Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p*ssed off at partner for holiday etiquette

71 replies

Evaka · 05/02/2024 07:52

DP of seven years and I on a fab holiday somewhere hot and far from the UK. Having a lovely time overall. Currently in a huge, hectic but fun city. Today we spent a couple of hours apart - he went off to send postcards and I came back to hotel to swim. He joined me briefly in the pool and said he was hungry. I said I'd join him for lunch out and about. We both got out of the pool, i sat down to finish the end of a drink, he gathered his stuff and said 'I'll message you if I find somewhere nice'. I was annoyed and said so. I thought it was rude and impatient. He got pretty angry in return and stood over me insisting that i looked relaxed so he decided I'd rather follow him, and I often do my own thing in our regular life in London. Felt like a weak explanation. He has a bit of form for this sort of thing but is generally a gentle soul. He's gone, I'm looking at 10 loved up couples around me and wondering why my man wouldn't want to sit with me by a glorious pool for 10 mins before heading out together. So who's being unreasonable?!

OP posts:
SapphireOpal · 05/02/2024 07:54

Did you say what you were doing or did you just get out the pool and lounge about while he was thinking hang on what is she doing, I'm starving and she's just sitting there?

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/02/2024 07:55

I wouldn’t be impressed by that either op. He was rude - would waiting a few minutes have hurt him, it’s not like he’s on the clock, he’s on holiday!

CRbear · 05/02/2024 07:56

I would be annoyed if I’d said would I wanted to do, my partner said they would join me, they appeared to be doing so (getting out of pool with me) … and then they sat down with their drink, presumably without saying “okay if we sit for a few mins while I finish my drink?”. Would have been nice if he had said, “I’m ready to go, do you want to relax here while I find somewhere” but I don’t think he was unreasonable.

Sirzy · 05/02/2024 07:56

How long between him saying he was going to get himself some lunch and you being actually ready to leave?

doilooklikeicare · 05/02/2024 07:57

It's a non event! Move on!

But who the hell sends postcards these days? 😆

Veryinteresting24 · 05/02/2024 07:59

I thought that about the postcards!

I think he could have asked you if you wanted him to wait.

QueSyrahSyrah · 05/02/2024 07:59

Agree with above replies, words are needed here. Either you to say 'Just give me a few minutes to finish this and dry off a bit' when you sat down, or him to say 'how long will you be with that drink?' before marching off.

Do you expect each other to be mind-readers in other situations?

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 05/02/2024 07:59

Postcards? Are you holidaying in 1991?

(((missed point entirely)))

Veryinteresting24 · 05/02/2024 08:00

I wouldn’t make a major deal out of it but if he is now going to be moody, I wouldn’t be impressed.

gannett · 05/02/2024 08:00

I don't think his behaviour is unusual or rude at all. When someone says they're hungry and gets out of the pool that means they want to go and find lunch right now, not sit around for another 10 minutes (did you even communicate how long you'd be or did you expect him to read your mind?). On holiday finding a good place to eat can often involve a bit of research or looking around, so if the person who's actually ready to leave does that legwork it can be quite helpful.

Wolfpa · 05/02/2024 08:00

You just have different holiday styles. I personally can’t just sit by a pool it bores me within a few minutes and if someone said they were coming with me and then sat down for 10 mins it would irk me.

Createausername1970 · 05/02/2024 08:00

Well, he said he was hungry and you said you would join him, but then you wanted to stay and finish your drink. He said he would let you know when he found somewhere.

He wanted to find somewhere to eat and you wanted to finish your drink. I think his suggestion was reasonable, he would find somewhere and let you know so you could join him.

Not sure what was wrong with that or why it ended in an argument.

greasypolemonkeyman · 05/02/2024 08:02

Is it an Asian city?

SecondHandFurniture · 05/02/2024 08:03

I would have been frustrated with you too. If I'm hungry I get irritable pretty quickly and he still had to walk to somewhere, order and wait for ot to be cooked.

GrazingSheep · 05/02/2024 08:03

who the hell sends postcards these days?

We do.

BarrelOfOtters · 05/02/2024 08:04

That would be me…many the time I’ve left DH , in my opinion, naffing about, while I absolutely starving and hangry have headed out. It’s a non event, you are probably both hungry.

Sparklfairy · 05/02/2024 08:04

Is he one of those that when he's hungry he has to eat NOW and got annoyed at you apparently faffing about? Grin

lotsofpeoplenametheirswords · 05/02/2024 08:06

Not sent a postcard since Yarmouth in 1994 begging my mum and dad to come get me cos I didn't like Great Yarmouth with my Aunty & Uncle!

It sounds like a none event! Did he perhaps want a bit of a wander on his own? I hate being constantly around the same person for a week without so much as a 10 minute break on my own!

SallyWD · 05/02/2024 08:07

SecondHandFurniture · 05/02/2024 08:03

I would have been frustrated with you too. If I'm hungry I get irritable pretty quickly and he still had to walk to somewhere, order and wait for ot to be cooked.

Same, I understand where he's coming from. He's hungry (maybe very hungry) and you said you'd join him and get out of the pool as if you're going to. Then you start lying on the lounger. If it was me I'd probably say "Fine, I'll go and eat. You come when you're ready." I'd assume my partner wanted a bit more time to relax and I wouldn't want to rush them. At the same time, I'd want to eat!
I'm not someone who wants to be joined at the hip to my DH.

TwylaSands · 05/02/2024 08:07

If i was hungry and my dh said he would come with me, then sat back down to drink his drink in a leisurely fashion, i think id be irritated.

but standing over you angry is unacceptable as it is to intimidate.

KrisAkabusi · 05/02/2024 08:11

Nothing wrong with what he did, you need to communicate more. I 5gink you were rude by just sitting down again when he thought there was a plan to get lunch. If you want to sit around the pool looking like other couples, you need to tell him. He's not a mind reader.

DoubleYolker · 05/02/2024 08:16

Doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. But I’m wondering if he often has to hang around waiting for you? My husband is a faffer and is often late, whereas I’m very punctual. So, this means I spend a lot of time hanging around waiting for him, getting frustrated, and sometimes end up getting annoyed and heading off without him. Could this be happening here?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/02/2024 08:21

I think YABU. If you are a person who likes to do things at their own very relaxed speed, other people can politely say they will crack on and you can join them when you are ready. They don't get to be rude about it, but you don't get to force them to move at your speed.

Original poster
Evaka · 05/02/2024 08:22

Ha, I'm well schooled by these responses! Point taken it's a non event.

To answer a few qs:

  • he does get hangry
  • I'm generally the more organised one. He only rushes when he's hungry!
  • re time apart, we've been making sure to have a few hours apart every day. Neither I nor he could do 24/7 together
-re postcards, should have explained the old post office here is an iconic building so we thought it would be sweet to send postcards to nieces and nephews

Thanks all, I'm off for a nice solo lunch!

OP posts:
unexpectediteminthebraggingarea · 05/02/2024 08:23

It sounds like bad communication on both parts to me.