objecting’ to the whole best friends thing came across a bit detached really.

Trulyme · 06/02/2024 20:24

CountFucula · 06/02/2024 18:15

Have a cocktail or two! BUT don’t get drunk. Kids, even really big ones, do not like to see their parents pissed. Truth.

I completely agree.

I’m definitely going to take my DD for a fun cocktail when she turns 18 and will join her in having one but there’s no way I’d get drunk around her.

You want to teach her that alcohol is absolutely fine, as long as it’s in moderation.

I wouldn’t vape around her if she doesn’t know and if you want her to stop.

Mumof2NDers · 06/02/2024 20:27

Go for it! Have a few cocktails and enjoy each others company.
Don’t, however, go to a festival with her, get rotten falling over drunk and then when you wake up carry on drinking because if you don’t sober up you can’t get a hangover! Don’t do that 😀

surlycurly · 06/02/2024 20:30

I took my daughter out in her 18th. I was a bit sentimental about the whole thing and wanted it to be just her and me, the way it was the night she arrived in the world. We had a lovely family meal during the day and then had a great night in a fancy cocktail bar. Neither of us got drunk but it was fun. I did, however, get utterly hammered with her one night before Christmas and don't remember coming home. I won't be doing that again! I'm the maw!!

momager1 · 06/02/2024 20:40

@TeaKitten I agree, it may have sound detached and I think I did not explain myself well. I have a best friend. When my husband pisses me off or I am worried about something, I confide in her as she does me. I would never tell my daughter that her daddy was being a pain in the arse, or that I was worried about how to pay something. I just feel that I am her mum. Her safe space, and being a protective parent really never ends. I think that is what I mean by being put out when I hear about mother and daughter "besties" In only MY opinion, mothers will always be mothers, so enjoy our daughters (and granddaughters) company, but my role will always be Mum. To each their own. My daughters best friend since they were 8, recently had to call my daughter to her house to watch her kids, as her bestie (mum) was falling down drunk somewhere and had called her for help. If my best friend did this I would be there in a shot. If my mother had of done this, I would have really lost all respect for her. Just my feeling. What works for me may not work for every family , but my daughter and I do fine with it.

theduchessofspork · 06/02/2024 21:53

Tipsy fine

Ratarsed nope

Ilikedoughnuts · 06/02/2024 22:06

Go and have a lovely time! I don't see my parents often so when either of us visits we'll go out, normally a couple of bars and a restaurant.

Allwelcone · 06/02/2024 22:18

Go and enjoy it!!*

*keep it classy