To think the first half of your life is the best part?

[Imissmanchesterrain]

Apologies for sounding so pessimistic, but when I think about the future now, I can’t see many pluses..Dh and I will get older, my parents will pass away, well enjoy watching Dd grow, but then she’ll leave and then what.
Im 45 and up until a few years ago, I never felt this way. The first half of my life was exciting, mainly full of fun and promise, so much to look forward to
Wouldnt life be better lived the other way around, like it gets better and better?

My gran used to refer to it as moving into The Less.

She said that the first half your life was about more - you slowly gained strength, ability, money, knowledge.

Then you moved into The Less and slowly lost it all again!

I'm living your gran's theory 😒 Had an absolutely brilliant time "more-ing" until my mid-forties, then everything crashed down at once and I belatedly discovered I have a chronic illness.

There is joy to be found, and I go looking for it, but my life is nothing like as fun, interesting, challenging or rewarding as before. I've got friends who definitely are living their best lives past 60, though. It's the luck of the draw.

My high school years were absolutely horrendous, then after uni, it took me some years to get a job that would allow me financial security.

Definitely not. I'm 55 and the last ten -12 years have been my best. I'm looking forward to the future.

I am in my late fifties but although I try and have fun, go out, meet people and travel, the last seven years has been very tough.
In the last seven years both my parents and in laws have died, with frequent visits to hospitals beforehand. Two friends have died young of cancer. My Aunt died and an inspirational boss. I have been made redundant twice, my DH has been bullied at work and left in the end causing real issues with our finances, my DH was ill and I needed to look after him for 2 months. Basically a shit storm.

And what I see for the future is ill health and more bereavements. I will have fun and try to enjoy life, but I wish I could rewind to my forties.

47 here and can kind of see what you’re saying but at the same time I try to dwell on the positives. My kids are teens so life is a bit easier now - they are less dependent, my husband and I can go out for a nice meal just the 2 of us and leave them for a few hours. We have more money than we did 10 years ago and mortgage will be paid off in 7 years. I want to travel more and I love to be active, do things that scare me and I enjoy seeing my friends and weekends away. There is no pressure to be beautiful- I like to look nice and look after myself but I’m only doing it for myself no one else. Yes I have got ageing parents that may become more dependent but I am grateful to still have them and I’m grateful to have the luxury of hopefully getting older. There’s still so much I won’t to do and see so that’s what I’m focusing on.

@DutchCowgirl I'm so sorry for your loss. 💐

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. You have more power than you might think, you just have to work out what you want and figure out how many steps it will take you to get there. How old are you? If in peri age that can really unbalance you. Lots of B12, I know it sounds crass but it helped me a lot in my early 40s.

I am now in a life that makes me happy but it was hard won. I feel lucky to still be here. Can you think of anything that makes you feel happy or grateful? That’s the starting point. Hugs to you 💐

Nearly all of my role models are over 40, so I have to disagree.

The trick appears to be to not get comfortable / settle and to continue striving and trying to better yourself. The people I look up to most tend to ‘lean in’ to hard work, be it professionally or running marathons in middle age. They never stop having goals and going after those goals.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I hope someone in the thread has said something helpful to you 🌿🌳

We retired at 55. Mortgage gone. Two sons grown up, married and living close by. Two grandsons. See them all very frequently My mum is 84 but still fit and well. She went to New York last year for the Opera season. We can do what we want when we want. We look after our eldest grandson one day a week. I went back to college when I retired. Studied what I had wanted to study at 16 but had been persuaded not to. We are 58 and 61 now. Life is absolutely brilliant. My younger years were full of divorce, being a skint single parent,working as a supply teacher. My father was ill for years and suffered a slow and awful death . My fifties have been the best years of my life so far.

Totally agree. I feel it's such a privilege to be here, I find it's much easier for life to be what you make it in my 40s.

Forties was my best decade ever. Fifties have been very tough.

Nearly fifty here, and I feel the exact opposite. Every decade has got better and better as I understand myself better, care less about what other people think, and so I make better choices about what will make me happy. I’m excited for the future, for a little more financial freedom, for career things taking off in a new direction, and whatever I don’t know is coming. Of course there are sadnesses, too, with friends and family dealing with bad health, bereavements, and my own issues. But in general, I am way better placed to cope with these things.

