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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children on Ipads in restaurants

819 replies

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 08:27

Away in a resort. I am shocked by the number of children on ipads for the entire sitting of a meal. Breakfast lunch and dinner.

Buffet to fine dining.

From todlers upwards.

No social interaction with parents or staff and mindless eating whilst inhaling cartoons.

i understand that parents want a bit of a break but surely this is shockingly bad for the children?

OP posts:
CantDealwithChristmas · 05/02/2024 10:51

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 10:41

I prefer the italian version! It’s normal for kids to be kids.

your suggestion that there are 2 options dump them on a screen and get them to ignore everything and be ignored or have them causing a disturbance is so sad. Surely option no 3 is have them interact they don’t have to talk about literature they are kids they can talk about anything!

Show quote history

I think it's sad that you would class 'walking around' and 'playing' as 'creating a disturbance'

When we first moved to the UK and would discuss the strange foibles and eccentricities of the natives (as immigrants love to do), my grandmother would often opine that the Brits 'care more about their pets than they do about their children' 😂

'Seen and not heard' is definitely a Brit thing that more pro family cultures will just never get.

quitethelittlekoala · 05/02/2024 10:51

Mummytotwonow · 05/02/2024 10:15

For gods sake stop judging people!! How do you know they haven’t spent the whole day seeing to them, playing, may have been up all night with them and the parents need a bloody break and just go eat their dinner.
Get a bloody life!!

No. I won't stop judging them. You are tying yourself in knots trying to come up with "be kind" excuses. I won't stop judging because it's me who will end up having to fucking pay for the mind-numbing drugs many of these kids will be pumped full of to try and give them some sort of attention span, never having developed one thanks to being dumped in front of screens for hours from a tender age.

Original poster
Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 10:52

Lovingitallnow · 05/02/2024 09:09

@Gobolina no they're not feral children, they are domesticated. It's only on rare occasions they throw their pop at people and only ever people who deserve it. And I don't use screens at every meal on holidays.

But on the days they're pissed off at having to wait for their breakfast until everyone else is dressed or the dining room is open, or when they'd rather stay in the pool, or when they haven't napped and are wiped I'll absolutely give them a screen and not ask them to perform and to pretend they're adults and can regulate their emotions enough to sit through a meal in a restaurant.

If they're none of those things sometimes they get a colouring book and that way when we ignore our children and they ignore servers we don't get anyone thinking the alternate is feral children because colouring books are morally superior to screens.

I am not sure if you are missing the point? It has nothing to do with morals and everything to do with the harm the screen devices are doing to your child.

OP posts:
Helena7319 · 05/02/2024 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

theDudesmummy · 05/02/2024 10:54

Perhaps the parents on holiday letting their dc use screens at meal times are the same ones who are swimming, sightseeing, interacting with them during the rest of the day?

Precisely. And in all the rest of life. My DS engages in a wide variety of sports and activities in his usual life. And on Saturdays we go out to lunch after a generally busy, sometimes hectic, week. He watches YouTube videos, I read a book, and we chill happily. Are you "disgusted" by seeing us at the next table?

And when we are on holiday we boat, tinker with the boat, swim, waterski, paddleboard, snorkel, socialise, walk etc etc. And in the evening we go to nice restaurants and he settles calmly and happily down to watch something on his phone or tablet after ordering his food, and the adults can chill and chat. Are you "disgusted" by seeing us at the next table?

I for one know what I find quite "disgusting" about this thread...

Helena7319 · 05/02/2024 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wictc · 05/02/2024 10:55

It’s not the norm where I live in London. I see it quite a bit in Paris. Maybe it’s more normal where you live OP?

Haven’t seen on holiday once yet, we are currently away.

Not sure I agree that it’s the ‘biggest challenge facing teenagers today’. Suicide and bullying I would say are a bit higher on the list.

Original poster
Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 10:59

5thCommandment · 05/02/2024 09:12

Massively judgemental op here. Do you even have kids? Parents rarely get to go out, putting the kids on iPads whilst waiting for food keeps them quiet, it prevents disturbing other guests, and it's quite rare. We're not talking daily.
You need to stop judging others and ask yourself why you think you're so high and mighty that you can judge when you've no idea if people's circumstances. It might be the only meal the parents get out.

You're the issue here mate. Have a word with yourself.

yes i have children. Yes ive had my fair share of trying times. Yes i have had to remove my children when they didnt behave in restaurants.

I think from pp a lot of people simply don’t realise how damaging eating whilst on screens is. And what that loss of social interaction / inability to be bored will mean in later life.

some posters even dared to engage with me in a very adult way and politely explain their thought process.

others answered my op which was is this a new social norm - it seems that is a resounding a yes for many people this is normal when eating out!

OP posts:
Original poster
Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 11:00

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 05/02/2024 09:14

There's a saying in America-
Mind Your Business.
Fitting here I think?

Don’t ask questions to an anonymous group of people on social normalities in the 2024?

stop be interested in life?

OP posts:
Jifmicroliquid · 05/02/2024 11:01

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 09:31

This is a genuine question.

Do you children find you so boring that it is too much to sit through a meal in your company?

or that you finding interacting with each other boring and would rather interact with a screen?

