To be p*ssed off at partner for holiday etiquette

[Evaka]

DP of seven years and I on a fab holiday somewhere hot and far from the UK. Having a lovely time overall. Currently in a huge, hectic but fun city. Today we spent a couple of hours apart - he went off to send postcards and I came back to hotel to swim. He joined me briefly in the pool and said he was hungry. I said I'd join him for lunch out and about. We both got out of the pool, i sat down to finish the end of a drink, he gathered his stuff and said 'I'll message you if I find somewhere nice'. I was annoyed and said so. I thought it was rude and impatient. He got pretty angry in return and stood over me insisting that i looked relaxed so he decided I'd rather follow him, and I often do my own thing in our regular life in London. Felt like a weak explanation. He has a bit of form for this sort of thing but is generally a gentle soul. He's gone, I'm looking at 10 loved up couples around me and wondering why my man wouldn't want to sit with me by a glorious pool for 10 mins before heading out together. So who's being unreasonable?!

I would be absolutely stunned if DH just walked off without me. Seems like communication is key here though. I can imagine our conversation would have been something like:

Me: I’ll come with you. Do you mind if I just finish my drink first?
Him: I’m absolutely starving, can we go now and I’ll buy you a drink with lunch

Then I would either say fine and go straight away or tell him to go ahead.

I sent a postcard from the Peak District to my cousin on Saturday. She will appreciate it.

Absolutely. That’s normal. You don’t just sit down and start leisurely finishing your drink. He even said she looked like she was relaxing. Then get the arse as he won’t sit there hungry and waiting for you. He even said he’d text her if he found someplace nice.

they clearly don’t communicate well, don’t enjoy too much time together, and are unable to read each other.

in this scenario though the op was the one in the wrong. A simple communication like you state would have avoided all issues.

Don’t compare yourselves to other couples. Everyone has their rows x

I can see your point and would have felt annoyed. But his perspective of she can finish her drink and i will go get us a table to speed things up is not unreasonable either.

Both of you should have communicated a little better. Hope it doesnt ruin the holiday.

Huh?

I couldn’t sit by a pool for five minutes before getting antsy and wanting to move on, so I’m not surprised he decided to go and look for somewhere nice to eat.

Agree with others, communication issues rather than a right or wrong.

As an aside though. Food and sleep/rest are important signs to recognise in ourselves and our partners and family members because often if they aren't met we go down hill in how we behave and feel.

Not sure I'd really want to spend time sitting by a pool staring into space whilst waiting for my partner to finish a drink and decide they were ready to move. On the other hand, if I were the one sitting around finishing my drink, I might welcome my partner doing the legwork in finding somewhere nice for lunch. None of this seems like much of an issue.

😂😂 what an odd conclusion to come to !

IKR!
I popped out to buy a postcard the other day. I wonder if my kids have now concluded I have a drug habit!

Sounds like miscommunication? He was hungry and wanted to go and eat; you said you’d join him, but then lingered over a drink. As other PPs say, it might have been thoughtful to check if he was okay to wait a few mins while you finished your drink, and he could also have asked you to hurry because he was reeeeally hungry and needed to eat asap (esp if he has been traipsing all over the place for a few hours working up an appetite.)

I’d personally just rise above it, perhaps say ‘Sorry about earlier. It didn’t occur to me until afterwards that you might have been in a hurry to eat, but maybe you could let me know that next time? I don’t want us to spoil the holiday over a misunderstanding.’

That’s quite passive aggressive, he did tell her, he told her he was hungry and going to eat. How much clearer does he need to say it? I’m really really hungry? Your phrase is making it his fault. When I’m not sure it is.

@Janetime then I didn’t write clearly - I thought I’d presented it as 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. Ie - she had missed his cue and faffed around with her drink thinking he was ‘just a bit hungry’ and could wait 10 mins.

She may not have appreciated he was getting hangry - no idea what the dynamics of their relationship are, so can’t tell whether he is like my husband who, once he had voiced being hungry, needs to eat that second or all hell break lose and woe betide anyone who faffs - so I know that when my husband says ‘he’s hungry’, he means ‘he needs to eat now’. Taken 30 years to understand his subtext though.

Love a postcard, it needs a revival.

I'm genuinely confused. So to clarify say you were out for a few drinks with your dp, you're ready to move on but he has half a pint left. Do you really leave them and walk to the next bar alone?

And those saying she should have told him she had a drink to finish. Isn't that self explanatory?

Seriously??

I like to let my swimsuit dry a bit before putting on a coverup. A towel just doesn’t get it dry enough. I would say those words though, even before we get out of the pool, that I need 10 minutes to dry off before we leave. There is no reason to make someone guess, especially if they are hungry. Plus someone who doesn’t need as much dry time could swim longer.

It’s just a joke..

I send them to my grandson. He loves receiving them to the extent he sent one himself to his home while on holiday