My partner won’t marry me

[Glibe33]

I live with my partner of 8 years and we have a daughter who is 5, we got engaged two years ago and every time I bring the topic up of marriage my partner says to me well we aren’t exactly good at the moment with arguing and falling out etc. (this is not around our child by the way) I said to him well marriage means a lot to me and you never want to talk about it and always shut the conversation down. He always refers back to not having any money and being able to afford to when we both work and he is a high earner. I have never wanted anything fancy or am a big spender and would be happy with the basic registery office and just having immediate family there. I feel really upset about it and feel like he doesn’t want to be with me anymore 😓 I’m not sure if I am being petty but I’m in my thirties now and thought we would be hitched by now. What should I do?

It might be time to move on. Get legal advice.

I think you need to put marriage aside at the moment, it will only serve to make you anxious. You and your partner are together and have a daughter so you are a family unit. Your partner might feel pressurised and resentful if you make it a major issue. I do understand that you want to get married and would mean a lot to you but it won't fundamentally change your circumstances. Relax and enjoy and try to shift your mind from the constant thought of marriage

OP - it's worth learning the lesson demonstrated by Lifetrials. You haven't been back to update so I'm guessing you don't like the feedback and hoped for some magic solution that would mean he would suddenly want to marry you. The only time I have ever seen this on MN was when the man was suddenly diagnosed with a life limiting illness and was going to need a full time (free) carer and had a bit of a swift rethink on his priorities. You are in your 30's. Plenty of us only got married and had kids in that decade so line up your ducks and start swimming.

@Lifetrials - you don't say if there are other children from a previous marriage and thus what if anything your child will inherit but it sounds as though you need to sell the horses pronto and get back to work. Probably for the next 15 years. I'm not sure I'd leave, as it's free rent and bills and you haven't left yourself a lot of choice.

You’ve two choices. Put up with a situation that you’re unhappy with or separate.

⬆️ Succinct and 🎯

You put yourself in a very precarious situation having a child with someone you’re not married to. No ammount of therapy will fix that unless you are either financially secure or get him to marry you. Forget romantic notions, you need to focus on financial safety for you and your child.

Yes time to leave him he doesn't want to marry you