Show quote history

Er, I don’t have children.

Original poster
Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 11:01

Littlegoth · 05/02/2024 09:16

😂

Show quote history

As PP no.

not everyone lives in the UK and has UK term times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 11:03

Moier · 05/02/2024 09:13

Some might be ASD?

They might.

some might display ASD symptoms because they go so much screen time. It’s a real thing look it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 11:04

SpinningAroundTown · 05/02/2024 09:14

OP, why have you quoted yourself to agree with yourself? If you’re going to sock yourself, at least be better at it. 🤣

Got the sunnies on a sun bed quite chilled and was trying to reply to people.

accidents happen🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
theDudesmummy · 05/02/2024 11:05

They might.

Yes, some ARE.

some might display ASD symptoms because they go so much screen time

ODFOD. That is offensive.

fonfusedm · 05/02/2024 11:05

Maybe the other parent is in the pool interacting with the kids? Is this not normal for a family on holiday at some point during the day?

Do you normally spend your holidays on social media judging others? I don’t. And in the context of screen time & interaction as per the OP it’s a tad hypocritical. Whilst DH & I certainly share the load on holiday one of us wouldn’t sit on social media for hours but perhaps it’s normal for others. 🤷🏻‍♀️

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 05/02/2024 11:05

It's not something we do - at home we go armed with a tote bag full of pencils and paper, and when on holiday we take a pack of uno cards to use if there is a long wait.

We aren't even massively fussed about screen time, and the kids are allowed to watch their iPads whilst eating dinner at home if we aren't eating with them for one reason or another.

Meals out are for socialising as a family.

Don't get me started on people who don't use headphones. So arrogant and rude.

Legoninjago1 · 05/02/2024 11:06

fonfusedm · 05/02/2024 10:42

@Somersetlady You're on holiday with a 6 yr old & a 9 yr old & you have spent 2 hours reading & posting replies on a thread you made judging others for screen use & not interacting with their dc 😆😆

We're yet to hear your response to this one OP?! You've been glued to this thread for over 2.5 hours now!

Original poster
Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 11:06

Sorry my misunderstanding.

I made the mumsnet error of assuming the giveaway is in the forum title🙈

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 05/02/2024 11:07

Mnetcurious · 05/02/2024 10:41

Interesting the perception on this thread that parents who don’t have screens out at restaurants must be uber high brow and talk to their kids about Shakespeare at the table. Shockingly we’re actually pretty normal, never listen to radio 4, eat a frozen pizza occasionally and generally the chat with our kids is about funny things that happened that day or any other random subject, sometimes verging on highbrow but usually something mundane and ordinary just like your average family.

Show quote history

Don’t forget to add that you have a cracking sense of humor ….

kirinm · 05/02/2024 11:07

Heatherbell1978 · 05/02/2024 08:50

I'm on the fence about it. We went to a Turkey AI this year and were quite shocked that so many kids had them for the whole meal. Ours are 6 and 9 and we would often take them with us but usually as a last resort if we wanted a glass of wine in peace after the meal. But maybe that makes us just as bad? We do try do take colouring with us to meals instead though and that keeps the kids happy.

Going by the OPs logic, why is colouring any better? We do both and actually colouring has enabled us to spend an adult length of time eating rather than rushing to get an overtired small child to eat on several occasions. But it's no different to a tablet if the supposed issue is not engaging with your child.

Original poster
Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 11:09

notanothernana · 05/02/2024 09:15

What on earth did older parents do? Take colouring, card games or get a babysitter, that's what. The latter is what my parents did, the former what I did. When I was young and at Pontins the kids sat together in a SEPARATE ROOM and away from the adults when eating!!

On balance I think it's wonderful that young kids are with their adults, but they should be involved IMO - like games or drawing and not on screens.

The kids room seems like a great idea! At least they are interacting with other children!

OP posts:
fonfusedm · 05/02/2024 11:09

@Legoninjago1 there won’t be a response! Of course this could just be a snapshot…

fonfusedm · 05/02/2024 11:10

Don’t forget to add that you have a cracking sense of humor ….

😆

kirinm · 05/02/2024 11:10

RatatouillePie · 05/02/2024 09:04

I'm actually quite horrified by the 44% of people that think you are being unreasonable!

If a child cannot behave at a meal table in a restaurant, then either teach them to behave or don't take them out for a meal - get a babysitter!

My 3 kids have been taught to sit and behave at the meal table, to talk about things, and if they get bored then a pen and paper to draw something in the restaurant. Some restaurants even have colouring in.

It's just lazy parenting to sit your child on a screen at a meal table.

(And yes, before someone starts the "my child is autistic" speech, autism was around for a long time before screens. My autistic child manages just fine in a restaurant as long as I keep him occupied and talk to him. I won't be taking him to a fine dine restaurant though!)

How is colouring in any different? You're still ignoring your child.

SparklyOwls · 05/02/2024 11:12

It's dreadful, I totally agree. I went on holiday last year and a 3 year old screaming because the iPad needed charging up. He had on offer everything in the hotel, lots of lovely activities. But sat screaming for ages. So sad.

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