Mixed feelings tbh, I'm 49. Over the past 18 months I've lost my Dad, my Uncle and my Auntie and had breast cancer, which was thankfully caught early and I've now finished treatment. I dont mind that my kids have got older but wonder if me and my DH will ever have a period when we can be a bit carefree. We both also lost a parent relatively young as well. Despite having had cancer, I still worry that my pension pot is so small and that I wont be able to retire if I get to that age. Think tbh I'm still coming to terms with a lot at the moment, but I think there's a lot to be said for still wanting to learn things and go to places (which I do). I'm trying to move forward with life and make plans, even though some days I could cry cause I wish it was still 1996 when I was young, the world was my oyster and I believed I and my parents were invincible. Also agree about hormones, unfortunately I'm on Tamoxifen for the next 5 years, but its the safest thing so I'm managing the side effects as best I ccan.

Being 71 is not that old though if you are in good health. 91 yes.

And after 45 you are wiser, know your own mind, kids are adults nearly etc. So good! They can maybe drive.
Also after menopause I hear the energy does return.

I had a lovely start in life - happy childhood due to loving and financially secure parents, loved uni, travelled a lot, good relationships in 20s.

Settled with dp which was wrong decision, but had lovely dc. i absolutely loved the baby and younger years, and dread them growing up and away, leaving me with just dp.

Now late 40s, still Primary age dc, and feel similar to you. Lost one parent and now losing another, which has been awful. Financially secure, but not if I leave dp which is inevitable eventually.

I think my view of later life is coloured by my parents, 1 of whom sadly became ill by 60, the other became a carer, and then ill themselves. Their life after 60 has been awful, and awful for me to witness/ help with.

I've found my 40s really tough, and just have to hope I have better health. Odds are stacked at either never becoming a grandparent myself, or not til old age, so don't look at that on the horizon either. Sorry to be so gloomy!

I don't agree.

I came from a wealthy background. Me and my sister were apparently two of 'the best looking girls in the city'.

But all I remember of my teens and 20s is horrible insecurity at the hands of awful sexist men and competitive women.

This seemed to carry on even into my 40s after children, but amazingly after I've grown older and slightly bigger I've found lovely, true friends, a lot of them in fact.

Both my parents died in 2022, which was utterly devastating, but even that created a confidence in me I never knew I had. I don't sweat the small stuff now and by appreciating all the good, however small or seemingly insignificant, I am without a doubt infinitely happier now.

@Boomboom22 Average life expectancy is only about 84 years old, so objectively 71 is old as on average people have only just over a decade left to live.

My honest impression is the middle years are the hard ones. 40's, typically more responsibilities at work, dc no longer in the cute stage and there's a bit more talking back , a bit of sandwich generation - caring for parents and dc. Not retired so no free time. I think things get easier again - more freedom etc., as long as you can retire in good enough health.

I'm 57 but looking forward to winding down at work and my daughters having children of their own. Plus paying off the mortgage. Plus I've got established friends and don't have to fret about any of that stuff now. There's always something to be happy about.

Disagree. IMHO life gets better and easier as you go through it. Usually you are better off financially, established in a career and a relationship by 40. This brings you better opportunities and more confidence and resources when dealing with future difficulties.

You know who you are and what you want out of life and the major difficulties have been worked through, so a lot of the tension just goes.

My parents are dead. No mortgage for several years. DS both at uni and semi independent. DH and I are retiring at 55 and health allowing, will then start spending, I invested an inheritance for this very reason. DH is likely soon to get a sizeable one.
Twenty years then of pleasing ourselves and seeing the world.
It's all to come, god willing.

I think the tricky part of your 50's is dawning realisation that you are running short on the time you have to make big changes for the later years.
By that I mean that if you aren't financially secure already with a decent pension pot, those dreams of travel are probably just dreams. And the body becomes less accommodating to poor lifestyle choices, so it's much more of a slog to change your ways than when you were younger.
You get more reminders around you of the fragility of life. Friends losing their health. Parents declining in health and dying. It all comes into close focus rather than being something you can put off thinking about.
That being said you know yourself better, are more accepting of yourself, and have less pressures on you. You slowly transform from always looking after others to having others wanting to look after you.
I like to think a bit more nowadays about future proofing for myself as much as I can, and trying to do what I can to help and support others going through tricky times with ageing parents or health worries of their own.
It does you no good to look inward all the time.

@gettingalife82 I loved this. What are the quotes from?