To think the first half of your life is the best part?

[Imissmanchesterrain]

Apologies for sounding so pessimistic, but when I think about the future now, I can’t see many pluses..Dh and I will get older, my parents will pass away, well enjoy watching Dd grow, but then she’ll leave and then what.
Im 45 and up until a few years ago, I never felt this way. The first half of my life was exciting, mainly full of fun and promise, so much to look forward to
Wouldnt life be better lived the other way around, like it gets better and better?

I think that it's important to keep interests and seek out new ones. I enjoy time spent with my GC, I now can go to more shows than I could when younger and I've got lists of stuff that I still want to do. It could be peri starting but you'll come out the other side.

I agree not a care in the world really till. My mum died when I was 43. I started being very aware of my own mortality and especially since I have a young son I was 42 when he was born in 50 this year.
I can't face working another 16 year till retirement but with the cost of living crisis I can't save anything towards my retirement. I'm a nurse not in the nhs and I just can't see me working past 55. I feel utterly depressed

My middle years were the worst. The excitement of youth gone and aging parents in poor health who took so much time and energy whilst my career was at its most demanding.

What nobody ever says is that menopause doesn't last forever....you come out of the other side of it and the relief is immense.

When my parents died I was free. That sounds awful, but it is true. I was free to start again in my mid 50s and life became more exciting than it had ever been. I left my job, retrained in a field that was my passion, started a business with my husband, traveled, bought a dump of a house and made it home, got a dog and made lots of new friends. 10 years on and my days are filled with what I choose, not what is forced on me by family commitments, career paths or society.

Freedom from the treadmill of ticking off the milestones (getting a house, getting married etc) enables you to create life as you want to live it.

David Bowie said, "Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been." and he's right.

If I had to live either the first half of my life twice, or the second half twice I would definitely choose this later stage. Lots of knowledge gained, a marriage and friends strengthened by a lifetime of love and - to be frank - no more fucks to give either.

The only thing that makes me feel like that is the fact that my parents are in their mid seventies now, and I absolutely dread losing them, or seeing them in declining health, both of which are inevitable. I can't look forward without thinking of that, but basically I'm fine with everything else.

I had a health issue a few years ago which took away my confidence that I would reach old age, and it made me look differently at pensioners. Before that I felt sorry for them but now when I see a group of little old dears drinking tea and cackling I think "I hope that is me and my friends in 30 years".

That's really interesting, thanks. Being stuck in first adulthood definitely resonates. I'm not enacting them, but definitely daydreaming about affairs and exciting travel 😅 So what's there to do in second adulthood and how do you get there?!

I think what's tricky for most in their 40s nowadays is the feeling of 'being stuck' with a mortgage, job and young, dependent kids. Which is kind of at a head with the desire to live life to its full potential whilst still young and healthy enough to enjoy it.

Ah, you see I HATED my teens and twenties. I wasn't attractive, was awkward and socially weird so nobody was going to cut me any slack, I hadn't achieved anything and, despite a degree of ambition, had no real idea what I wanted to do with my life.

Marriage and then raising five children solo gave me much more confidence in myself and my capabilities. It was hell through my thirties with five children in seven years all with degrees of difficulties and behavioural tics, but then as they started to grow up and grow into themselves, to buy houses and find jobs and partners, I got more time. I'm not retired, but I have time to read, time, as I said, to write, time to walk and look at the countryside. I'm only responsible for myself and so I can cut my cloth according to my needs. I'm no longer having to spend out on other people or clean up after others, which means I don't live with that low-grade resentment that I had when younger.

I’m early 40s. I had a difficult childhood, my teens were confused and depressed, my 20s were wasted on an abuser, my 30s were ruined by physical and mental health problems and the fallout from being with the abuser. I’ve now got my life back together, DC are getting towards adulthood and I’ve just met a wonderful new partner. I’m hoping my life is on the up.

@TheYearOfSmallThings Yes I think this is what’s at the heart of it, mine are early-mid too
And I think about it a lot

No. Hates my life till I was 41... I sofa surfed, no child, no security. Teenage years weren't great. I love love my life now aged 48. Best years has been from 41 till now...

I feel like this.

I think I hit my high point at work a few years ago, and can't see me ever being that happy and fulfilled again.

I'm pretty bored of DH but trying hard not to be, as that could lead to a whole host of problems really.

Have a teen with autism and I don't know what her early adulthood will look like.

It mostly feels like a downhill slide from here on in. I've forced myself to find new hobbies which I'm really loving, but it feels like killing time. I mean FFS, hobbies? Is that what I've got to look forward to?

