To think the school should do something?

[Bwahaha]

My children go to a primary school in London with children from diverse national and religious backgrounds. There are no rules around what food parents are allowed to bring into the classroom except the usual ban on nuts.
As a result, children are constantly getting a ton of treats: it really adds up with more than twenty birthdays, lots of national, international, and religious holidays. Once the class rep even brought cupcakes to celebrate their dog’s birthday.
Last week alone my child had fairy bread for Australia day heaped with hundreds and thousands, a cake takeaway, and a massive cupcake with tons of sugar cream for someone’s birthday the next day. As you can imagine, they simultaneously took a 3 day holiday from dinner.

AIBU to think the school leadership are missing in action here? And should maybe help the parents understand this is not ok?
Also, if you’re a parent, knowing what we know about sugar today, do you really think it’s ok to give other people’s kids treats all the time without asking?

This is how I felt about my DC's school before lockdown I ended up saying she's not allowed sugar. Everyday was a celebration, so much sugar for such little bodies. Thankfully after lockdown common sense came into action.

This thing of bringing a load of sugary crap into school for your birthday is a new one for me. When did this become common place? I was in primary school 20 years ago so I guess times must have changed.

When I was in school, I remember one girl used to go to the US every couple of years, and she'd bring back American sweets or chocolate for the class. There was the odd occasion where other people brought stuff in too. But it really wasn't that often, no more than a couple of times per academic year. I certainly never took anything in - I've just asked my mum out if interest and she said it would never have occurred to her that I should take other children sweets and chocolate to celebrate my own birthday I certainly won't be doing it for my own children!

Slightly off topic but when I lived in NZ and came across fairy bread I was properly shocked !! White bread, spread with butter, topped with 100s and 1000s 🤮🤮🤮

The PPs saying it's okay for a child to eat chocolate or sweets as long as it's only "once per day" have thrown me too. Surely not many adults eat sugary stuff at that frequency, so why do so many think it's acceptable for tiny children to?

Thanks for all the responses. I will be contacting the school. Fingers crossed something will come out of it but I’m not too hopeful.

Only joking

Interested to hear their reply as my DDs school was a flat no

Our school doesn't allow food like this. So parents have got really creative. They give books, stickers, pencils, bubbles. So much more fun.

I would far rather my child was given something edible in a packet I can take off them and put in my pocket than bubbles that you know would be split in the car or flicked in a sibling's eye in about 5 seconds. I'd be joining you in moaning to the school if that idea took off!

No one is advocating for it to be a daily thing.

Plenty of people are saying - have some rules between you and your child, calibrate their diet elsewhere, keep your response in moderation.

Behaving as though certain death awaits and turning something really quite minor into a big issue is something to be wary of. As your DC grow, the level of control you can exert over their choices and what they eat diminishes rapidly. Far better to have calm conversations, not attach moral judgement and let a few things imo.

They will definitely listen to you. Leaders in the school are probably annoyed too. They just need that one parent to come forward. There will be other parents thinking the same who do not have the means or courage to say something.

I was in primary school 20-25 years ago and it was common then to bring in sweets for birthdays.

I was at school in the 90s and it was normal for people to bring in a Birthday treat, usually just an actual cake that would then be sliced and shared. I think I'd be quite cross if the school banned it for everyone on the basis of one parent moaning. Just make sure you give them healthy things at home. It's a shame we can't let children have a bit of a treat when with their friends at school. They could say only for Birthdays or something which would mean it isn't happening all the time.

I'd have more of an issue with this stuff than cake. More unnecessary tat churned out in factories paying workers a pittance, shipped across the world and destined for land fill. I can't bear all the "party bag" style junk kids accumulate.

YANBU, my kids are now 18 and 20, while still at primary, this was discouraged, probably due to allergies as much as sugar. So it is not unusual to discourage this kind of things on school.

Starting a conversation with the school doesn’t have to make you ‘that parent’, just make it a constructive discussion through your tone. Maybe a letter or email initially so you can read through and make sure it’s not ranty?

In my experience schools are very open to working with parents on all sorts of issues - if you’re reasonable, they’re usually reasonable (though perhaps I have been lucky!). Find out what their communication policy is (there might be a flow chart of who deals with what… beginning with a teacher with responsibility for whatever it is, then the head, then the governors) and follow it so they’re not immediately expecting some kind of negativity.

I’d be suggesting to them that maybe the school comes up with a healthy eating policy - then it’s not only about classroom celebration snacks but school dinners too (which already have to adhere to certain guidelines I believe) and maybe guidance for packed lunches (I think this isn’t unusual for primary schools at least). Maybe it could include something about only celebrating children’s birthdays and suggest appropriately sized treats? Tiny bags of Haribo are the norm at my daughter’s school, which are pure junk of course, but they’re not likely to make them avoid dinner.

I know there’s the argument that kids don’t have to eat everything they’re offered, but they’re kids - their brains literally aren’t wired to have very much self control and considered decision-making ability until they’re older, and I’m sure I’ve read something about young tastebuds favouring sweet foods more. I think also there’s a risk of (especially with younger ones who don’t understand) creating more differences and rivalries if there’s a situation where some kids are allowed and others aren’t. Maybe the religious holiday celebrations can be incorporated into the assemblies or RE instead? If it’s on parents to highlight these things then possibly some classes are getting the awareness and others aren’t… that might be something to talk with the head / subject leader for RE or maybe PSHE about?

So how is this as an email? Is the tone sufficiently constructive?

Dear XX,

I hope you’re well. Sorry I’m writing to share a concern. I hope this email can in some way be helpful.
I am very grateful that the school promotes a balanced diet through healthy lunches. However the frequency with which parents bring sweets into the classroom sometimes undermines the school’s efforts.
I know all parents mean well but with 20+ children’s birthdays (and some pets), religious, national and international holidays, picnics, etc, the collective result can have a real impact on eating habits. Last week there was fairy bread and a take home cake for Australia day and cupcakes for a child’s birthday the next day, and this week there is Chinese New Year and a pyjama pizza party.

Could there be ways to encourage more moderation given the harmful effects of so much added sugar? I know some schools have policies in place to prevent parents from bringing food into the classroom, but allow parents to organise other types of activities or even distribute treats at pick up time outside the school gates.