I want to look and feel and be young and vital and excited and full of possibilities.

As many others have said, I’m enjoying the second half more.
I’m 50. My career has now reached a point where I am proud of what I’ve achieved and excited by what I’m doing, with prospects for further career progression too. I’m earning more than ever before - not a fortune but I do have some disposable income now whereas In my teens and twenties I was drifting through low-paid no-prospects jobs and constantly struggling and in debt.
I’m tons more confident than I used to be, much wiser, plus I got rid of the alcoholic abusive wanker of a DH I was saddled with in my first adulthood and bagged myself a truly lovely life partner.
My beautiful babies are now fabulous teenagers and I am very excited to see the adults they are going to be.
I can see retirement somewhere on the horizon (only just!) and I am looking forward to it but not desperate to get there as I am enjoying my career right now. Just hope I don’t die or get I’ll before I get there - I have known people my age who have now sadly gone and it makes me grateful every day for my life and my continued health.

On average, people get happier again after their mid-40s

In my forties living my best life. Life is what you make of it.

So what's there to do in second adulthood and how do you get there?!

I know many people who had some kind of mid life crisis. Late 40s early 50s seems to be a period of reflection and rebirth. You get the chance to look hard at yourself, deal with the issues that have been visited on you, break habits, go a little crazy. It's like you pop the bubble of the past. A mid life crisis is nature's way of making you analyse yourself at that stage and, if you do it honestly rather than just buying a motorbike and having an affair, you come out the other side different, knowing yourself better and free of all those things that have held you back.

As to what is there to do in second adulthood? Well whatever you want. Mother Theresa got a Nobel prize at 69 and Barbara Hillary made it to the North and South Pole in her 70s, my lovely mum had no education as a girl but studied and passed A levels in her sixties.

It ain't over until it's over. All the moments of your life are equally precious.

Things don't always get better - but you can.

Hell no I don’t feel anything like you do. The world of opportunity is opening up, travel, adventures, creative possibilities

This is not my experience at all. My parents died when I was young....so I had that part first! I'm enjoying being older ..I'm in my forties, my kids are teens. I hope to laze around and go on lots of holidays! It was horrible losing my parents young but the worlds shittest silver lining is I won't have elderly parents to care for.

I am nearly 60 and looking forward to doing whatever the hell I want in a few years, but realistically I am not sure what I will be able to do. I already have arthritis and a few (thankfully fairly minor) health issues which are likely to impact me more as i get older, so I agree with you op. I think it's unlikely that I will have grandchildren either, so realistically I will be stuck with a defective body and a husband I am pretty much sick of.

I feel the same too as I approach 40. I’m hoping to go back to uni at some point though and do a masters as I really enjoy learning. Have you thought about anything you can do that you’re interested in?

Obviously I can't speak for older people as I've only recently entered my 30s but I'm much happier overall now than in my early 20s when I was plagued with severe mental illness. Maybe this is uncommon though. I had some great times, memories and experiences when younger of course but on the whole was not as happy, was less confident, was more anxious, had worse health, worse/more distant relationships with my DPs and siblings, was less knowledgeable, had less money, less security and stability, and didn't have motherhood and my lovely children who have obviously been a huge life change but for me it's been for the better. I guess they give me a purpose and joy I just didn't have before, honestly.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/happiness_formula/4787558.stm

youre at the lowest part of the happiness graph right now

I suppose we need to remember that our parents lost their parents and (in my parents case at least) it has not stopped them living very happy lives since then. I'm sure that is true for most people but obviously it feels disloyal to accept it in advance.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/measuringnationalwellbeing/atwhatageispersonalwellbeingthehighest

This

the happiness graph seems to hit its lowest menopause and sandwich years but rapidly improves

I am 52 and not enjoying life at all right now. I am finding the perimenopause very hard and HRT did not help. My kids have just left home and I look at my parents at the start of their ageing journey and can see the future as having to care for them. They are not easy people and I don’t particularly like them.

I have to give myself a slap though and say the perimenopause cannot last forever. At least I have happy healthy young adult children who still contact me most days And I have a wonderful relationship with them. I have been with my husband for my nearly 30 years and we have a good relationship. I work full-time in a stressful job, but hope I can go part-time at 60. And there is some evidence that using your brain can prevent the onset of dementia or slow it down.

I am not enjoying life now, but I feel optimistic that things will improve by the time I’m 60! I don’t want to look back when I am 80 and think why did I waste my 50s complaining.